tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-66703647898924015012024-02-20T10:27:47.512-08:00What Went Wrong: A Dissection of Twilightjenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-62425439846861124832016-04-26T17:13:00.001-07:002016-04-26T17:13:51.113-07:00Wow, it's been awhileI just sort of got overwhelmed with life duties and never finished this project. Nice to know it's still lumbering on, and hating Twilight is a time-honored tradition.
I have a new project now, if anyone is interested. I'm blogging my way through The National Film Registry over at <a href="http://culturallyhistoricallyaesthetically.blogspot.com/"></a> There's not as much vitriol, but I'm having fun with it. jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-34507911870661494722011-02-28T19:55:00.000-08:002011-02-28T19:57:21.903-08:00Chapter 21: The Idiot Plot Tumor Becomes CriticalAnd this opens just as boring as the last chapter. SMeyer gets bogged down incredibly in mundane bits. Seriously, there is no reason for a scene where a girl watches a psychic vampire sketching visions to be so unutterably dull. She spends numerous words describing exactly what is in every single sketch, but no one is clever enough to put anything together. It's just 'The door was there, the window was there', then Bella announces she knows the place. But since Bella is a nitwit, there's no connection to anything.<br /><br />"Two pairs of eternal eyes stared at me." I guess this could be a good bit of description, except it's not at all. She has been more interested in describing exactly how outdated Bella's mom's living room is than describing what "eternal eyes" look like. <br /><br />"Uncharacteristically, Jasper slid closer to me. He lightly touched his hand to my shoulder, and the physical contact seemed to make his calming influence stronger. The panic stayed dull, unfocused." This strikes me as being quite creepy. They're basically drugging Bella to keep her from overreacting. I'm torn on this, since Bella is a ridiculous drama queen, but it still seems like a violation.<br /><br />""Edward is coming?" The words were like a life vest, holding my head above the flood." Oh GAWD! We've been separated a whole 3 days and I'm DROWNING without him! I'm not a vindictive person, but I honestly don't think most people should put pen to paper until they have experienced real misery. Otherwise, they end up with this sort of overreaction, like it's how they think people really react when bad things happen.<br /><br />""I can't win, Alice. You can't guard everyone I know forever. Don't you see what he's doing? He's not tracking me at all. He'll find someone, he'll hurt someone I love…Alice, I can't —"" Did it ever occur to any of these people to wonder just how James knows that Bella's mother lives in Arizona? Really, how did he get this bit of information? He couldn't possibly have tracked her by following the car, so how else did he find out? Did he hack the school records? It's implausible that he knows to start looking in Arizona, and even more implausible that he has somehow managed to hit <span style="font-style:italic;">exactly the right address</span>. <br /><br />"Alice looked meaningfully at Jasper. A deep, heavy fog of lethargy washed over me, and my eyes closed without my permission. My mind struggled against the fog, realizing what was happening. I forced my eyes open and stood up, stepping away from Jasper's hand." So Jasper's magic vampire power is Roofie Hands? I had some hope for Alice not infantilizing Bella, but it seems it's okay for her too.<br /><br />"I walked to my room and shut the door, slammed it really, so I could be free to go to pieces privately." I'm one of those silent sufferer types, so I would understand the inclination, but she's not talking about privacy. She's leaving so that her vampire babysitters will stop messing with her mind. This is just a whole lot of squick.<br /><br />"My mind went around in circles, trying to come up with some way out of this nightmare. There was no escape, no reprieve. I could see only one possible end looming darkly in my future." Oh, dear heart, that's just because you're a moron.<br /><br />"The only question was how many other people would be hurt before I reached it." Only no one has been hurt, except for Charlie, and Bella doesn't care one jot about him. And besides, James didn't hurt him. Didn't even try to hurt him. James actually hasn't tried to hurt anyone yet, so I don't know where she's reaching the conclusion that he's willing to slaughter her family to get to her.<br /><br />"Maybe, if I could just see his face again, I would also be able to see the solution that eluded me now." Unless the sight of Edward makes you smarter, it won't. And as it's been established that Bella is stupider than ever when Edward is around... <br /><br />"Just a few more hours to keep breathing till he was here." Because that's not creepy and co-dependent.<br /><br />"It was a man's tenor voice, a very pleasant, generic voice — the kind of voice that you heard in the background of luxury car commercials." Eh? I mean, I guess this is better description than most of anything we've gotten, but still.<br /><br />""Now repeat after me, and do try to sound natural. Please say, 'No, Mom, stay where you are.'"" Wait, don't sparklepires have super-hearing? How would Alice not be able to hear what this guy is saying when Bella is in the same room?<br /><br />""This worked out rather better than I expected. I was prepared to wait, but your mother arrived ahead of schedule. It's easier this way, isn't it? Less suspense, less anxiety for you."" This still makes absolutely no sense. How the blue blazes does this guy know where her mother is, where she was, and where she's supposed to be? And how come it never occurred to Bella to call her mom while she had 3 days of traveling to do it? Don't try to tell me the Cullens don't have cell phones, so why didn't she call her mother on the way, say she couldn't stand it in Forks, and that she's just making a stopover in Phoenix before coming out to Florida? No need to come get her or worry overmuch on her account, she's with friends, she'll see her soon, bye. No drama, no fuss, and no Idiot Plot Tumor.<br /><br />Following is some banter that seems lifted directly out of a bad cop show. Bella has been told this guy is an absolutely ruthless killer. He's keeping her mother alive as bait, but just how stupid does she have to be to believe that if she dies, her mother will just walk free? <br /><br />"Next to the phone there will be a number. Call it, and I'll tell you where to go from there."" So Nature Boy has a cell phone, but a minor league baseball player doesn't? <br /><br />"I knew I had to think, but my head was filled with the sound of my mother's panic." I understand it must be hard to hear your mother's panicky voice, but why didn't Bella demand just another word from her mother? This would ruin the Idiot Plot, I suppose, especially <span style="font-style:italic;">since she already has the information about the video tape and the television, </span>but still. She even asks about Phil, and James doesn't even answer. That should ring at least an alarm bell... and why doesn't she think about calling Phil? Oh wait, Phil doesn't own a phone.<br /><br />"I pushed the terror back as well as I could." I'm guessing SMeyer wanted to show Bella as being truly self-sacrificing, but she resigns herself to die in an instant. Never thinks about anything else, never tries to think of a plan, never does anything rational at all. Just 'Oh, I've been outmaneuvered, and now I'm going to die'. This is why I say so often that Bella is stupid – she has no imagination, no self-preservation, and logic is anathema to her. She runs on pure emotion at all times, and I really think that is what makes her the worst possible role model for young girls.<br /><br />"I had to accept that I wouldn't see Edward again, not even one last glimpse of his face to carry with me to the mirror room. I was going to hurt him, and I couldn't say goodbye. I let the waves of torture wash over me, have their way for a time." Boo-fucking-hoo. <br /><br />""My mom was worried, she wanted to come home. But it's okay, I convinced her to stay away." My voice was lifeless.<br />"We'll make sure she's fine, Bella, don't worry."" How bad is Alice at reading people that this doesn't set off any alarm bells?<br /><br />And Bella apologizes for hurting Edward by getting herself killed. She should include a postscript: 'Next time, try to find someone a little smarter. Yrs, B.S.'<br /><br />"I only hoped he would understand, and listen to me just this once." Keep dreaming, sweet cheeks. The day Edward Cullen deigns to listen to a weak woman thing is the day the Earth goes spiraling off into the sun.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-76090935408842148032010-11-12T18:33:00.000-08:002010-11-12T18:34:25.098-08:00Chapter 20: In Which Dull Trivialities Get Duller"This room was too bland to belong anywhere but in a hotel." Have to give props for a decent sentence, especially since they are few and far between. I think the last one was in chapter 8.<br /><br />"The engine was almost silent, though we'd raced across the black freeways at<br />more than twice the legal speed." So Alice doesn't have to look out for cops either? If her visions of the future rely on choices, can she tell if the local highway patrolman had decided to go get a sandwich? Also, Bella describes her memory as being hazy and fuzzy, but for what reason? Is the trauma so great that she can't remember what she did or is doing, or did they slip something into her juice?<br /><br />"And I remembered Alice sitting with me on the dark leather backseat. Somehow, during the long night, my head had ended up against her granite neck. My closeness didn't seem to bother her at all, and her cool, hard skin was oddly comforting to me. The front of her thin cotton shirt was cold, damp with the tears that streamed from my eyes until, red and sore, they ran dry." Except for the weirdness about the granite neck, this reads as more gentle, loving behavior on Alice's part than Bella has ever gotten out of Edward. <br /><br />"the dead look in Edward's eyes after he kissed me the last time…" What? They're going to be parted for maybe a week. She's not in any real danger – just an illusion of danger, because they are all much too stupid to work out anything sensible.<br /><br />"my arm draped over Alice's shoulder and her arm firm around my waist, dragging me along as I stumbled through the warm, dry shadows." Seems like that would be something the people in the hotel would ask about... two teens are dragging a barely conscious girl into a hotel at the break of dawn and demanding a room. <br /><br />She's still doing the '"Hi." I said' thing. It's annoying. Carry on.<br /><br />And... this whole scene is weirdly boring and weirdly strange. Alice is tiptoeing around, takes Bella by the hand to lead her into the next room, and then she and Jasper sit like statues and stare at the TV. Why? Is it because Bella eating is tempting? Or because Smeyer couldn't think of anything else for them to do?<br /><br />""And should he have called by now?" I could see that I was near the mark. Alice's eyes<br />flitted from mine to the phone on top of her leather bag and back.<br />"What does that mean?" My voice quavered, and I fought to control it. "That he hasn't<br />called yet?"<br />"It just means that they don't have anything to tell us."<br />But her voice was too even, and the air was harder to breathe." Bella is being an overdramatizing nit again. Lather, rinse, repeat if desired.<br /><br /><br />""Bella, Bella, stop," he interrupted me, his words pouring out so quickly they were hard<br />to understand. "You're worrying about all the wrong things, Bella. Trust me on this —<br />none of us are in jeopardy. You are under too much strain as it is; don't add to it with<br />wholly unnecessary worries. Listen to me!" he ordered, for I had looked away. "Our<br />family is strong. Our only fear is losing you."<br />"But why should you —"<br />Alice interrupted this time, touching my cheek with her cold fingers. "It's been almost a<br />century that Edward's been alone. Now he's found you. You can't see the changes that we<br />see, we who have been with him for so long. Do you think any of us want to look into his<br />eyes for the next hundred years if he loses you?"" So... this whole obsession with Edward's favorite little flower sandwich is because he'd be unbearably annoying if he lost her? …. Actually, that's kind of reasonable. I'll accept that.<br /><br />"Alice called down to the front desk and asked them to ignore our maid service for now." Why not just hang the little sign on the door?<br /><br />"My babysitters handled the suspense better than I did. As I fidgeted and paced, they<br />simply grew more still, two statues whose eyes followed me imperceptibly as I moved." Edward must've been absolutely impossible to live with before he met her, or why would they go to this sort of trouble for someone as patently unlikable as Bella?<br /><br />"I was beginning to wonder exactly what sort of instructions<br />Edward had given her." Said because Alice follows her into the bedroom. I don't know what to say, beyond that would be an excellent opening for a femslash fic. Or that how come Edward gets to order everyone else around? <br /><br />""Edward doesn't want me to tell you that," she said firmly, but I sensed she didn't agree." Again, why is it his business what Alice does or doesn't say to her? Why is he the most important member of the family?<br /><br />"She looked at me with her splendid, wise eyes… choosing." It's kind of weird that Alice is the only one with any descriptor of intelligence or wisdom applied to her, when she generally functions as a frivolous Plot-in-the-Box device. But also, why is it a choice? Is Edward's anger that scary?<br /><br />And Alice explains the magical venom... but it's still a stupid explanation, because there is no reason for any of it. It just plain doesn't make any sense, especially since Smeyer said her vampires were more scientific. She throws around things like 'carnivorous flower', but it still doesn't make sense.<br /><br />""Just the mirrors, and the gold. It's a band, around the room. And there's a black table<br />with a big stereo, and a TV. He's touching the VCR there, but he doesn't watch the way he does in the dark room. This is the room where he waits."" This makes Bella's idiotic running off even more idiotic. I didn't know that the VCR and TV were specifically mentioned in the book, but if Bella had one functioning brain cell, she might realize a bit of this "brilliant" plan. But even though we've been told Bella is smart, she runs on pure emotion. She never thinks, or reasons, or discusses. She just does because of how she feels – and her emotions are all too basic to produce good reactions or good decisions. Maybe this is why I hate her so much, seeing as how I'm apparently a Vulcan, but the slightest bit of careful deliberation would improve her vastly as a character. <br /><br />""Whatever made him get on that plane… it was leading him to those rooms."" How did the Barefoot Contessa there get on a plane? Did he just pretend that he forgot his shoes at security? Also... don't try to tell me that airport security wouldn't be hassling a barefoot guy with red eyes sniffing every person in his immediate vicinity? <br /><br />""Bella," he sighed in frustration, "I told you not to worry about anything but yourself."" I see you've been disobeying again, weak woman thing. That's at least a week in the closet for you.<br /><br />"We think he's heading back to Forks to start over."" This is still stupid. Bella hasn't been in Forks for over 48 hours. If it did rain as much as she claimed, there would not be one iota of her scent left anywhere. Even if it didn't, there still shouldn't be much of her scent left at all, and definitely none that could hold up for 1,583 miles, according to Google Maps. Also... earlier Bella said the drive was a 3-day one. I'd estimate two days if you stopped for a rest... which they don't. Apparently they drive all night without stopping for Bella to do her necessaries. I hate to speculate, but is anyone else reminded of the Lisa Nowak case?<br /><br />""I know, Bella. Believe me, I know. It's like you've taken half my self away with you."" Because that's not creepy and co-dependent to say to your girlfriend of maybe three months.<br /><br />""Could you believe that, despite everything I've put you through, I love you, too?"" *facepalm*Could he be less self-aware? Seriously, even if this was an apology for his despicable behavior, it wouldn't be near enough. Yet she thinks it's sweet.<br />"As soon as the phone went dead, the cloud of depression began to creep over me again." Right, Bella Swan knows all about depression. She once read a book about it. Well, not so much a book as a paragraph in her Phys. Ed. textbook, but she knows everything about being depressed. <br /><br />""It's a ballet studio," I said, suddenly recognizing the familiar shapes.<br />They looked at me, surprised." How come those two couldn't recognize one? I'd know a ballet studio, and I've never been inside one in my life. Or are they surprised that she would state something so patently obvious?<br /><br />""They don't have a permanent number except at the house — she's supposed to check<br />her messages regularly."" Well, isn't that convenient. This is supposed to take place in 2003 or 2004, right? How is it that a baseball player wouldn't have a cell phone?<br /><br />"For a while, Alice sketched the vague outline of the dark room from her vision, as much as she could see in the light from the TV." Wait, I thought they could see in the dark.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-76954167016391608612010-07-05T18:31:00.000-07:002010-07-05T18:32:49.802-07:00Chapter 19: Where the Snarker Waxes Philosophical“My mind was blank as I tried to think of a way to make him let me go. This wasn't going to be pleasant.” It isn’t going to be sensible, either. Really, this is one of the stupidest plans in the history of stupid plans. There’s a reason why, if being tracked by dogs, one should always head for water. Dogs cannot smell feet in water. So why in God’s name should a vampire be able to smell genetic residue that he couldn’t smell five feet away, if they simply move her for a short time? Yes, we drop huge amounts of genetic material every day, but dumping Bella in a bathtub of tomato juice should be effective against this tracker. Keep her inside for a few days, with Edward, Alice, and Emmett guarding the windows if they’re so worried. Fake a call from Renée, begging Bella to stay with her a couple days and load Bella into an airplane en route to Bermuda. Surely a vampire who couldn’t afford shoes can’t afford a plane ticket, and what do they think he’ll do? Hack flight records on his laptop? Follow the smell of jet fuel? Because every single character in this book is affected with a terminal case of the stupids, Bella is going to crush her father for no good reason at all. Also, out of curiosity, what were they planning on doing when the situation got resolved? Tell Bella to pretend it was all a really bad joke?<br /><br />“I felt moisture filling up my eyes as I looked at Emmett. I barely knew him, and yet, somehow, not knowing when I would see him again after tonight was anguishing.” Bella is such a twat. Really, she is. She doesn’t give a tinker’s toot about Emmett, it’s just what he represents – eternal youth and sexiness.<br /><br />“"Fifteen minutes," he warned under his breath.” WHY!?! If James can’t smell her five feet away, there is no way in hell he can find her scent fast enough around town to find her house, especially since she has a car and has been driving everywhere. Last I checked, gas fumes do not smell like freesia.<br /><br />“"I love you," I said in a low, intense voice. "I will always love you, no matter what happens now."” I could harp on the fact that this is not love by any stretch of the imagination, but instead I am going to call your attention to the blatant Day Time TV of that line. Seriously, it reads like a 12 year old wrote it in her Harry/Draco/Snape slash fic. <br /><br />“"Nothing is going to happen to you, Bella," he said just as fiercely.<br />"Just follow the plan, okay? Keep Charlie safe for me. He's not going to like me very much after this, and I want to have the chance to apologize later."<br />"Get inside, Bella. We have to hurry." His voice was urgent.<br />"One more thing," I whispered passionately. "Don't listen to another word I say tonight!"” More stilted, awkward dialogue. You know, the interesting thing about the fanfic level writing… it could easily be extrapolated that Bella and Edward talk like they’re in a bad romance film and act so melodramatic all the time is because they are consciously or subconsciously overcompensating for the fact that they are not in love. Bella has been established as a deluded nitwit, and Edward is incredibly lacking in self-awareness, but they could have easily fooled themselves into saying everything just the right way and doing everything just the right way, because without the script, they have nothing.<br /><br />“"I'm going borne,"” Typo, page 185. Should be “home”<br /><br />For some context, Bella is acting like a sane woman would towards Edward’s attentions – shrieking at him to leave and slamming the door in his face. Charlie is understandably worried. She acts like it’s his fault… and you would think this extremely oddball occurrence would get mentioned again. As far as I can tell from series synopses, the fact that she re-appears several days later in the hospital, with Edward by her side, is never questioned. If my daughter skipped town because some guy had been being a creep to her, then re-appeared beaten half to hell, with Creepazoid next to her telling me she fell and they’re in love again…<br /><br />“Edward's capable hands pushed mine away and zipped it smoothly.” Because Edward is better than her, you see.<br /><br />“I could think of only one way to escape, and it involved hurting him so much that I hated myself for even considering it.” Liar. You’ve had nothing but contempt for him since page one, but we’re supposed to forget all of that because she tells us she feels bad.<br /><br />“"Just let me go, Charlie." I repeated my mother's last words as she'd walked out this same door so many years ago. I said them as angrily as I could manage, and I threw the door open. "It didn't work out, okay? I really, really hate Forks!"” Poor Chuck, loving crazy, emotionally abusive harridans so much. <br /><br />“"I can drive," I said through the tears pouring down my cheeks.<br />His long hands unexpectedly gripped my waist, and his foot pushed mine off the gas pedal. He pulled me across his lap, wrenching my hands free of the wheel, and suddenly he was in the driver's seat.” Obviously, his complete lack of respect for her personal autonomy is love of the most elegant kind.<br /><br />“"But it won't be all right when I'm not with you," I whispered.” Nobody talks like this. <br /><br />“"Bella, don't you dare waste time worrying about me. Your only concern is keeping yourself safe and — please, please —trying not to be reckless."” But of course, since Bella is a child and incapable of logical thought, she does something reckless, and by reckless, I mean stupid.<br /><br />“"You can't bring him down. I've never seen anything like him in my three hundred years. He's absolutely lethal. That's why I joined his coven."” Yes, but they could easily thwart him with modern technology, and yet they don’t. Also, I don’t care how lethal he is. One or possibly two vampires against seven. Really.<br /><br />“"Don't underestimate James. He's got a brilliant mind and unparalleled senses. He's every bit as comfortable in the human world as you seem to be, and he won't come at you head on…” We have seen no evidence of any of that, and having seen the movie, we won’t see any evidence of that. James is less of a threat than Vinnie from Gargoyles, or the first villain of the week from any superhero cartoon. He’s incompetent and yet somehow magical – we are shown vividly that his brilliance relies on his quarry being idiotic, which is why Bella is right up his ally. Yet everyone talks about how smart and tough he is when there is absolutely no reason for any of it.<br /><br />“Esme was already moving; her hand touched an inconspicuous keypad on the wall, and with a groan, huge metal shutters began sealing up the glass wall.” Why do they have such a thing? I know they’re richer than God, but why the James Bond Panic Room? It makes no sense.<br /><br />“"Get her upstairs and trade clothes," Edward commanded. She stared back at him with livid disbelief.<br />"Why should I?" she hissed. "What is she to me? Except a menace — a danger you've chosen to inflict on all of us."” Good point. Why should she put herself in danger? We’re never given an explanation for why Edward’s happiness is more important than Rosalie’s safety, it’s just assumed that that’s the way it should be and Rosalie is just a selfish bint who only thinks of herself. I would risk my life to save my sister-in-law, but I love my brother and I love my sister-in-law. Rosalie and Edward do not like each other, and Rosalie has met Bella a total of twice, and yet is expected to consider her above herself. For what reason? <br /><br />“"Esme?" he asked calmly.<br />"Of course," Esme murmured.” And of course, Esme, who has no combat skill whatsoever, is going to put her life on the line to keep Edward’s precious little hamburger safe. I guess because he’s a man, and his sexual pleasure is more important than her life. Also, the fact that he commanded Rosalie and “asked” Esme is again telling. He considers Rosalie beneath him and treats her like a servant or like a complete bitch. Esme gets the fake politeness of a question, even though it’s not really one.<br /><br />“I nodded, glancing warily at Rosalie. She was glowering at Carlisle with a resentful expression.” So Carlisle also considers Edward’s sexual pleasure more important than the safety of his wife and pseudo-daughter. <br /><br />“Rosalie stalked out the front door without another glance in my direction, but Esme touched my cheek as she passed.” I’m still seeing Rosalie’s point.<br /><br />“"May I?" she asked.<br />"You're the first one to ask permission." I smiled wryly.” Alice would be a much better match for Bella – at least she has some respect for her.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-30587797476268207712010-06-23T16:59:00.001-07:002010-06-23T16:59:55.824-07:00Chapter 18: Noses Just Don't Work That Way“Their walk was catlike, a gait that seemed constantly on the edge of shifting into a crouch.” I know they’re vampires and predators and stuff, but this is kind of silly. These are not the traditional skulky vamps, but the kind that gain preternatural beauty which enables them to draw in their victims. Buffy-vamps don’t skulk, because they don’t need to. They look normal, and then WAGH! You’ve got a vamp chomping on you. It doesn’t make sense to have feral vampires when these vampires have no weaknesses and look fully human (albeit extremely gorgeous ones with odd eyes). I also imagine they do that stupid parakeet head bob that actors do when they’re trying to portray a feral character.<br /><br />“The clothes were frayed, though, with wear, and they were barefoot.” While I have a dear friend who does hike barefoot, most people do a double take when they see barefoot people tromping through the woods. Again, this makes no sense. They may be the equivalent of vampire hippies, living in the woods as opposed to among the livestock, but still. Getting to eat people has a certain hinging on looking normal, or maybe they just move so fast that people don’t even notice when these things come sneaking up on them. Maybe that’s why no shoes?<br /><br />“Their sharp eyes carefully took in the more polished, urbane stance of Carlisle” Filthy hippie vamps, meet WASP vamp.<br /><br />Disregarding the movie, black people continue to not exist in Twilight. Laurent, who was played by Foreman from House, is actually Italian in the book. Well, presumably Italian, as he has olive skin, black hair, and solid muscles. So where’d he get that French accent? Maybe he’s from the south of France? Or an Italian descendant born in Quebec?<br /><br />“His eyes moved appreciatively over Carlisle's refined appearance.” Ho yay!<br /><br />For all that this is a potentially life or death situation, this scene is awfully bland. Bella’s just like “Ho-hum, here are some vamps that eat people. They’re a bit creepy I guess. Blah-di-blah-di-blah… Carlisle called me family! OMG!!! Oh wait, now they’re trying to eat me.’ The rest is just a conversation about home life habits of Meyerpires.<br /><br />“My hair ruffled with the light breeze, Edward stiffened” Immature yes, but *snerk*<br /><br />“A swift rigidity fell on all of them as James lurched one step forward into a crouch.” Just wanted to point out another terrible sentence.<br /><br />“We reached the Jeep in an impossibly short time, and Edward barely slowed as he flung me in the backseat.<br />"Strap her in," he ordered Emmett, who slid in beside me.” This is just… I know he’s supposed to be worried for her safety, and it’s understandable, but he’s treating her like a naughty child. First he just throws her onto his back like a backpack, then throws her into the car, raging the whole time. She didn’t ask to get dragged along to vampire baseball after Alice TOLD them that there were feral filthy hippie vamps in the neighborhood. He deliberately put her in danger, and is now acting like she should be punished for not telling him no.<br /><br />“"Where are we going?" I asked.<br />No one answered. No one even looked at me.<br />"Dammit, Edward! Where are you taking me?"<br />"We have to get you away from here — far away — now." He didn't look back, his eyes on the road. The speedometer read a hundred and five miles an hour.<br />"Turn around! You have to take me home!" I shouted. I struggled with the stupid harness, tearing at the straps.<br />"Emmett," Edward said grimly.<br />And Emmett secured my hands in his steely grasp.<br />"No! Edward! No, you can't do this."<br />"I have to, Bella, now please be quiet."<br />"I won't! You have to take me back — Charlie will call the FBI! They'll be all over your family —Carlisle and Esme ! They'll have to leave, to hide forever!"” Again with treating Bella like a naughty and particularly stupid child. They’re in the car, why can’t he take two seconds to explain the whys and the wherefores before effectively kidnapping her? We already know that he doesn’t need to see the road to drive, because apparently the road has a conscious thought pattern that can be read, so it would hardly divide his attention. He can communicate telepathically with Alice who could easily explain while he drove, even if she was looking out the windows. Or Emmett could explain, since he doesn’t seem to be doing anything but securing the prisoner. And Bella, now that Meta-Bella has long since died for want of sense, can only think about how this kidnapping will make things hard on Edward’s family, not that her father might have a legitimate reason to be worried. <br /><br />“Alice spoke for the first time. "Edward, pull over."<br />He flashed her a hard look, and then sped up.<br />"Edward, let's just talk this through."<br />"You don't understand," he roared in frustration. I'd never heard his voice so loud; it was deafening in the confines of the Jeep. The speedometer neared one hundred and fifteen. "He's a tracker, Alice, did you see that? He's a tracker!"” Because women shouldn’t speak when the men are doing manly things. Edward doesn’t seem to realize that it might be bad to be dragging Bella away without even a modicum of explanation. Also, the function of a tracker doesn’t really make much sense. What, they get one sniff of blood and decide that they must have that? I know vampires are supposed to be evil, but this is just stupid. Why would a vampire knowingly track down a human that he knows is in protection of SEVEN other vampires, against a truce that has already been settled? Furthermore, why don’t the Cullens just keep Bella with them? A tracker, okay, so he tracks. What, does he have ridiculously strong super-vamp-powers that would enable him to be a fit opponent for seven old vampires with prodigious strength? I mean, it’s nice to have a bit of plot that isn’t ‘I WUV U SOOOO MUUUCH! O WAIT I KILL UUUU!!!!’, but this plot is nonsensical.<br /><br />“"There are no options," Edward hissed.<br />"I'm not leaving Charlie!" I yelled.<br />He ignored me completely.<br />"We have to take her back," Emmett finally spoke.<br />"No." Edward was absolute.<br />"He's no match for us, Edward. He won't be able to touch her."<br />"He'll wait."<br />Emmett smiled. "I can wait, too."<br />"You didn't see — you don't understand. Once he commits to a hunt, he's unshakable.<br />We'd have to kill him."<br />Emmett didn't seem upset by the idea. "That's an option."<br />"And the female. She's with him. If it turns into a fight, the leader will go with them, too."<br />"There are enough of us."<br />"There's another option," Alice said quietly.<br />Edward turned on her in fury, his voice a blistering snarl. "There — is — no — other- option!"” Again, Edward is a grade A asshole. Yeah, I can see being protective, but this is just psychotic. He’s doing this against her will and leaving her father in danger to satisfy himself. He already hangs out in her room every night, so how long would this tracker have to wait? Obsessed with tracking is more like obsessed with stupid. <br /><br />“I broke it. "Does anyone want to hear my plan?"<br />"No," Edward growled. Alice glared at him, finally provoked.<br />"Listen," I pleaded. "You take me back."<br />"No," he interrupted.” It’s the respect and compassion that really draws me into this relationship.<br /><br />“"I demand that you take me home." I tried to sound firm.<br />Edward pressed his fingers to his temples and squeezed his eyes shut.<br />"Please," I said in a much smaller voice.” More paternalistic squick.<br /><br />“"You're leaving tonight, whether the tracker sees or not. You tell Charlie that you can't stand another minute in Forks. Tell him whatever story works. Pack the first things your hands touch, and then get in your truck. I don't care what he says to you. You have fifteen minutes. Do you hear me? Fifteen minutes from the time you cross the doorstep."” Weak woman thing’s plan isn’t good enough until I say it’s good enough! <br /><br />“He glared at me in the rearview mirror.”Why is he glaring? Is he that mad that she didn’t want her father slaughtered? I mean, disrespecting him constantly is one thing, but I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want him dead. Although Edward’s orders really don’t make any sense, since James can’t follow Bella’s scent in a truck, presumably. After all, he didn’t catch her scent until she was upwind of him, which makes him a pretty piss-poor tracker. Also, smell doesn’t work the way Edward (or rather, SMeyer) seems to think. The Earth is constantly in flux- the wind is always blowing, bacteria are always reproducing, insects and animals and other humans are constantly crossing the same paths. Unless Bella is Pepe LePew, her scent is not going to be traceable from a truck, because diesel wipes out blood. It’s established that no one smells blood unless they’re close or are blown in the wind (which still doesn’t make sense, because blood is internal. The unique scents of each body have to do with sweat and skin composition, which is why all perfumes smell different on different people. Skin, not blood). Even allowing that vampires can smell blood that is inside a creature, they would not be able to track it unless the person in question was bleeding. There would simply be too much cross-contamination. <br /><br />“”Bella, please just do this my way, just this once," he said between clenched teeth.” When does she not do anything his way? This is really where Edward just gets strange – he does not realize that he’s controlling, domineering, manipulative, any of it. He probably thinks himself a most reasonable man.<br /><br />“Emmett looked at me, insultingly surprised again.” So it’s all right that Edward thinks you’re stupid, but not Emmett?<br /><br />Two improperly italicized ‘gets’ on page 183: “will [i]get[/i] hurt — she'll[i] get[/i] hurt,”<br /><br />“"Bella." Edward's voice was very soft. Alice and Emmett looked out their windows. "If you let anything happen to yourself— anything at all — I'm holding you personally responsible. Do you understand that?"<br />"Yes," I gulped.” I sort of understand this, but he’s still making her out to be the bad guy here. There is no trust and no love in this relationship, just mutual sexual obsession. Even the dearest loves could bear to be parted for a week in exchange for one partner’s safety, but not Bedward.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-58682511790083457002010-05-20T13:44:00.000-07:002010-05-20T13:46:03.348-07:00Chapter 17: Wherein Being a Vampire Means That You May Ignore Physics“And then I saw the black car, a weathered Ford, parked in Charlie's driveway — and heard Edward mutter something unintelligible in a low, harsh voice.” Somehow I get the feeling that he was muttering some nasty slur name on Native Americans and the horrified editor took it out. Then again, we have ample evidence that this book never had an editor…<br /><br />“Edward's low voice was furious. "This is crossing the line."” How dare that nasty old Injun tell Charlie that Bella is going around with an undead sucker of human blood!<br /><br />“"Let me deal with this," I suggested. Edward's black glare made me anxious.” Anxious that he would do what? For all that she claims to trust Edward implicitly, she sure seems awfully scared of him a lot of the time.<br /><br />“I bridled a little at the word child. "Jacob is not that much younger than I am," I reminded him.<br />He looked at me then, his anger abruptly fading. "Oh, I know," he assured me with a grin.” Charming. In case you weren’t quite getting the creepy father-daughter vibe.<br /><br />“"Soon," I stressed as I opened the door and stepped out into the rain.” This isn’t the behavior of someone in love. This is the behavior of a drug addict. As such, it is not charming and not romantic – it’s deeply disturbing. Maybe I just had my head screwed on more solidly than the average teen, but I never felt so disgustingly desperate with my first love. And he was everything that Edward is not: kind, loving, well-spoken, intelligent, interesting, and respectful.<br /><br />“"No," I quickly lied, my face going hard.” You have it here, folks. Twilight encourages lying to paraplegics.<br /><br />“"Charlie won't be back for a long time." My voice was almost rude.” Oh, I’m sure it was very rude. Tchah, what does this old fart know about the relative wisdom of trying to boink the eternally damned?<br /><br />“"You're right," I agreed. "It is none of your business."” You know, except for that whole devouring the flesh and blood of the living thing.<br /><br />“"Actually, I did know that," I informed him in a hard voice.” Between her hard voice and her hard face, Bella is a very hard person. Why is it SMeyer only uses a thesaurus when she doesn’t have to?<br /><br />“He pursed his thick lips as he considered that.” *wince* Guess SMeyer never read Othello… granted, it could just be considered a piece of description, but considering that “thick lips” has been used as an insult for non-whites for over 400 years, it might be considered an eensy bit insensitive.<br /><br />“"Though it would be my business, again, whether or not I think that it's Charlie's business, right?"” Well, you know, there is the whole parent thing, and it kind of is his business that his daughter is running around with the friendly neighborhood vampire.<br /><br />“"Yes," he finally surrendered. "I guess that's your business, too."” Unless he drinks Charlie’s blood. Just sayin’.<br /><br />“Now that I was removed from Jasper's and Edward's influence, I began to make up for not being terrified before.” Wait, what? Terrified of what?<br /><br />“I gave up quickly on choosing an outfit — throwing on an old flannel shirt and jeans — knowing I would be in my raincoat all night anyway.” What? Is this about the vampire baseball or that she thinks Charlie might toss her out of the house? Also, why are they bringing Bella to play baseball at night? It’s not like she’d be able to see anything.<br /><br />“Needing no more invitation than that, she launched into a minute-by-minute account of the previous night. I mmm'd and ahh'd at the right places, but it wasn't easy to concentrate.” Bella Swan, best friend ever!<br /><br />“"So what did you do yesterday?" Jessica challenged, still sounding bothered by my lack of attention.” Well, yeah. That’s kind of to be expected. If your friend tells you that the boy she’s like for ages finally kissed her and you went ‘Uh-huh that’s nice’, she’d have every right to be offended.<br /><br />And we continue with Small Talk: A Love Story. Blah blah, Charlie thinks Edward is Emmett and that he’s too old, Bella explains who is who, Charlie goes Oh, and the subject is pretty much dropped.<br /><br />“"Leave the dishes, I can do them tonight. You baby me too much."” It probably has to do with the fact that Bella thinks you’re an overgrown infant, Chuck.<br /><br />“Edward stood in the halo of the porch light, looking like a male model in an advertisement for raincoats.” … we’re told twice that Edward looks like an advertisement and three times that he looks like a model. Guess that’s why Robert Pattinson is always doing ‘Magnum’ in his Edward makeup.<br /><br />“Edward sat down fluidly in the only chair, forcing me to sit next to Chief Swan on the sofa.” Seriously, did Charlie beat her with a nickel-sock when she was a child? Why does she hate him so much?<br /><br />“"She'll be safe with me, I promise, sir."” Except that he’s going to accidentally set a posse of ugly vampires who want to eat her and nearly beat her to death twice on her… but other than that, perfectly safe.<br /><br />“I stalked out. They both laughed, and Edward followed me.” Haha, silly little emotional women.<br /><br />“That meant he couldn't see how Edward's hands lingered at my neck, brushed along my collarbones. I gave up trying to help him and focused on not hyperventilating.” Blah blah cocktease blah. More non-porn pornography.<br /><br />“"You smell so good in the rain," he explained.” Like wet dog. I eat dogs, you know, so it’s making me hungry.<br /><br />“"It seems I'm going to have to tamper with your memory."<br />Before I could react, he pulled me from the Jeep and set my feet on the ground. ” If that doesn’t set off some creep alarms…<br /><br />Oh God. This next page is just stomach turning. Edward is nuzzling her like a dog looking for the meaty chunks in his Kibble and demanding that she get over her puny fears of smashing into a tree and dying or puking all over him. Why doesn’t he just hit her over the head and drag her off by the hair?<br /><br />“Now let's get out of here before I do something really stupid," he growled.” Why is this a person anyone would ever voluntarily want to be around? He could look like Marlon Brando and he still wouldn’t be worth this.<br /><br />“"Don't forget to close your eyes," he warned severely.” Again with the paternalism.<br /><br />“I contented myself with listening to his breath come and go evenly.” Why is he breathing? Also, SMeyer says that vampires can’t get pregnant because their skin can no longer expand. Barring the fact that vampires also wouldn’t be able to get erections if that was the case, it should also be completely impossible for them to breathe.<br /><br />“He stared at me incredulously, evidently not sure whether he was still too mad to find me funny.” Why is he mad? Also, what kind of a guy would laugh at a girl he has made motion sick falling on her ass?<br /><br />“I picked myself up, ignoring him as I brushed the mud and bracken off the back of my jacket. That only made him laugh harder.” You have it here, folks. Edward has the worst, nastiest sense of humor ever.<br /><br />“"That I wasn't mad at you. Can't you see that, Bella?" He was suddenly intense, all trace of teasing gone. "Don't you understand?"” Yeah, don’t you understand that when I yell and scream and sulk and pout and call you names it’s nothing personal?<br /><br />“"I'm never angry with you — how could I be? Brave, trusting… warm as you are."” And here we get a very delayed description of Bella’s personality… which is totally at odds with everything the book has established. Let’s break it down:<br /><br />1) Bella does not believe she is in any danger at all from Edward, so her spending time with him is about as brave as me spending time with my declawed cat. She has made it clear that she does not believe Edward is even remotely dangerous, or in those brief glimpses when she realizes he is, she’s so busy trying not to jam both her hands down her pants that she doesn’t care.<br />2) Bella could be called trusting, I suppose, but blind would be better. She trusts that Edward won’t hurt her, but not because she has put rational thought into it. She trusts him because she has told herself she has no choice.<br />3) Warm? Is this the Bella who can’t be bothered to listen to anyone, ever, for any reason? She doesn’t even listen to Edward – no matter what he tells her, she just goes ‘You’re wrong because I love you!’. I mean, I guess he’s always wanted unconditional acceptance, but as she believes she doesn’t have a choice in the matter, that’s not warmth or love.<br /><br />“"Now, please try to behave yourself," he continued, and he bent to softly brush his lips against mine.<br />I held properly still.” Yes, if you don’t behave yourself Daddy won’t give you a lolly.<br />“"Bella was being unintentionally funny," Edward explained, quickly settling the score.” She was falling down and getting dirty and acting like she had feelings and stuff. Hilarious.<br /><br />“"No, I prefer to referee — I like keeping them honest," she explained.” Plus, it would be unseemly for a matron to play ball.<br /><br />“"No," I murmured, stunned, scrambling to understand what lifetime she was remembering.” I don’t think that would be that hard. She’s dead now, and at one point she wasn’t. That’s when she lost a child.<br /><br />“”Yes, my first and only baby. He died just a few days after he was born, the poor tiny thing," she sighed. "It broke my heart — that's why I jumped off the cliff, you know," she added matter-of-factly.” This is the worst exposition ever. What kind of person talks like that? I know she’s had a few years to get over her suicide, but seriously, I don’t think SMeyer has ever met a person who has even had suicidal urges, let alone has attempted suicide.<br /><br />“"That's why I'm so happy that he's found you, dear." The endearment sounded very natural on her lips. "He's been the odd man out for far too long; it’s hurt me to see him alone."” Because obviously Edward being lonely is a much bigger issue than your loss and bleak despair that ended in you taking your own life. I think the reason Rosalie is portrayed as such a bitch is because she’s the only one of the Cullen’s who doesn’t think Edward is more important than she is.<br /><br />“”You're what he wants.” And Lord knows Edward must have what he wants. He might turn into the Incredible Sulk otherwise. YOU WON’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M POUTY!<br /><br />“This time the bat somehow made it around in time to smash into the invisible ball. The crack of impact was shattering, thunderous; it echoed off the mountains — I immediately understood the necessity of the thunderstorm.” You know, a lot of study has been done on the physics of baseball. In fact, baseball is used in a lot of introductory physics texts to show how things work. The thing is, baseballs are not sturdy enough to break the sound barrier. They would shatter on impact, as would the bats, because if the force of the bat with the ball is enough to send the ball out with speed exceeding 768 mph, both would just disintegrate. They were never made to withstand that type of pressure… particularly an aluminum bat. Unless it was a specially constructed vampire bat. (I know, and I’m ashamed of myself, but it was begging to be made)<br /><br />“He sprinted to my side, sparkling with excitement.” Har.<br /><br />“Alice slapped them dainty high fives.” ???<br /><br />And the plot will arrive next chapter! Or so we are promised. Only 178 pages in.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-12230742767349137592010-04-16T19:42:00.001-07:002010-04-16T19:42:29.499-07:00New Prolofgue and New Chapter 1: Enter the WhingingPrologue:<br />“I stared without breathing across the long room” The “without breathing” should be a clause beginning the sentence.<br />“Surely it was a good way to die, in the place of someone else, someone I loved.” This could be a good lead-in, except it’s only based on her stupidity. She doesn’t die in place of anyone, nor does she even remotely have to. She just kind of randomly decides that she can handle an immortal killing machine and goes skipping tra-la off to meet him, saving no one and accomplishing nothing but putting herself in huge amounts of danger.<br />“When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.” Which kind of establishes that Bella only defines life by her romantic relationships and is nothing without a man…<br /><br />The writing is heavy handed, but doesn’t really give an inkling to the true horror that lurks. The problem with it is it attempts to do the epic introduction at the height of action, but kind of fails. We know from reading the book jacket that it’s about a chick who falls in love with a vampire… and we know from the prologue that it isn’t Edward who attempts to kill her, which is what everyone was wondering. The fact that someone else tries to kill the vampire loving girl defeats the tension of the entire premise.<br /><br />Chapter 1: <br /><br />“I was wearing my favorite shirt — sleeveless, white eyelet lace; I was wearing it as a farewell gesture. My carry-on item was a parka.” This just doesn’t flow very well.<br /><br />“It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America.” No, it doesn’t, and also, first establishing that Bella is a stuck-up little snob. Phoenix = good, Forks = bad.<br /><br />“It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old.” Escaped? Seriously, she makes it sound like Forks is the Warsaw Ghetto. <br /><br />“It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead.” I think this is supposed to make us sympathize with and like Bella. Instead it makes me want to smack a bitch. She only sees her father two weeks a year, and she has the gall to insist that they can’t see each other in his home town?<br /><br />“It was to Forks that I now exiled myself— an action that I took with great horror.” And here it is established that Bella is a verbose little nit whose every minor emotion is a cataclysm. But this is still supposed to be making her likable.<br />“"Bella," my mom said to me — the last of a thousand times — before I got on the plane. "You don't have to do this."” Stephenie Meyer should be fined for over and improperly using dashes. And no, she really doesn’t have to do this, but how could she play the martyr if she didn’t? I also love how all this nastiness about the town correlates to nastiness about Bella’s father.<br /><br />“My mom looks like me, except with short hair and laugh lines.” And what do you look like? Explain, book, EXPLAIN! <br /><br />“I felt a spasm of panic as I stared at her wide, childlike eyes.” And sexism rears its ugly head on page 4. Renee wouldn’t be a sexist caricature if she was the only female to be childish and silly, but she’s not. Edward always treats Bella like a child, Alice is described in terms of dancing and chirping and playing, while the men get more dignified movements. <br /><br />“How could I leave my loving, erratic, harebrained mother to fend for herself ?” How did she manage before you were born? How did she not accidentally bake you into a pie when you were a toddler?<br /><br />“Of course she had Phil now, so the bills would probably get paid, there would be food in the refrigerator, gas in her car, and someone to call when she got lost, but still…” First instance of a man being the wise, load-bearing one, while the woman is flighty and silly.<br /><br />“But I could see the sacrifice in her eyes behind the promise.” What sacrifice? From the terms you’ve described her in, I could imagine your mother forgetting you exist the moment you’re out of her sight.<br /><br />“Flying doesn't bother me; the hour in the car with Charlie, though, I was a little worried about.” Well, we know nothing about her father, except she apparently hates him for his choice of living location. Maybe he’s a really nasty person who yells a lot, or something else horrible… except that we find out pretty quick that he’s a really decent kind of guy who’s stuck with a doltish daughter.<br /><br />“Charlie had really been fairly nice about the whole thing.” She now goes on to describe him being extremely nice, but it’s still not good enough for Princess here.<br /><br />“He seemed genuinely pleased that I was coming to live with him for the first time with any degree of permanence.” Bad phrasing there. Just wanted to point it out.<br /><br />“Neither of us was what anyone would call verbose” Oh, Bella, you lying bitch. If the only thing I said all day was ‘The rancorous breath of Boreas is markedly gelid this forenoon’, I would not be talkative, but I would be verbose. Talkative and verbose do not mean the same thing.<br /><br />“and I didn't know what there was to say regardless.” Maybe you could try showing some interest and trying to have a conversation?<br /><br />“I knew he was more than a little confused by my decision — like my mother before me, I hadn't made a secret of my distaste for Forks.” Considering that you threw a tantrum at age 14 and refused to ever set foot in the city again, I think ‘distaste’ is a rather mild word.<br /><br />“I'd already said my goodbyes to the sun.” Oh, woe. Overdramatizing brat.<br /><br />“This I was expecting, too.” ?<br /><br />“My primary motivation behind buying a car, despite the scarcity of my funds, was that I refused to be driven around town in a car with red and blue lights on top.” Bella refuses to do a lot of things… <br /><br />“I wasn't allowed to call him Charlie to his face.” And here begins the cycle of her treating Charlie like dirt for no apparent reason. He’s shown as nothing but a kind, considerate, and loving father, and she acts like he keeps her chained up in the basement.<br /><br />“Most of my Arizona clothes were too permeable for Washington.” I wonder if she’s referring to her Hazmat suit or her deep-sea diving equipment. I think the word she’s going for is ‘light’ or ‘thin’.<br /><br />“"What kind of car?" I was suspicious of the way he said "good car for you" as opposed to just "good car."” And here she is being an ungrateful little bitch for the first time!<br /><br />“"Do you remember Billy Black down at La Push?" La Push is the tiny Indian reservation on the coast.” Terrible authorial intrusion there. If someone cared, they could look it up, or they could wait for it to be explained later. <br /><br />“That would explain why I didn't remember him. I do a good job of blocking painful, unnecessary things from my memory.” Because hanging out with Indians is so icky. Almost like getting raped or being stuck in a trench being mortared. How can people not want to smack some manners into Bella?<br /><br />“"He's in a wheelchair now," Charlie continued when I didn't respond, "so he can't drive anymore, and he offered to sell me his truck cheap."<br />"What year is it?" I could see from his change of expression that this was the question<br />he was hoping I wouldn't ask.” Actually, if it were me, I’d be stunned that my own flesh and blood, upon being told that an old family friend was in a wheelchair, only cared about the car. Bella completely lacks even a semblance of human compassion – even if I didn’t know the family friend well or even if I didn’t particularly like them, someone being confined to a wheelchair is a sad thing that deserves at least a question.<br /><br />“"Well, Billy's done a lot of work on the engine — it's only a few years old, really."<br />I hoped he didn't think so little of me as to believe I would give up that easily. "When did he buy it?"<br />"He bought it in 1984, I think."<br />"Did he buy it new?"” She’s just been told that an old family friend will never walk again and that she’s gotten a free car. And all she can harp on is how old the car is. Seriously, we’re supposed to like her and identify with her?<br /><br />“"Ch — Dad, I don't really know anything about cars. I wouldn't be able to fix it if anything went wrong, and I couldn't afford a mechanic…"” It’s true she doesn’t know anything about cars, or she would know that a late 50’s – early 60’s pickup truck is way easier to repair than just about anything made since.<br /><br />“The thing, I thought to myself… it had possibilities — as a nickname, at the very least.” Bella has done nothing but complain from page 2 onward. Since the prologue is supposed to establish her as self-sacrificing and noble, how are we supposed to trust anything the book tells us?<br /><br />“"Well, honey, I kind of already bought it for you. As a homecoming gift." Charlie peeked sideways at me with a hopeful expression.<br />Wow. Free.” I can hear your enthusiasm, you ungrateful snot-nosed punk. <br /><br />“No need to add that my being happy in Forks is an impossibility.” And random switch in tenses!<br /><br />“He didn't need to suffer along with me.” Maybe, just as a suggestion, you could try not to be so down on everything. Seriously, I get pessimism, but Bella isn’t a “glass half-empty” gal. She’s a “the glass is half-empty with toxic waste that is rapidly draining into the abyss of the 9th circle of hell” gal. <br /><br />Page 6: Conversation is capitalized randomly. Also, why has she still not asked about the poor guy in the wheelchair?<br /><br />“Even the air filtered down greenly through the leaves.” I think you mean the sun. Air is only visible in certain large cities.<br /><br />“It was too green — an alien planet.” No comment, just more complaining.<br /><br />“To my intense surprise, I loved it.” First thing you haven’t complained about in this book.<br /><br />“Now my horrific day tomorrow would be just that much less dreadful.” …. BAWW SOME MORE!<br /><br />“I wouldn't be faced with the choice of either walking two miles in the rain to school or accepting a ride in the Chief's cruiser.” Because, gah, can’t let people know who my father is! Ew!<br /><br />“There was only one small bathroom at the top of the stairs, which I would have to share with Charlie. I was trying not to dwell too much on that fact.” Jesus Christ, could you cool it with the Charlie being a freaky child abuser!<br /><br />“not to have to smile and look pleased; a relief to stare dejectedly out the window at the sheeting rain and let just a few tears escape.” So you can see how Bella easily won the title of Forks High School Miss Congeniality.<br /><br />“I would save that for bedtime, when I would have to think about the coming morning.” Not because she thinks the other kids are going to be mean to her, but because there aren’t enough other kids. Wow.<br /><br />“I would be the new girl from the big city, a curiosity, a freak.” I could understand worrying about that, but when the old kids practically throw a parade in her honor, all she can do is whine about that. <br /><br />“But physically, I'd never fit in anywhere.” You’d fit in just fine at any Hot Topic in the world.<br /><br />“Instead, I was ivory-skinned, without even the excuse of blue eyes or red hair, despite the constant sunshine. I had always been slender, but soft somehow,” This is supposed to establish that she feels awkward and ugly, but why then does she use terms of glowing beauty? Someone who thought their white skin was ugly would call it ‘fish belly white’, ‘dead white’, or ‘pasty’. If she thought she was too thin, she’d say ‘stick-like’ or ‘scrawny’. Instead of soft, she’d say ‘flabby’ or ‘weak’. No one who thinks they’re ugly describes themselves like this.<br /><br />“Maybe it was the light, but already I looked sallower, unhealthy.” Maybe it comes from being such a sad sack.<br /><br />“And if I couldn't find a niche in a school with three thousand people, what were my chances here?” Except she’s lying, because when everyone tries to be friendly, she immediately shuts them down, or just thinks nasty thoughts about them.<br /><br />“Even my mother, who I was closer to than anyone else on the planet, was never in harmony with me, never on exactly the same page.” Okay, that would be good telling in a more self-aware book. Bella is the center of the universe: she is a grade A speshul snowflake, and she thinks everyone needs to conform to her.<br />“You could never see the sky here; it was like a cage.” Bella has the worst case of SAD ever recorded.<br /><br />“I thanked him, knowing his hope was wasted.” Except it isn’t, but you still pretend it is.<br /><br />“then one of the three of us in the hospital after I was born, taken by a helpful nurse, followed by the procession of my school pictures up to last year's. Those were embarrassing to look at — I would have to see what I could do to get Charlie to put them somewhere else, at least while I was living here.” HOW CAN MY OWN FATHER DISPLAY PICTURES OF ME!? Oh the humanity!<br /><br />“It was impossible, being in this house, not to realize that Charlie had never gotten over my mom.” Well, maybe you should try talking to him about it. Except you don’t, and he’s stuck loving the two most inconsiderate women on the planet.<br /><br />“I donned my jacket — which had the feel of a biohazard suit — and headed out into the rain.” Blah-de-blah, Bella is a brat. Lather, rinse, repeat.<br /><br />“The engine started quickly, to my relief, but loudly, roaring to life and then idling at top volume.” Quick question. If Bella isn’t coordinated enough to walk down a hallway, how is she coordinated enough to drive stick?<br /><br />“Inside, it was brightly lit, and warmer than I'd hoped.” Yes, because it’s cold and rainy outside in Forks, the people keep the inside lights dim and the A/C on all year.<br /><br />“Plants grew everywhere in large plastic pots, as if there wasn't enough greenery outside.” Maybe these people have learned to live in harmony with nature, rather than hating it for existing.<br /><br />“"I'm Isabella Swan," I informed her, and saw the immediate awareness light her eyes.” Someone was using a thesaurus without bothering to use a dictionary.<br /><br />“I was expected, a topic of gossip no doubt.” Or it could be because your father registered you at school already. Just a wild guess.<br /><br />Typo, page 8: “She brought several sheets to the counter to show [b]roe[/b].”<br /><br />“No one was going to bite me.” Har.<br /><br />“My plain black jacket didn't stand out, I noticed with relief.” Why would it? Were you expecting the other kids to show up in neon?<br /><br />“At least my skin wouldn't be a standout here.” Since you’ve been complaining since page one that the sun never shines in Forks, were you really expecting this to be a problem?<br /><br />“He gawked at me when he saw my name” Meyer’s opinion of small town people is showing.<br /><br />“It was fairly basic: Bronte, Shakespeare, Chaucer, Faulkner. I'd already read everything.” Except this is never really mentioned again. She never thinks about anything she’s ever read, unless she can twist it to be about Edward. This also shows that SMeyer thinks already having done the work makes a person seem smarter. Hint: it doesn’t.<br /><br />“He looked like the overly helpful, chess club type.” Ew! How dare he be nice to me! He’s all ugly and stuff!<br /><br />“"I'm headed toward building four, I could show you the way…"Definitely over-helpful.” Wait, a page ago you were worried about having to wander around with your nose stuck in the map. So someone being nice is automatically a burden.<br /><br />“"You don't look very tan."<br />"My mother is part albino."” This is supposed to be her making a joke, but instead it comes off as rude and snippy for no reason.<br /><br />“He studied my face apprehensively, and I sighed. It looked like clouds and a sense of<br />humor didn't mix.” Maybe because that wasn’t funny.<br /><br />“My Trigonometry teacher, Mr. Varner, who I would have hated anyway just because of the subject he taught, was the only one who made me stand in front of the class and introduce myself. I stammered, blushed, and tripped over my own boots on the way to my seat.” Because girls don’t like math!<br /><br />“I tried to be diplomatic, but mostly I just lied a lot.” And she was so worried that she would have no friends. All day people try to make friends with her, but she just dismisses them.<br /><br />“I couldn't remember her name, so I smiled and nodded as she prattled about teachers and classes.” And here’s Jessica of the Big Hair, trying to be nice, while Bella completely ignores her. Why can’t she tell that Bella is just better than she is?<br /><br />“I forgot all their names as soon as she spoke them.” But she doesn’t care enough to try to remember them. Why would she? After all, she was lying through her teeth when she said she wanted friends and acceptance.<br /><br />“The boy from English, Eric, waved at me from across the room.” Is anyone else bothered that only the boy gets a name?<br /><br />“They weren't talking, and they weren't eating, though they each had a tray of untouched food in front of them.” Why do they bother buying and wasting food? It’s not a very good façade, that every day they buy lunch and then don’t touch it. It would actually make them stand out less if they just didn’t buy any food. Let everyone assume this rich snobs thought they were too good for pleb fare. Also, they just look even more suspicious by sitting around looking as sullen and rebellious and James Dean-like as possible.<br /><br />“Every one of them was chalky pale, the palest of all the students living in this sunless town. Paler than me, the albino. They all had very dark eyes despite the range in hair tones. They also had dark shadows under those eyes — purplish, bruiselike shadows. As if they were all suffering from a sleepless night, or almost done recovering from a broken nose.” Now that’s attractive. They might as well be wearing signs that proclaim ‘Hi, we’re vampires!’<br /><br />“They were faces you never expected to see except perhaps on the airbrushed pages of a fashion magazine. Or painted by an old master as the face of an angel.” Because the two look so similar. Also, good establishing that Bella cares nothing about friendliness, conversation, camaraderie, or kindness. She cares about beauty.<br /><br />“she dumped her tray” WHY!? Why, with people starving all over the world, do the Cullens waste food? <br /> <br />“My eyes darted back to the others, who sat unchanging.” Is this supposed to make them look normal and not suspicious? They’re glaring in every direction, not moving and not communicating, then one dances away, and they all continue glaring in random directions, not moving.<br />“In that brief flash of a glance, his face held nothing of interest — it was as if she had called his name, and he'd looked up in involuntary response, already having decided not to answer.” Meet Edward: snobby douchebag.<br /><br />“Her voice held all the shock and condemnation of the small town, I thought critically. But, if I was being honest, I had to admit that even in Phoenix, it would cause gossip.” Finally, she admits that this is something that’s a bit weird, not just that Forks does everything wrong.<br /><br />“With the glances she was throwing at their adopted children, I would presume the reason was jealousy.” Or maybe it’s because they’re a bunch of creepy snobs.<br /><br />“"I think that Mrs. Cullen can't have any kids, though," she added, as if that lessened their kindness.” Or maybe she’s explaining why there are five adopted teenagers.<br /><br />“Pity because, as beautiful as they were, they were outsiders, clearly not accepted.” Maybe because they’re jerks. <br /><br />“he was still staring at me, but not gawking like the other students had today” It’s okay for him to stare, because he’s gorgeous, and no one else is.<br /><br />“"That's Edward. He's gorgeous, of course, but don't waste your time. He doesn't date.<br />Apparently none of the girls here are good-looking enough for him." She sniffed, a clear case of sour grapes. I wondered when he'd turned her down.” Obviously nothing to do with them being rude snobs.<br /><br />“She was shy, too.” Except Bella is not shy. She’s whiny, self-aggrandizing, and has a martyr complex, but she’s never shy.<br /><br />“Was this his normal behavior? I questioned my judgment on Jessica's bitterness at lunch today. Maybe she was not as resentful as I'd thought.” Finally, a rational reaction not based off of stereotypes and snark.<br /><br />Typo page 13: “He was glaring down at me again, his black eyes full of revulsion. As I flinched away from him, shrinking against my chair, the phra[b] seif [/b]looks could kill suddenly ran through my mind.” Except she inexplicably finds this a turn on. He terrifies her at their first meeting, and that makes her fall head over heels in love with him Healthy!<br /><br />“"That's my next class, too." He seemed thrilled, though it wasn't that big of a coincidence in a school this small.” But instead of talking with the nice boy, she instead thinks of him dismissively and fixates on why didn’t Edward like her? She told us that at her old school, nobody liked her, so why does she find it so weird that Edward doesn’t?<br /><br />“Forks was literally my personal hell on Earth.” http://www.xkcd.com/725/<br /><br />“He was arguing with her in a low, attractive voice.” -_-<br /><br />“his face was absurdly handsome” You’ve just found out that he’s a nasty jerk who hates you for no reason. Why are you still focusing on how good he looks!?jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-50266291458961313642010-04-16T17:15:00.000-07:002010-04-16T17:16:39.688-07:00Hello campers!We now have our own Facebook fan page, so anyone who wants to share without actually remembering the blog name is free to do so. The blog will be going up soon, but to celebrate, I'm redoing the first chapter.<br /><br />http://www.facebook.com/pages/What-Went-Wrong-A-Dissection-of-Twilight/115706288455764?v=wall#!/pages/What-Went-Wrong-A-Dissection-of-Twilight/115706288455764jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-84562812081430968992010-04-15T21:53:00.000-07:002010-04-15T21:54:54.468-07:00Chapter 16: Which is Mercifully Short“Every time he touched me, in even the most casual way, my heart had an audible reaction.” That’s impossible. Literally physically impossible.<br /><br />“This one did not stand out among the bigger and brighter pieces; painted in varying tones of sepia, it depicted a miniature city full of steeply slanted roofs, with thin spires atop a few scattered towers.” Since this is supposed to be London in the 1650’s, it shouldn’t be painted. It should be a woodcut. Just a nitpick. Then again, I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a reproduction or an original. <br /><br />“It is amazing that he was able to resist… feeding… while he was still so new. The instinct is more powerful then, it takes over everything.” And this kind of pokes holes in Carlisle the Compassionate. He never ate anyone, but after going through blinding agony and having to fight body and soul to keep from eating everyone he met, not to mention his numerous suicide attempts, why would he inflict it on other people? Specifically on other people that he knew nothing about? Edward could have been a serial rapist or Rosalie could have been a psychotic axe murderer. But no, he just takes pity on a few stories and decides that there’d be nothing better than to make them thirst eternally for human blood!<br /><br />“He'd always been intelligent, eager to learn.” And yet he apparently knows nothing of Latin or Greek or theology. He never mentions neo-platonic ideals (which was a hot trend in his day) or Petrarchan love. I guess he could have forgotten it, or could have followed the course of the crumble of Petrarchism and Christian humanism. Either way, it seems weird that such a “compassionate” guy never mentions any of this stuff.<br /><br />“"He <span style="font-style:italic;">swam</span> to France ?"<br />"People swim the Channel all the time, Bella," he reminded me patiently.” Doesn’t he just drip paternalism? How does this not send shivers of revulsion through every female who reads this?<br /><br />“"Everything is easy for <span style="font-style:italic;">you</span>," I griped.<br />He waited, his expression amused.<br />"I won't interrupt again, I promise."<br />He chuckled darkly,” Edward likes being reminded that he’s better than his weak woman thing.<br /><br />“"You don't have to breathe?" I demanded.” Why would he? He’s a reanimated corpse. That’s what a vampire is, sweetcheeks.<br /><br />“"I know that at some point, something I tell you or something you see is going to be too much. And then you'll run away from me, screaming as you go."” Since she didn’t run screaming when you told her you wanted nothing more than to kill her and explained that you had killed and eaten humans in the past, what exactly is going to be “too much”? Maybe she’ll find out that he likes chess and is thus a geek and unworthy of her super-special specialness.<br /><br />“By night he studied music, science, medicine” All things he should have studied before. If that cross hung in the vicarage, then his father was one of the vicars of London. That’s a BIG DEAL! Carlisle should have spent at least a bit of time in Oxford or Cambridge, like all other young men from the clergy class did.<br /><br />“His expression became awed, almost reverent.” I’m just a bit bothered by the fact that he thinks Carlisle can do no wrong, yet he treats Esme with semi-affectionate condescension. <br /><br />“"He was studying in Italy when he discovered the others there. They were much more civilized and educated than the wraiths of the London sewers."” Just a guess, but maybe it had something to do with the fact that they weren’t living in open ditches filled with:<br /><blockquote><span style="font-style:italic;">Sweepings from butchers stalls, dung, guts, and blood, <br />Drowned puppies, stinking sprats, all drenched in mud, <br />Dead cats and turnips-tops</span> (Jonathan Swift, “Description of a City Shower”)</blockquote><br />Keep in mind that was written about the “sewers” 60 years after Carlisle was finding buried vampires.<br /><br />“"Solimena was greatly inspired by Carlisle's friends. He often painted them as gods,"” And Smeyer drags a perfectly innocent Baroque painter into the mud.<br /><br />“Carlisle stayed with them only for a short time, just a few decades. He greatly admired their civility, their refinement, but they persisted in trying to cure his aversion to his natural food source,' as they called it.” Good thing he’s so open-minded. A lot of people would be disturbed to have their closest friends be cannibalistic serial killers, but Carlisle accepts men of all stripes.<br /><br />“since he couldn't find a companion, he would create one.” This… well, I have nothing against Carlisle deciding that the perfect companion would be a beautiful young boy, but it seems a bit out of place for a strict Mormon.<br /><br />“When he turned back to me, a gentle angel's smile lit his expression.” I don’t know, but that makes this seem more homoerotic than just the fact that Carlisle’s first choice of companion was a teenage boy.<br /><br />“Well, I had a typical bout of rebellious adolescence — about ten years after I was… born…created, whatever you want to call it. I wasn't sold on his life of abstinence, and I resented him for curbing my appetite. So I went off on my own for a time."” …. I’m not going to touch this one.<br /><br />“"That doesn't repulse you?"<br />"No."<br />"Why not?"” Good question. He’s just openly admitted that he got tired of not nomming the Happy Meals with legs and went off and murdered people. So why is she so chill?<br /><br />“"It took me only a few years to return to Carlisle and recommit to his vision.” Only a few years of wanton murder and mayhem.<br /><br />“Because I knew the thoughts of my prey, I could pass over the innocent and pursue only the evil.” While that seems rational, isn’t that what caused all the trouble in Death Note?<br /><br />“The whole back side of the house must be glass.” Which means it wouldn’t be the “balanced” architecture described earlier – which still sounds Georgian, or the supposed age of the house. Whole walls of glass didn’t become the vogue until Frank Lloyd Wright. I guess they could have remodeled extensively, since they’re richer than God, but still. Another thing – why don’t the obscenely rich Cullens give to charity? <br /><br />“"I hate to burst your bubble, but you're really not as scary as you think you are. I don't find you scary at all, actually," I lied casually.” No girl should ever have to lie about that.<br /><br />“He stopped, raising his eyebrows in blatant disbelief. Then he flashed a wide, wicked smile.<br />"You really shouldn't have said that," he chuckled.” No Edward’s going to put the fear of God into you!<br /><br />“He growled, a low sound in the back of his throat; his lips curled back over his perfect teeth. His body shifted suddenly, half-crouched, tensed like a lion about to pounce.<br />I backed away from him, glaring.<br />"You wouldn't."<br />I didn't see him leap at me — it was much too fast. I only found myself suddenly airborne, and then we crashed onto the sofa, knocking it into the wall. All the while, his arms formed an iron cage of protection around me — I was barely jostled. But I still was gasping as I tried to right myself.<br />He wasn't having that. He curled me into a ball against his chest, holding me more securely than iron chains. I glared at him in alarm, but he seemed well in control, his jaw relaxed as he grinned, his eyes bright only with humor.” I’m sure this is meant to be charming play-wrestling, but it still made me feel unclean.<br /><br />“"That you are a very, very terrifying monster," I said, my sarcasm marred a bit by my breathless voice.<br />"Much better," he approved.” Because you’re no good unless you’re scared of me!<br /><br />“"It sounded like you were having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share," Alice announced.” So Alice has a little bit of sass. Too bad I know that it’s eventually subliminated by parties and fancy clothes.<br /><br />“I gathered that Alice was a bit more reliable than the weatherman, though.”<br /> Not really. Her power might as well be Plot in a Box. It only works when the plot requires it to, and when the plot requires it not to, it’s a shambles. Since the men’s powers all work perfectly, only Alice’s unreliable power can cause drama.<br /><br />“"Do you want to go?" Edward asked me, excited, his expression vivid.” Vivid is totally the wrong word to use in this situation. I believe she was going for ‘bright’ or ‘glowing’, based on what my Microsoft Word thesaurus pulled up.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-90361258935066618302010-04-06T19:46:00.000-07:002010-04-06T19:47:26.972-07:00Chapter 15: Oh Boy, Fun with Fake History!“I lay with my arm across my eyes, groggy and dazed.” Okay, so she fell asleep with Edward last night. This… just doesn’t seem healthy. Either she got terrible sleep because she was snuggling a statue, which would make sense, or it’s about to get weirder.
<br />
<br />“I moaned and rolled on my side, hoping more sleep would come. And then the previous day flooded back into my awareness.” Remember when Bella told us she wasn’t verbose?
<br />
<br />“"Your hair looks like a haystack… but I like it."” That’s a really passive-aggressive compliment. It’s like saying “You’re fat. Good thing I like fatties.”
<br />
<br />“"Edward! You stayed!" I rejoiced, and thoughtlessly threw myself across the room and into his lap.” This speaks for itself.
<br />
<br />“I laid my head cautiously against his shoulder, breathing in the smell of his skin.” I don’t know, this just seems disturbing paternal. The first thing she wants to do when she sees him is climb into his lap. Thank God this didn’t take place in the late 40’s or early 50’s when girls sometimes called their lovers ‘Daddy’.
<br />
<br />“"I was sure it was a dream."
<br />"You're not that creative," he scoffed.” I’m sure this is meant as charming teasing, but instead it comes off as more condescending bullshit, and would earn a swift kick in the shins from any reasonably aware woman.
<br />
<br />“"Charlie!" I remembered, thoughtlessly jumping up again and heading to the door.” She used ‘thoughtlessly’ twice in one page. Also, thoughtlessly doesn’t seem like the right word either time.
<br />
<br />“"He left an hour ago — after reattaching your battery cables, I might add. I have to admit I was disappointed. Is that really all it would take to stop you, if you were
<br />determined to go?"” Wait, what? Charlie detached her car’s battery cables or did Edward? We have no way of knowing, because nothing was or is ever again mentioned about battery cables. Also, this is really out of character for Charlie, since he seems to want Bella to get out of the house. But maybe he thought he was helping her with her “rebellion” in a sort of *nudge nudge wink wink say no more say no more* sort of way.
<br />
<br />“I deliberated where I stood, wanting to return to him badly, but afraid I might have morning breath.” Because Lord knows nothing kills a budding romance like a breath of wake-up stank. But since you smell like juicy freesia burgers I don’t think he’d notice if you had the breath of a camel.
<br />
<br />“"You're not usually this confused in the morning," he noted.” Bleh. Just another reminder of the stalking.
<br />“I skipped to the bathroom, my emotions unrecognizable.” The structure of this sentence is terrible. Does she not know how she feels about skipping to the bathroom? Is she not showing her emotions about the bathroom? Does she not know how she feels about bathrooms or skipping or what?
<br />
<br />“The face in the mirror was practically a stranger — eyes too bright, hectic spots of red across my cheekbones.” I’m playing a new game with this story – this is Bella’s narrative after Stockholm Syndrome sets in, after Edward has locked her in his basement. In this scene, Edward has obviously given her meth in her sleep.
<br />
<br />“"Welcome back," he murmured, taking me into his arms.” I guess young girls would find that romantic, but I’d find it a little creepy if a guy was waiting with his arms outstretched the whole time I was in the bathroom. Being joined at the hip does not denote love.
<br />
<br />“He rocked me for a while in silence, until I noticed that his clothes were changed, his hair smooth.
<br />"You left?" I accused, touching the collar of his fresh shirt.
<br />"I could hardly leave in the clothes I came in — what would the neighbors think?"
<br />I pouted.
<br />"You were very deeply asleep; I didn't miss anything."” More disturbing paternalism. Bella is very childish, but does she really need to be described in child-like terms?
<br />
<br />“His eyes gleamed. "The talking came earlier."” Of course he wouldn’t leave until he had pried into her private thoughts and feelings. You know, she keeps some things secret because she doesn’t want him to know them. He doesn’t appear to give a sweet bippy what she wants.
<br />
<br />“"You said you loved me."” No one in the history of ever sleep talks like that.
<br />
<br />“"You are my life now," he answered simply.” That is not romantic. That is creepy. It’s not love, it’s obsession, and why would any person want someone else to be obsessed with them? It’s not fun, and you end up getting badly done poetry and comparisons to cannolis.
<br />
<br />“"Breakfast time," he said eventually, casually — to prove, I'm sure, that he remembered all my human frailties.
<br />So I clutched my throat with both hands and stared at him with wide eyes. Shock
<br />crossed his face.
<br />"Kidding!" I snickered. "And you said I couldn't act!"
<br />He frowned in disgust. "That wasn't funny."” I have to admit, that was actually kind of funny on her part. She ruined it by laughing at her own joke, but that’s the sort of thing a normal couple would do. However, Edward is such a ridiculous narcissist that he can’t take any joke that is not made at another person’s expense.
<br />
<br />“But I examined his gold eyes carefully, to make sure that I was forgiven.” No one should have to do that.
<br />
<br />“He threw me over his stone shoulder, gently, but with a swiftness that left me
<br />breathless. I protested as he carried me easily down the stairs, but he ignored me. He sat me right side up on a chair.” So now she can’t walk unassisted? He doesn’t seem to treat this as a joke, but as her legitimately not being able to walk downstairs without accidentally decapitating herself or sit in a chair without being trampled by a rampaging hippogriph.
<br />
<br />“"Can I get you anything?" I asked, not wanting to be rude.
<br />He rolled his eyes. "Just eat, Bella."” He doesn’t even like when she’s trying to be polite?
<br />
<br />“"Are you afraid now?" He sounded hopeful.” Oh boy, I scared the weak woman thing!
<br />
<br />“"Don't worry." He smirked. "I'll protect you."” Now that he has apparently put the fear of being savagely eaten into her, his good humor is restored.
<br />
<br />“"Oh, they already know everything. They'd taken bets yesterday, you know" — he smiled, but his voice was harsh — "on whether I'd bring you back,” O.o And Carlisle’s talent is supposedly compassion? What kind of sick people bet on whether their supposed friend is going to eat his date?
<br />
<br />“"Is that any good?" he asked, turning back to me abruptly and eyeing my breakfast with a teasing look on his face. "Honestly, it doesn't look very appetizing."
<br />"Well, it's no irritable grizzly…" I murmured, ignoring him when he glowered.” She’s apparently grown a sense of humor in this chapter, but every time she makes a joke, it just makes Edward madder.
<br />
<br />“He stood in the middle of the kitchen, the statue of Adonis again, staring abstractedly out the back windows.” Abstractedly is technically correct, but it doesn’t read well.
<br />
<br />“His smile was patient.” Because Bella is a toddler, see.
<br />
<br />“"Are you going to tell Charlie I'm your boyfriend or not?" he demanded.” And there he goes with the demanding again. What is he going to do if she doesn’t?
<br />
<br />“I suppressed my internal cringing at the thought of Edward and Charlie and the word boy friend all in the same room at the same time.” Why?
<br />“"Well, I don't know if we need to give him all the gory details."” Especially that whole part about me wanting to drink your blood and eat your flesh.
<br />
<br />“"But he will need some explanation for why I'm around here so much. I don't want Chief Swan getting a restraining order put on me."” Why would he? Seriously, these two are so wrapped up in their fantasy of forbidden love that they simply forget that Charlie has been urging Bella to date since day one and that he’s gay for Carlisle. Seriously, why are they so obsessed with this imaginary persecution?
<br />
<br />“"Will you be?" I asked, suddenly anxious. "Will you really be here?"” This is not a normal or a healthy reaction.
<br />
<br />“"Okay." I bounced down the stairs. "I'm decent."
<br />He was waiting at the foot of the stairs, closer than I'd thought, and I bounded right into him. He steadied me, holding me a careful distance away for a few seconds before suddenly pulling me closer.
<br />"Wrong again," he murmured in my ear. "You are utterly indecent — no one should look so tempting, it's not fair."” Considering that she’s tempting in the ‘Please eat me’ sense… also, I defy anyone to say that these books are chaste.
<br />
<br />“"You are so absurd."” And Edward’s speech makes no sense.
<br />
<br />“The smell of his breath made it impossible to think.” Considering his mouth should smell like a charnel house, I could believe that.
<br />
<br />“"Shall I explain how you are tempting me?" he said. It was clearly a rhetorical question.
<br />His fingers traced slowly down my spine, his breath coming more quickly against my skin. My hands were limp on his chest, and I felt lightheaded again. He tilted his head slowly and touched his cool lips to mine for the second time, very carefully, parting them slightly.
<br />And then I collapsed.
<br />"Bella?" His voice was alarmed as he caught me and held me up.
<br />"You… made… me… faint," I accused him dizzily.
<br />"What am I going to do with you?" he groaned in exasperation. "Yesterday I kiss you, and you attack me! Today you pass out on me!"
<br />I laughed weakly, letting his arms support me while my head spun.
<br />"So much for being good at everything," he sighed.
<br />"That's the problem." I was still dizzy. "You're too good. Far, far too good."
<br />"Do you feel sick?" he asked; he'd seen me like this before.
<br />"No — that wasn't the same kind of fainting at all. I don't know what happened." I
<br />shook my head apologetically, "I think I forgot to breathe."
<br />"I can't take you anywhere like this."” I know this is a huge quote chunk, but it’s just so disturbing that it bore full quoting. It’s just… disgusting.
<br />
<br />“"I'm very partial to that color with your skin," he offered unexpectedly.” I think this is supposed to make him sound old-fashioned, but it really just makes him sound pretentious.
<br />
<br />“The trees held their protecting shadow right up to the walls of the
<br />house that rose among them, making obsolete the deep porch that wrapped around the first story.” Again with the pretentious language. Nobody talks like that.
<br />
<br />“The house was timeless, graceful, and probably a hundred years old. It was painted a soft, faded white, three stories tall, rectangular and well proportioned.” Actually, a more ornate, asymmetrical style was popular at the turn of the century. Georgian architecture was out of style, so why is their old house a Georgian?
<br />
<br />“The inside was even more surprising, less predictable, than the exterior. It was very bright, very open, and very large.” Wait, how could it be very bright? The entire house is completely shaded in by trees, and even if it wasn’t, Georgian architecture rarely has large windows.
<br />
<br />“Waiting to greet us, standing just to the left of the door, on a raised portion of the floor by a spectacular grand piano, were Edward's parents.” I guess they’ve just been waiting there all day for Edward and Princess Speshul Snowflake to arrive.
<br />
<br />“Something about her heart-shaped face, her billows of soft, caramel-colored hair, reminded me of the ingénues of the silent-movie era.” Except when Esme died in the 1920’s, most women wore their hair short.
<br />
<br />Random Alice acting spastic while her very WASPy family looks on disapprovingly.
<br />
<br />“you have a very beautiful home," I added conventionally.” I think that was supposed to be “conversationally”.
<br />
<br />“She spoke with feeling, and I realized that she thought I was brave.” I guess it’s easier to think that than that you were blinded by lust.
<br />
<br />“She was happy, absorbed — she seemed like a new, mysterious being to me then, someone outside the "mom" persona I took for granted. She'd put me through lessons, of course, but like most kids, I whined until she let me quit.” This is actually kind of sad. Her mother apparently has one skill and one joy in life, and Bella shot it down the second she tried to share it. Then again, our image of Bella in childhood is a spoiled little brat who cries and whines to get her own way in everything.
<br />
<br />
<br />“"No," she laughed. "Edward didn't tell you he was musical?"
<br />"No." I glared at his suddenly innocent expression with narrowed eyes.” Wait, what? Why would she act like this was some rudeness on his part? She’s never actually asked him about his interests or what he does in his spare time beyond be gorgeous and break into her bedroom.
<br />
<br />In this next chunk of dialogue, 10 different words are used instead of ‘said’. Seriously, it reads like a Mad Lib.
<br />
<br />“He gave me a long, exasperated look before he turned to the keys.” Why is the only thing Edward is willing to show off how easily he could murder her?
<br />
<br />“his eyes wide and persuasive.” I’m not sure what one has to do with the other…
<br />
<br />“"I told you he was the most recent to try our way of life. I warned him to keep his distance."
<br />I thought about the reason for that, and shuddered.” So the whole blood drinking thing bothers you when it’s not Edward. I guess because she knows full well that Jasper doesn’t want to sexxorz her.
<br />
<br />“Every time I touch you, she just about chokes with satisfaction."” That’s…. really disturbing. Even a fundamentalist discovering the son she thought was gay and going to hell has a girlfriend would not be this happy. It’s just weird.
<br />
<br />“"Alice has her own way of looking at things," he said through tight lips.” I’m going to pretend the reason he just got snippy is because Alice saw herself and Bella running away to share passionate lesbian vampire love.
<br />
<br />“"I have to, because I'm going to be a little… overbearingly protective over the next few days — or weeks — and I wouldn't want you to think I'm naturally a tyrant."” Except that he is. If he doesn’t think his behavior has been tyrannical or overbearing and he thinks he’s about to behave badly, then he’s even less self-aware than I thought.
<br />
<br />“"Yes… well, they aren't like us, of course — in their hunting habits, I mean. They
<br />probably won't come into town at all, but I'm certainly not going to let you out of my sight till they're gone."” Screw everyone else, though. A few dead people don’t bother me if you’re fine!
<br />
<br />“I shivered.
<br />"Finally, a rational response!"” He goes on to explain that it’s her self-preservation, but I’d be shivering in fear if Edward Cullen decided he wasn’t going to let me out of his sight for weeks. Also, the plot has arrived – sort of – on page 155 out of 235. That’s gotta be a record of some kind.
<br />
<br />“He touched the corner of my eye, trapping one I missed. He lifted his finger, examining the drop of moisture broodingly. Then, so quickly I couldn't be positive that he really did, he put his finger to his mouth to taste it.” He just licked her tears. And she still is not disturbed by this guy. Just… wow.
<br />
<br />And here we’re getting into the history fail.
<br />
<br />“"Carlisle was born in London, in the sixteen-forties, he believes. Time wasn't marked as accurately then, for the common people anyway.” Except as the son of a prominent minister, Carlisle would have known when he was born. If his father had his own vicarage, he would have known the year. Carlisle should also speak and read Latin and Greek, like all educated boys of his time.
<br />
<br />“As the Protestants came into power, he was enthusiastic in his persecution of Roman Catholics and other religions.” First off, what? The Protestants were already in power and had been for over 100 years at that point, and Catholics had been persecuted for over 100 years. As for other religions, what other religions? The Jews were expelled in the 13th century and there sure as hell weren’t any Muslims, Buddhists, or Hindus in England at that time. I think she means the Puritans or perhaps the Presbyterians, but an Anglican pastor would not be so happy about that. After all, it was the Church of England – a Royalist institution. Anglican pastors were often thrown into prison.
<br />
<br />“"They burned a lot of innocent people” NO THEY DIDN’T! Witches haven’t been burned in England since at most the 1400’s. The last person burned for heresy (not witchcraft) was in 1612. Witches and other supernatural beings were hanged.
<br />
<br />“He actually discovered a coven of true vampires that lived hidden in the sewers of the city, only coming out by night to hunt.” Considering the underground sewer system in London wasn’t built until the 1860’s, and the sewers were open ditches running into the Thames, I’m sure it wasn’t that hard. Perhaps she’s thinking of catacombs, but they didn’t have those in London.
<br />
<br />“He hid in a cellar, buried himself in rotting potatoes for three days.” That doesn’t make any sense. Partially because potatoes were not frequently consumed as human food until about 1720, and partially because who leaves a cellar full of rotting potatoes? jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-30129713718525571962010-03-14T08:46:00.000-07:002010-03-14T08:48:03.812-07:00Chapter 14: Elektra Complexes and Bad Driving and General Squick“He could drive well, when he kept the speed reasonable, I had to admit. Like so many things, it seemed to be effortless to him. He barely looked at the road, yet the tires never deviated so much as a centimeter from the center of the lane. He drove one-handed, holding my hand on the seat. Sometimes he gazed into the setting sun, sometimes he glanced at me — my face, my hair blowing out the open window, our hands twined together.” This makes no sense. He can read people’s minds, which is how he can drive so fast and never get caught, but what? Is he reading the car’s mind? I would be more scared to have him never looking at the road than I would to have him driving fast. Also… she’s got an old enough truck that it should be manual. He should be using his other hand at least part of the time.<br /><br /><br />“He had turned the radio to an oldies station, and he sang along with a song I'd never heard. He knew every line.” Is that supposed to be impressive? I know every line to a ton of old music, because I listen to it. Granted, I couldn’t sing you anything that’s on the radio now, but if you need the lyrics to the Andrews Sisters biggest hits, I’m your gal.<br /><br /><br />“"Music in the fifties was good. Much better than the sixties, or the seventies, ugh!" He shuddered. "The eighties were bearable."” Just a little bit on the music SMeyer doesn’t like, because obviously perfect Edward wouldn’t like it either. I’m also surprised he would dismiss two decades of very innovative music, as if it all sounded the same. Although I see Edward being a huge fan of glam rock. I’ll bet he had the enormous hair and gobs of eyeliner and the skintight Lycra over his scrawny frame. And he stomped around in his big boots looking all sullen and rebellious.<br /><br /><br />“"I wonder if it will upset you," he reflected to himself.” She just asked his age. Since she’s not upset by the fact that he is a legendary demon creature who murders humans for food, why would she be upset that he’s old? If he looked old, then she’d be totally creeped out, but that’s because old = ugly.<br /><br /><br />“He sighed, and then looked into my eyes, seeming to forget the road completely for a time.” HOLY SHIT GET YOUR EYES BACK ON THE ROAD<br /><br /><br />“He looked into the sun — the light of the setting orb glittered off his skin in ruby-tinged sparkles — and spoke.” Puuuuuurrrrrrpppppplllllleeeee. Also, why in the blue blazes is HE NOT EVEN GLANCING AT THE ROAD!?<br /><br /><br />“"They had already died from the disease. I was alone. That was why he chose me. In all the chaos of the epidemic, no one would ever realize I was gone."” See, that could be a lead-in to a fantastic creepfest of a story. An old vampire with a few wires crossed finds a pretty young orphan boy who is dying and kills him to turn him into his perfect companion. He then re-animates a suicide to play mommy to his golden boy and finds a pretty young dying rape victim and makes her to be the perfect bride for his favorite companion. Carlisle makes my skin crawl.<br /><br /><br />“"It was difficult. Not many of us have the restraint necessary to accomplish it. But Carlisle has always been the most humane, the most compassionate of us… I don't think you could find his equal throughout all of history." He paused. "For me, it was merely very, very painful."” What’s humane and compassionate about that? He puts a dying kid who has just lost both his parents through unspeakable agony and gives him an everlasting thirst for human blood because he happens to be lonely.<br /><br /><br />“I suppressed my curiosity, though it was far from idle.” That’s a terrible sentence.<br />“No doubt his quick mind had already comprehended every aspect that eluded me.” Wait, what? What does that even mean? Does it mean that he’s quick enough to have realized the very big holes in his story or that he’s so much smarter than she is that he’s realized exactly where she is confused, even if she can’t?<br /><br /><br />“"No, that's just Carlisle. He would never do that to someone who had another choice."” They do have another choice. To die. SMeyer is obviously terrified of death and dying, so she sees only a physical immortal life as being worth striving for. She sees being stuck on this planet forever as a mercy, not a curse. It’s kind of weird to think that a woman who has been promised godhood on her own planet is so afraid of not being on Earth.<br /><br /><br />“The respect in his voice was profound whenever he spoke of his father figure.” Nothing wrong with respecting your “father”, but I just wanted to point out that he treats Esme with a sort of affectionate condescension, definitely not with respect.<br /><br /><br />“She was hunting — we were in Appalachia at the time — and found a bear about to finish him off.” I live on the edge of Appalachia. Yes, we do have bears, but bear attacks are extremely rare in this region. Our black bears tend to be smaller and much shyer, so why is he getting mauled by a bear?<br /><br /><br />“She carried him back to Carlisle, more than a hundred miles, afraid she wouldn't be able to do it herself. I'm only beginning to guess how difficult that journey was for her." He threw a pointed glance in my direction, and raised our hands, still folded together, to brush my cheek with the back of his hand.<br />"But she made it," I encouraged, looking away from the unbearable beauty of his eyes.” Rosalie’s struggles remind me how hot Edward is. How horrible for him to have to think of unpleasant things!<br /><br /><br />“They both developed a conscience, as we refer to it, with no outside guidance.” Actually, I think most people would refer to being bothered by eating humans as having a conscience.<br /><br /><br />“She sees things — things that might happen, things that are coming. But it's very subjective.” The big point – all the males have reliable powers, while the woman’s is shiftless and unreliable.<br /><br /><br />“I couldn't picture it, this godlike creature sitting in my father's shabby kitchen chair.” *eyeroll* Because one’s looks totally determine what they will and won’t do. And again, your father isn’t good enough because EDWARD IS HOT AND RICH!<br /><br /><br />“no longer the fantastic sparkling creature of our sunlit afternoon.” *snerk*<br /><br /><br />“"The door was unlocked?"<br />"No, I used the key from under the eave."<br />I stepped inside, flicked on the porch light, and turned to look at him with my eyebrows raised. I was sure I'd never used that key in front of him.” Ladies, this is a perfect time to start screaming.<br /><br /><br />“"I was curious about you."<br />"You spied on me?" But somehow I couldn't infuse my voice with the proper outrage. I was flattered.” Bella is insane. Abso-flipping-lutely insane. He openly admitted to breaking into your house and spying on you, and you think that’s flattering? Thank God you don’t have a pet rabbit.<br /><br /><br />“He was unrepentant. "What else is there to do at night?"” Oh, how about anything other than breaking and entering and stalking? Doesn’t he have scrapbooks to make of her used tissues and chairs she’s sat on to lick?<br /><br /><br />“I let it go for the moment and went down the hall to the kitchen.” Okay, since I’ve actually been stalked, this is not how a sane woman reacts, even if she liked the guy before she found out he was a crazy stalker.<br /><br /><br />“He was there before me, needing no guide.” That’s actually pretty rude. When you go to a person’s house, you don’t barge into rooms ahead of them, even if you know where they are. Edward obviously flunked Miss Bluebird.<br /><br /><br />“I concentrated on getting my dinner, taking last night's lasagna from the fridge, placing a square on a plate, heating it in the microwave. It revolved, filling the kitchen with the smell of tomatoes and oregano.” And filling the novel with tedium and irrelevance.<br /><br /><br />“I still didn't turn around. "How often did you come here?"<br />"I come here almost every night."<br />I whirled, stunned. "Why?"” There is no correct answer for that. None. Why? Because he’s probably stealing your sweat socks to masturbate into and pretend he’s making sweet love to your feet. Hell, that would be the most positive thing that he could be doing.<br /><br /><br />“"You're interesting when you sleep." He spoke matter-of-factly. "You talk."” See, the thing is, sleep-talking rarely makes sense. I know several sleep talkers, and they may say full sentences, but those sentences make no sense. Bella is more likely to shout out ‘Giraffes are eating my popcorn! I’m going to shoot them!’ than she is to say his name.<br /><br /><br />“"No!" I gasped, heat flooding my face all the way to my hairline. I gripped the kitchen counter for support. I knew I talked in my sleep, of course; my mother teased me about it.<br />I hadn't thought it was something I needed to worry about here, though.” Um… what kind of things does she say in her sleep? Conversations with a sleep talker are like talking to a Dadaist. When I’ve revealed to friendsandrelations that they talk in their sleep, they usually respond with laughter when I tell them all the crazy things they’ve said.<br /><br />“His expression shifted instantly to chagrin.” No it didn’t.<br /><br /><br />“"Are you very angry with me?"<br />"That depends!" I felt and sounded like I'd had the breath knocked out of me.<br />He waited.<br />"On?" he urged.<br />"What you heard!" I wailed.” So… now wouldn’t be a good time to tell you I read your diary and your e-mails and listen in on your phone conversations… Seriously, she is perfectly fine with Edward raping her friend’s minds, but this one suggestion that her privacy isn’t sacrosanct sends her into a tailspin. What a bitch.<br /><br /><br />“"You miss your mother," he whispered. "You worry about her. And when it rains, the sound makes you restless. You used to talk about home a lot, but it's less often now. Once you said, 'It's too green.'" He laughed softly, hoping, I could see, not to offend me further.” SMeyer has obviously never met a single person who actually talks in their sleep. This is Hollywood sleep talking – it’s only present as relevant to the plot.<br /><br /><br />“"Don't be self-conscious," he whispered in my ear. "If I could dream at all, it would be about you. And I'm not ashamed of it."” I would sure as hell be self-conscious if I found out a guy I barely know has been coming into my room at night. I’d be sure he was going through my stuff… which we find out Edward has been doing. After all, he doesn’t need to respect puny humans, because they’re food.<br /><br /><br />“"Should your father know I'm here?" he asked.<br />"I'm not sure…" I tried to think it through quickly.” Why shouldn’t he? Charlie thinks Edward is salt of the earth. He may be a bit gruff about the new boyfriend thing, but I think the only way he would be mad would be if Edward had mounted her on the kitchen table.<br /><br /><br />“"Edward!" I hissed.<br />I heard a ghostly chuckle, then nothing else.” …. Bleh….<br /><br /><br />“"Bella?" he called. It had bothered me before; who else would it be?” You disrespectful little puke. Your car is outside, but your father encourages you to have friends. Maybe he hoped that you had gone out with one of them and had just left the lights on. He was just checking to see if you were home.<br /><br /><br />“He stepped on the heels of his boots to take them off, holding the back of Edward's chair for support.” Everything Edward touches becomes his.<br /><br /><br />“I took my food with me, scarfing it down as I got his dinner. It burned my tongue. I filled two glasses with milk while his lasagna was heating, and gulped mine to put out the fire.” Why in God’s name would you do that? It makes no sense. Why would you drag around a hot plate of scalding hot lasagna and bolt it down while microwaving another piece.<br /><br /><br />“Charlie sat in the chair, and the contrast between him and its former occupant was comical.” Now I really want to punch Bella across a room. What’s comical about her father being in his own house? Well, she does have this weird Daddy fetish with Edward, but even so. I obviously find my boyfriend more attractive than I find my dad, but to describe my father as “comical” compared to him would be unconscionable. Then again, I don’t hate my father.<br /><br /><br />“The words were rushed; I was dying to escape to my room.” There is no excuse for her treatment of her father. He has done nothing but be kind to her… which is probably why she hates him.<br /><br /><br />Typo page 139: "Ina hurry ?"”<br /><br /><br />“Why, oh why, did this have to be his night to pay attention?” Because tonight you’re displaying more emotional range than a teaspoon?<br /><br /><br />“I quickly scrubbed my dishes clean in the sink, and placed them upside down on a dish towel to dry.” I’m surprised we didn’t get a sentence like “I lifted my loaded fork to my mouth. I put the lasagna in my mouth and chewed it slowly. I wondered what Edward’s penis would taste like as I chewed. Like rare gemstones and Chanel no. 5, I decided. That would be delicious, while the lasagna was kind of bland. Microwaving did that. Edward would sparkle like diamonds in a microwave.”<br /><br /><br />“"None of the boys in town your type, eh?" He was suspicious, but trying to play it cool.” Oh no, he’s trying to be a good father again! Someone stop him!<br /><br /><br />Typo page 139: "<span style="font-style: italic;">He's Just</span>a friend, Dad."<br /><br /><br />“"Well, you're too good for them all, anyway. Wait till you get to college to start looking." Every father's dream, that his daughter will be out of the house before the hormones kick in.” Or maybe it’s that he thinks maybe no one has asked you out and he’s trying to be nice. He’s also offering some very sound advice, considering he married his high school sweetheart and ended up getting crushed.<br /><br /><br />“No doubt he would be listening carefully all evening, waiting for me to try to sneak out.” Why? Why do you have this idea that he’s some sort of Draconian monster father who will shoot any boy right in the face? My father is a Colonel and a former linebacker, as well as being adamant about abstinence. He’s never been even half as paranoid about boys as Bella imagines her father to be.<br /><br /><br />“See you creeping into my room tonight at midnight to check on me.” If you’re not an undead creature trying to deflower me and then eat me, stay out! Why is it creepy for her father to check on her, but flattering to have Edward breaking into her room?<br /><br /><br />“He lay, smiling hugely, across my bed, his hands behind his head, his feet dangling off the end, the picture of ease.” Edward Cullen for Fruit of the Loom.<br /><br /><br />“"I'm sorry." He pressed his lips together, trying to hide his amusement.” He’s just laughed at her twice on one page.<br /><br /><br />“Then he leaned forward and reached out with his long arms to pick me up, gripping the tops of my arms like I was a toddler.” This whole chapter is making my stomach squirm. She keeps on dissing her father’s attempts to be fatherly, and creaming her panties at Edward being fatherly. What kind of sick complex does this girl have?<br /><br /><br />“I thought about having Edward in my room, with my father in the house.” I imagine he’d be rather surprised that you snuck a boy in, but what do you think he’s going to do?<br /><br /><br />“I banged the bathroom door loudly, so Charlie wouldn't come up to bother me.” He might ask if I was okay, or want to talk more about my life. How could he!?!<br /><br /><br />“I tried not to think of Edward, sitting in my room, waiting, because then I had to start all over with the calming process.” … guess she has one of those detachable showerheads.<br /><br /><br />“I rubbed the towel through my hair again, and then yanked the brush through it quickly.” That’s terrible for the hair, you know. I’ll bet Bella has split ends like nobodies business.<br /><br /><br />“Edward hadn't moved a fraction of an inch, a carving of Adonis perched on my faded quilt.” Yeah, Adonis was beautiful, but he was also an idiot and a jerk. So… I guess it’s an accurate description.<br /><br /><br />“As if he couldn't know Charlie's mind much more clearly than I could guess.” But if he has even the slightest idea what you’re privately thinking, you flip the fuck out.<br /><br /><br />“I could no longer hear the sound of his breathing.” Why is he breathing? He’s dead.<br /><br /><br />“You’re driving me crazy," I explained.<br />He considered that briefly, and when he spoke, he sounded pleased. "Really?" A triumphant smile slowly lit his face.” Yeah… Edward’s a virgin.<br /><br /><br />“And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it… at being with you…"” Don’t get too flattered, loverboy. She has orgasms from watching you blow your nose.<br /><br /><br />“"I'm trying," he whispered, his voice pained. "If it gets to be… too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."<br />I scowled. I didn't like the talk of leaving.” Stay and murder me! Just don’t leave! Talk about your codependence.<br /><br /><br />“But his long hands formed manacles around my wrists as he spoke.” That’s only sexy if you’re into bondage play, and he’s doing this after telling her that it’s gotten a little bit easier for him not to just tear her throat out.<br /><br /><br />“He'd laughed more tonight than I'd ever heard in all the time I'd spent with him.” But he’s still laughing at you.<br /><br /><br />Here Edward goes into a long speech about his totally unreasonable jealousy. He describes feeling fury at other boys asking out a girl who he treated like garbage and more furious at the idea that she might accept. He breaks into her house for the first time, because he wants her as <span style="font-style: italic;">his</span> property. Bella isn’t a person to him, she’s a plaything. A trophy.<br /><br /><br />“Just now, when Charlie asked you about that vile Mike Newton…"” Vile Mike Newton? Last I checked, Mike hasn’t stalked a girl, threatened her, broken into her house, encouraged her to lie to her parents, and spent all his time laughing at her.<br /><br /><br />“His teeth gleamed. He drew my trapped hands around his back, holding me to his chest. I kept as still as I could, even breathing with caution.” Just reading this sentence, would you believe she was in love with this guy, or that she was scared to death of him? Fun game – pretend this is Bella’s re-write of her life with Edward after Stockholm Syndrome sets in.<br /><br /><br />“Why should I get off so easily?"” … never mind.<br /><br /><br />“I tried to pull back, to look in his face, but his hand locked <span style="font-style: italic;">my</span> wrists in an unbreakable hold.” Remember girls, this is what romance looks like!<br /><br /><br />“I could feel his cool breath on my neck, feel his nose sliding along my jaw, inhaling.” God, that’s scary.<br /><br /><br />“"You have a very floral smell, like lavender… or freesia," he noted. "It's mouthwatering."” So she smells like shampoo? What’s mouthwatering about that? Maybe if she smelled like steak or chocolate cake… Next time I see my boyfriend I’m going to take a huge whiff of his neck and inform him that he smells like cedar and it makes my mouth water. He doesn’t and it doesn’t, but hey, if it’s romantic of Edward to love the taste of plants, why not me too?<br /><br /><br />“"Yeah, it's an off day when I don't get somebody telling me how edible I smell."” Freesia isn’t edible. Nor is it very appetizing.<br /><br /><br />“I didn't want to make this any harder for him than it already was.” I’m really tempted to count the double entendres that even I can spot.<br /><br /><br />“"I'm glad you can't read my thoughts. It's bad enough that you eavesdrop on my sleeptalking."” Of course it’s perfectly okay that you read the thoughts of everyone around me. They aren’t as important as I am.<br /><br /><br />“"That's certainly a problem. But that's not what I was thinking of. It's just that you are so soft, so fragile. I have to mind my actions every moment that we're together so that I don't hurt you. I could kill you quite easily, Bella, simply by accident… "If I was too hasty… if for one second I wasn't paying enough attention, I could reach out, meaning to touch your face, and crush your skull by mistake. You don't realize how incredibly breakable you are. I can never, never afford to lose any kind of control when I'm with you."” So they’re having the sex talk on their first date. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, since sex is all they have holding them together.<br /><br /><br />“"I'm curious now, though," he said, his voice light again. "Have you ever… ?"He trailed off suggestively.” What business is it of his?<br /><br /><br />“"I know. It's just that I know other people's thoughts. I know love and lust don't always keep the same company."<br />"They do for me.” At least she’s being honest about the lust, but there’s no love here.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-84018161772393817612010-01-10T12:43:00.000-08:002010-01-10T12:46:26.983-08:00Chapter 13: Which is More Pornographic than Pornography“I couldn’t <span style="font-style: italic;">get</span> used to it, though I'd been staring at him all afternoon.” I’m beginning to think that the PDF modified all these gets…<br /><br />“His skin, white despite the faint flush from yesterday's hunting trip, literally sparkled, like thousands of tiny diamonds were embedded in the surface. He lay perfectly still in the grass, his shirt open over his sculpted, incandescent chest, his scintillating arms bare. His glistening, pale lavender lids were shut, though of course he didn't sleep. A perfect statue, carved in some unknown stone, smooth like marble, glittering like crystal.” And here it is people. Perhaps the most infamous passage in the book. Well, it’s not going to dissect itself:<br /><br />First: Regular diamonds do not sparkle. They have a sheen, but they sparkle because they are faceted when they are cut. This is why his smooth skin sparkling does not make sense. He skin should at least feel like shark skin – smooth one way, rough another.<br /><br />Second: Hello, Mr. Webster. So nice to see you again, my dear old friend.<br />in⋅can⋅des⋅cent [in-kuhn-des-uhnt] – adjective<br />1. (of light) produced by incandescence.<br />2. glowing or white with heat.<br />3. intensely bright; brilliant.<br />4. brilliant; masterly; extraordinarily lucid: an incandescent masterpiece; incandescent wit.<br />5. aglow with ardor, purpose, etc.: the incandescent vitality of youth.<br /><br />scin⋅til⋅lat⋅ing [sin-tl-ey-ting] –adjective<br />1. animated; vivacious; effervescent: a scintillating personality.<br />2. witty; brilliantly clever: a scintillating conversationalist; a play full of scintillating dialogue.<br /><br />Third: Lavender is always pale. That’s why it’s lavender and not some other shade of purple. Though how this paragraph could get more purple is beyond me. Also… why is he lying down in the sun, his shirt open and his eyes closed? It sounds like he’s there to shoot a perfume commercial, or he’s just laying it on really, really thick. She also never establishes him lying down. He gets into the meadow and the next thing you know, he’s posing for ‘Chagrin, the new fragrance by Stephenie Meyer’.<br /><br />Fourth: Is this girl really sexually attracted to statues?<br /><br /><br />“I enjoyed the sun, too, though the air wasn't quite dry enough for my taste.” God, this girl would argue with the breeze. Which… yeah. She’s doing. Nothing is ever good enough for her.<br /><br />“I would have liked to lie back, as he did, and let the sun warm my face. But I stayed curled up, my chin resting on my knees, unwilling to take my eyes off him.” She’s so hard up that she can’t bear to do what she really wants, because then she wouldn’t be staring at him. How’s that for a healthy relationship dynamic?<br /><br />“The meadow, so spectacular to me at first, paled next to his magnificence.” You have it here, folks. Edward Cullen is Jesus.<br /><br />“hesitantly, I reached out one finger and stroked the back of his shimmering hand, where it lay within my reach. I marveled again at the perfect texture, satin smooth, cool as stone.” And he sounds like a description for a sex toy, rather than a person. She’s certainly not thinking about his mind here.<br /><br />“His quick smile turned up the corners of his flawless lips.<br />"I don't scare you?" he asked playfully, but I could hear the real curiosity in his soft voice.” Even now he’s laughing at her. She’s just so sexually fascinated that she doesn’t realize it.<br /><br />“"Do you mind?" I asked, for he had closed his eyes again.<br />"No," he said without opening his eyes. "You can't imagine how that feels." He sighed.” … And this book promotes chastity. Right.<br /><br />“"Tell me what you're thinking," he whispered. I looked to see his eyes watching me, suddenly intent. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."” Again, he’s just obsessed with being inside everybody’s head. He’s a busybody. ‘Tell me what you’re thinking’ is romantic, until he adds that little addendum that it drives him crazy to not just know, especially since he sneers at every other person because of their thoughts.<br /><br />“"I don't want you to be afraid." His voice was just a soft murmur. I heard what he couldn't truthfully say, that I didn't need to be afraid, that there was nothing to fear.” She says she’s afraid of him… but… this is just getting weirdly inconsistent. She’s not afraid of him but she is afraid of him but she’s not. What?<br /><br />“"What are you afraid of, then?" he whispered intently.” Second time she’s used “intently” in two pages. Also, you’ve already told her you could kill and eat her and she’s made sure no one will ever know. So I would guess that would be what she was afraid of.<br /><br />“Sweet, delicious, the scent made my mouth water. It was unlike anything else.” … she’s talking about his breath. That’s just gross, especially since he’s got dead animal on his breath.<br /><br />“"I'm… sorry… Edward," I whispered. I knew he could hear.” She practically in tears because he ran away when she began sniffing his breath. While granted, that is really weird, that seems like an overreaction.<br /><br />“Adrenaline pulsed through my veins as the realization of danger slowly sank in. He could smell that from where he sat.” So he’s an adrenaline sucking vampire?<br /><br />“Unexpectedly, he was on his feet, bounding away, instantly out of sight, only to appear beneath the same tree as before, having circled the meadow in half a second.” You know, the physics of that boggle the mind.<br /><br />“"As if you could fight me off," he said gently.” His voice has been described as mocking and bitter throughout this scene where he is deliberately intimidating her. The gentleness seems straight out of the Abusive Boyfriend’s Handbook, to quote RiffTrax.<br /><br />“I sat without moving, more frightened of him than I had ever been.” Meta-Bella is being rather sensible, since he’s just shattered a tree branch and threatened to kill her.<br /><br />“He'd never been less human… or more beautiful.” This is where SMeyer excuses herself by saying that she’s anti-human. In reality, it’s deeply disturbing that Edward’s humanity makes him less attractive.<br /><br />“His lovely eyes seem to glow with rash excitement.” What?<br /><br />“"Don't be afraid," he murmured, his velvet voice unintentionally seductive.” I’m sure it’s totally intentional. He’s already told you that his looks are perfect for drawing her in and making her easier to eat. The only problem is, that’s a lie, because other people find him creepy and off-putting. That’s a pretty lousy predator.<br /><br />“He sat sinuously, with deliberately unhurried movements, till our faces were on the same level, just a foot apart.” The sinuous part would work much better as an adjective than an adverb.<br /><br />Wrong: He sat sinuously.<br />Right: He sat down with sinuous grace / He sat in a sinuous motion.<br /><br />“"Please forgive me," he said formally.” That’s not formal.<br /><br />“"So where were we, before I behaved so rudely?" he asked in the gentle cadences of an earlier century.” Wait, what? This makes no sense. At all. I talk like that myself, but no one calls my speech old fashioned. Also, the earlier century is the last one. He was born in 1901 and the book was written in 2003. Not that huge a difference, speech-wise.<br /><br />“I looked down at his hand and doodled aimlessly across his smooth, iridescent palm.”<br /><br />ir⋅i⋅des⋅cent [ir-i-des-uhnt] –adjective<br />1. displaying a play of lustrous colors like those of the rainbow.<br /><br />That makes no sense. Also, she’s used ‘smooth’ to describe his skin three times in this chapter alone.<br /><br />“"How easily frustrated I am," he sighed.” This comes out of left field entirely. She’s playing with his hand and he just says this. He also doesn’t really elaborate on what he means… so this is just random “old” talk.<br /><br />“"Don't be!" He withdrew his hand, more gently this time; his voice was harsher than usual. Harsh for him, still more beautiful than any human voice. It was hard to keep up — his sudden mood changes left me always a step behind, dazed.” That’s because his mood swings are abnormal. They show him to be a deeply disturbed person at the very least. Also, so you know, he’s angry at her that she’s happy that he’s too selfish to leave her alone. Time for more death threats…<br /><br />This whole scene… rather, this whole chapter is appalling. I’m not getting very far with randomly cutting and pasting lines, because they’re all equally bad, wrong, and creepy. It’s stalker-badong. Seriously, I finished reading <span style="font-style: italic;">Lady Chatterly’s Lover</span> a few days ago, and it wasn’t this dirty. I wrote a paper on libertine pornographic novels from the Restoration, with an emphasis on <span style="font-style: italic;">Fanny Hill</span>, and it wasn’t this dirty. The only thing I can safely say I’ve read that is more pornographic than this chapter is <span style="font-style: italic;">120 Days of Sodom</span>. Perhaps it’s because this is pretending to be pure and innocent, because they’re just holding hands, but this isn’t sexual tension. It’s sexual degradation. Comparing this to honest pornography or honestly sexually explicit novels is like comparing a sexually aggressive woman with a cocktease. That’s what this whole chapter is: a massive cocktease. Every syllable, every look, every touch is about sex – violent, degrading, porno sex. It’s practically rape on the page. But it’s pretending that it’s about sunshine and rainbows and cupcakes with Care Bears on them. I’m going to need a long shower after I finish this.<br /><br />“"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred-year-old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac — and filled the room with its warm aroma — how do you think he would fare then?"” Again, he tells her that the only reason he wants to stay around her is because she smells like nom. NOM NOM NOM. Also, way to get to your target audience of tweens.<br /><br />“"So what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?" I teased, trying to lighten the mood.” That… heroin isn’t really brand named, is it?<br /><br />“He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor."” So… not drinking human blood makes you break down the subtle differences and crave it more. Sounds like a really bad thing, actually. It also doesn’t make any sense.<br /><br />“"What are you asking? My permission?" My voice was sharper than I'd intended. I tried to make my tone kinder — I could guess what his honesty must cost him. "I mean, is there no hope, then?" How calmly I could discuss my own death!” So at first she’s mad that he’s basically just told her it would be like an AA member taking a small drink or a dieter eating a piece of pie for him to eat her. A minor slip-up. And yet, she can’t stay rightfully angry that he would consider murdering her and drinking her blood a minor slip-up. Anyone got a clue-by-four to whap this girl in the head with?<br /><br />“Who were you, an insignificant little girl" — he grinned suddenly — "to chase me from the place I wanted to be?” This is during his whole rant about how manfully he resisted murdering her. It’s dripping with misogyny and it’s disgusting.<br /><br />“"It was unquestionably a complication that I couldn't simply read your thoughts to know what your reaction was to me. I wasn't used to having to go to such circuitous measures, listening to your words in Jessica's mind… her mind isn't very original, and it was annoying to have to stoop to that. And then I couldn't know if you really meant what you said. It was all extremely irritating." He frowned at the memory.” Oh you poor baby.<br /><br />“But you were too interesting” Now there’s a blatant lie.<br /><br />“Common sense told me I should be terrified. Instead, I was relieved to finally understand. And I was filled with compassion for his suffering, even now, as he confessed his craving to take my life.” That’s not compassion, that’s psychosis.<br /><br />“"Esme told me to do whatever I had to in order to stay." He shook his head indulgently.” Because women are weak and silly little creatures, and they only see as far as their golden child.<br /><br />“"I'm an idiot."<br />"You are an idiot," he agreed with a laugh.” Yes, she is. And so are you.<br /><br />“Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness …” This directly contradicts what he said about being the perfect predator. If only shallow idiots like Bella are taken in by the beauty, there’s no point to it.<br /><br />“I knew at any moment it could be too much, and my life could end — so quickly that I might not even notice. And I couldn't make myself be afraid. I couldn't think of anything, except that he was touching me.” Because sexual satisfaction is more important than being alive.<br /><br />“No one could be still like Edward. He closed his eyes and became as immobile as stone, a carving under my hand.” No, a corpse under your hand. Necrophilia! You know, for kids!<br /><br />“"There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."<br />"I may understand that better than you think."<br />"I'm not used to feeling so human. Is it always like this?"” Because they’re talking about sex, but they really can’t be open about it, because they don’t know each other at all.<br /><br />“He held my hands between his. They felt so feeble in his iron strength.” And she gets off on that. I admit, I like a manly man, but I don’t like feeling powerless.<br /><br />“I placed my cheek against his stone chest. I could hear his breath, and nothing else.” Why does he breathe? He’s dead.<br /><br />“His mouth twitched up into that crooked smile so beautiful my heart nearly stopped.” This would just be purple prose, but SMeyer really believes that sexiness can make the heart stop. Which is why so many people died watching Marlon Brando take off his shirt in A Streetcar Named Desire.<br /><br />“"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."” Aw, his first pet name for her!<br /><br />“He smiled as he read my hesitation, and reached for me. My heart reacted; even though he couldn't hear my thoughts, my pulse always gave me away. He then proceeded to sling me onto his back, with very little effort on my part, besides, when in place, clamping my legs and arms so tightly around him that it would choke a normal person.” She doesn’t do what he wants instantly, so he does it for her. Nice.<br /><br />“There was no resisting the iron strength of his hands. Then he pulled me around to face him, cradling me in his arms like a small child. He held me for a moment, then carefully placed me on the springy ferns.” Standard ‘That’s disgusting’ response.<br /><br />“"Silly Bella," he chuckled. "Running is second nature tome, it's not something I have to think about."” Typo, page 132.<br /><br />“Not the way a man might hesitate before he kissed a woman, to gauge her reaction, to see how he would be received.” She explains he’s hesitating to test himself, but it seems like another power play.<br /><br />“And then his cold, marble lips pressed very softly against mine.<br />What neither of us was prepared for was my response.<br />Blood boiled under my skin, burned in my lips. My breath came in a wild gasp. My fingers knotted in his hair, clutching him to me. My lips parted as I breathed in his heady scent.<br />Immediately I felt him turn to unresponsive stone beneath my lips. His hands gently, but with irresistible force, pushed my face back. I opened my eyes and saw his guarded expression.” I told you it was pornographic. Does anyone else feel nauseated reading that?<br /><br />“His eyes were wild, his jaw clenched in acute restraint, yet he didn't lapse from his perfect articulation.” Someone got a thesaurus for Christmas! And yet, no dictionary…<br /><br />“His hands refused to let me move so much as an inch.<br />"No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment, please." His voice was polite, controlled.” Ick ick ick….<br /><br />“And I felt all the more besotted by him. It would cause me physical pain to be separated from him now.” Again, that’s not love. That’s a mental illness.<br /><br />“"Nope. Not a chance."<br />He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.<br />I started to step around him, heading for the driver's side. He might have let me pass if I hadn't wobbled slightly. Then again, he might not have. His arm created an inescapable snare around my waist.” She already told him that SHE is driving. Like he promised. First he gets shocked that she defies him, then he physically prevents her from going against his orders.<br /><br />“There was no way around it; I couldn't resist him in anything. I held the key high and dropped it, watching his hand flash like lightning to catch it soundlessly. "Take it easy — my truck is a senior citizen."<br />"Very sensible," he approved.” No, not sensible. This is sick and twisted and disgusting and gross and badwrong. This whole chapter has made me feel unclean. I’m going to go bathe.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-77498023133874723182009-12-06T17:26:00.000-08:002009-12-06T17:30:42.498-08:0012. In Which Death Threats are the Best Possible Foreplay“"We get permits early on the razz," Jacob said” Do they call reservations ‘razz’? I honestly have no idea…<br /><br />"I have to <span style="font-style: italic;">get</span> around somehow." I recognized Billy's resonant voice easily, despite the years. Pg 112, another inappropriate italicization. Also, you had completely forgotten that this guy existed, because remembering going fishing with your father and his Injun friend was too <span style="font-style: italic;">painful </span>for you to remember. It’s good to know Bella was always a self-centered little brat, though. It’s not just caused by Edward.<br /><br />“Then I stood in the door, watching anxiously as Charlie and Jacob helped Billy out of the car and into his wheelchair.” If Bella hadn’t already been established as an absolute monster of selfishness, this could be read charitably. Instead, she’s anxious that Billy is going to tell her it’s a bad idea to date a cannibalistic undead creature and might tell her dad that she’s going around with a murderer. Fun fact – you know who else thought he was only killing the bad people? Hitler.<br /><br />“Jacob scowled and ducked his head while I fought back a surge of remorse.” Liar. If you were capable of feeling remorse, you wouldn’t spend half your time jerking around his fuzzy little heart.<br /><br />“"Naw, we ate just before we came," Jacob answered.<br />"How about you, Charlie?" I called over my shoulder as I fled around the corner.<br />"Sure," he replied, his voice moving in the direction of the front room and the TV.” Wait, I thought she wasn’t supposed to call him Charlie to his face, because it hurt his feelings. This could be a signal that Charlie doesn’t really care, but since he’s been nothing but caring, this seems more like a mistake.<br /><br />“"So, how are things?" Jacob asked.<br />"Pretty good." I smiled. His enthusiasm was hard to resist. "How about you? Did you finish your car?" Wait, what? What enthusiasm? This isn’t even good telling, not showing, because we aren’t told he’s enthusiastic until this moment, and he shows no signs of particular enthusiasm at all during this scene.<br /><br />“"I think Charlie chewed him out pretty good last time. They haven't spoken much since — tonight is sort of a reunion, I think. I don't think he'd bring it up again."” I think this is more establishing that white people are more reasonable than Native Americans. Billy Black <span style="font-style: italic;">knows</span> what the Cullens are, and is suspicious of them. Charlie only sees Carlisle being a nice ol’ doc, and thinks they’re just so wonderful that he got into a screaming fight with his best friend over how wonderful they are. Maybe this whole family is just unnaturally attracted to the sparklepires… it would explain why laid-back Charlie would form such a strong opinion of how salt of the earth Carlisle is, and why the whole family must then be good. Also… we were told nothing of a coolness between Billy and Charlie. They were fishing together in the beginning of the book.<br /><br />“pretending to watch the game while Jacob chattered at me. I was really listening to the men's conversation, watching for any sign that Billy was about to rat me out, trying to think of ways to stop him if he began.” I understand she’s worried, but she’s such a disrespectful little puke that I want to smack her.<br /><br />“"Are you and your friends coming back to the beach soon?" Jacob asked as he pushed his father over the lip of the threshold.” ??? What does that even mean?<br /><br />“"You take care, Bella," he added seriously.<br />"Thanks," I muttered, looking away.” GAW. How could he like <span style="font-style: italic;">act </span>like I might need to take some care? Just because my boyfriend has told me that he wants to eat me.<br /><br />“"Um… Mike Newton," I told him reluctantly.” Why is she so reluctant? Every time she tells him about one of her “friends”, he makes a positive comment about their family and goes along. Maybe she wanted to pretend that Mike’s family was a baby-eating Neo-Nazi group, so she could feel better about shunning him.<br /><br />“I hurried so I would be ready to go the second Charlie left. I had my bag ready, shoes on, teeth brushed, but even though I rushed to the door as soon as I was sure Charlie would be out of sight, Edward was faster. He was waiting in his shiny car, window down, engine off.” Why are they sneaking around? WHY?! It makes no logical sense! Charlie thinks the Cullens are the nicest people in town! He got into an argument with his best friend over just how super-wonderful they are! So why in the names of all the gods that have ever been named are these two little brats playing out their “forbidden” fantasy as if it’s actually legitimate?<br /><br />“He grinned his crooked smile at me, stopping my breath and my heart. I couldn't imagine how an angel could be any more glorious.” So… anyone else realize that there is no actual description of Edward? He’s pale, red haired, golden eyed, and has lean muscles and a crooked mouth. Nothing else. He’s just OMG BYOOTIFUL THOUGH!!!<br /><br />“There was nothing about him that could be improved upon.” How about his personality?<br /><br />“"How did you sleep?" he asked. I wondered if he had any idea how appealing his voice was.<br />"Fine. How was your night?"<br />"Pleasant." His smile was amused; I felt like I was missing an inside joke.” Good God. That is all kinds of levels of creepy.<br /><br />“"Can I ask what you did?" I asked.<br />"No." He grinned. "Today is still <span style="font-style: italic;">mine</span>."” The day is always yours, Sparkle-pants. She got to ask about five questions, you get to spend two days asking every single random thought that comes into your head, and when she dares to protest, you get mad and sulk.<br /><br />“embarrassing me when he asked about boys I'd dated. I was relieved that I'd never really dated anyone, so that particular conversation couldn't last long.” You know, you don’t have to answer any of his questions. The only question he’s really entitled to ask you about your previous romantic history is whether you have any venereal diseases.<br /><br />“"So you never met anyone you wanted?" he asked in a serious tone that made me wonder what he was thinking about.<br />I was grudgingly honest. "Not in Phoenix."” Why wonder what he’s thinking about? He’s just found another way to control you.<br /><br />“His lips pressed together into a hard line.” It makes me so mad that you like me! How dare you!?<br /><br />“"That’s okay, it's not that far of a walk."<br />He frowned at me impatiently. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."” You know, I would be really uncomfortable with that. My boyfriend has driven my car without me in it, but we’ve been dating for a long time, and he doesn’t drive like Batman on his way to foil the Joker. Also, Edward just keeps on showing how unreasonable he is, by making a simple day much more complicated because he has to have her totally in his control for an extra 10 minutes a day.<br /><br />“"I don't have my key with me," I sighed. "I really don't mind walking." What I minded was losing my time with him.” I weep for her. This poor deluded little fool.<br /><br />“"All right," I agreed, pursing my lips. I was pretty sure my key was in the pocket of a pair of jeans I wore Wednesday, under a pile of clothes in the laundry room. Even if he broke into my house, or whatever he was planning, he'd never find it. He seemed to feel the challenge in my consent. He smirked, overconfident.” She seems quite okay with the idea of him breaking into her house. I wonder why her dad doesn’t have Brint or something.<br /><br />“I refused to be convinced to fear him, no matter how real the danger might be. <span style="font-style: italic;">It doesn't matter</span>, I repeated in my head.” You idiot. OF COURSE THE DANGER MATTERS! HE WANTS TO KILL YOU!<br /><br />“"What time will I see you tomorrow?" I asked, already depressed by the thought of him leaving now.” Wow, co-dependent much?<br /><br />“His voice turned sharp. "And if you don't come home, what will he think?"<br />"I have no idea," I answered coolly. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."” He has just threatened to kill you again. How insane does one have to be to answer that with a stupid joke?<br /><br />“He scowled at me and I scowled back. His anger was much more impressive than mine.” She’s even fascinated by his anger. Which will make it that much easier for him to become a woman-beating lout. Or, you know, to kill her, <span style="font-style: italic;">which he just admitted that he was very likely to do</span>.<br /><br />“He seemed bemused by my casual reference to his secret realities.” That is a terrible line. Nothing special, I just wanted to call all my reader’s attention to the fact that this line is awful.<br /><br />“They sat staring off in different directions, exactly the same as the first time I'd seen them.” *snerk* I just got a mental image of all of them facing different directions with fish-stares. No wonder no one wants to talk to the Cullens.<br /><br />“"They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."<br />I grimaced. "Neither do I, for that matter."” How I wish that was a Meta-Bella line, instead of a low self-esteem line.<br /><br />“"I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you… you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."” First off, no you really don’t. Edward knows nothing about humans. At all. Second off, she only takes him by surprise because he isn’t in her head 100% of the time. If I knew what was going to happen right before it happened, I would think people were predictable too. But he doesn’t know people’s patterns because he knows human nature – he knows because he’s a mind-reader. I think SMeyer was going for a Charles Xavier thing, except Professor X does have a terrific grasp of human nature.<br /><br />“I felt his eyes on my face but I couldn't look at him yet, afraid he might read the chagrin in my eyes.” YOU ARE NOT CHAGRINED!<br /><br />“I looked back at Edward — and I knew he could see the confusion and fear that widened my eyes.” So she is capable of being afraid of people who want to kill her… if she doesn’t want to do them.<br /><br />“I realized slowly that his words should frighten me. I waited for that fear to come, but all I could seem to feel was an ache for his pain.” This is supposed to show that they have a real loving love, but instead, it just makes her look stupid.<br /><br />“her short, inky hair in a halo of spiky disarray around her exquisite, elfin face” That is terrible description. It’s more flowery than a funeral and a wedding being held in the same place.<br /><br />“Her slight frame was willowy” *eye roll* Was it also slender?<br /><br />“"Safe in Forks — what a challenge."<br />"For you it is a challenge." His jaw hardened. "Promise."” DO WHAT I SAY WEAK WOMAN THING!<br /><br />“And Edward was worried about the time we'd spent together publicly… if things went wrong. I refused to dwell on the last thought, concentrating instead on making things safer for him.” So instead, you’re going to try to throw suspicion of your murder around a little bit so that he has plenty of time to get away. That’s sweet of you.<br /><br />“My decision was made, made before I'd ever consciously chosen, and I was committed to seeing it through. Because there was nothing more terrifying to me, more excruciating, than the thought of turning away from him. It was an impossibility.” No, it’s not. You’re just a weak-willed baby who is easily swayed by a pretty face and a bad attitude.<br /><br />“The lies came more naturally than usual, I noted with surprise.” There’s a good lesson for young girls. Lie! It gets easier the more you do it!<br /><br />“"You know, you could come to the dance with our group anyway — that would be cool. We'd all dance with you," he promised.<br />The mental image of Jessica's face made my tone sharper than necessary.<br />"I'm <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> going to the dance, Mike, okay?"<br />"Fine." He sulked again. "I was just offering."” My God, this girl is an ungrateful bitch. Mike is being really, really nice. He thinks she doesn’t want to go because she wouldn’t be able to dance with people, so he says that she can come with the group and everyone will dance. I don’t see him actually sulking, but being rather hurt that she’s getting all snappish with him when he just offered to do something nice.<br /><br />“The sound of the truck roaring to life frightened me. I laughed at myself.” Chicks, huh?<br /><br />“Following the same instinct that had prompted me to lie to Mike, I called Jessica on the pretense of wishing her luck at the dance. When she offered the same wish for my day with Edward, I told her about the cancellation.” Got to give him that alibi so my murder is never solved, or better yet, thrown upon an innocent bystander! I hope they get the chair!<br /><br />“She was more disappointed than really necessary for a third-party observer to be.” Maybe she’s just being sympathetic that this guy that you really, really like has suddenly flaked on you, and is sad that her instincts about Edward being a no-good-nik were accurate.<br /><br />“I felt so guilty for deceiving him that I almost took Edward's advice and told him where I would be. Almost.” Aw, Dad, I hope they don’t accuse <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> of my murder.<br /><br />“He wants me to be safe, I told myself again and again. I would just hold on to the faith that, in the end, that desire would win out over the others. And what was my other choice — to cut him out of my life? Intolerable. Besides, since I'd come to Forks, it really seemed like my life was about him.<br />But a tiny voice in the back of my mind worried, wondering if it would hurt very much… if it ended badly.” This clinches it. Bella is insane, and would probably be one of those women who marries serial killers in prison because only she understands him. She would have fit in very well with the Manson family, if only Charles were more handsome.<br /><br /><br />“I knew I was far too stressed to sleep, so I did something I'd never done before. I deliberately took unnecessary cold medicine — the kind that knocked me out for a good eight hours. I normally wouldn't condone that type of behavior in myself, but tomorrow would be complicated enough without me being loopy from sleep deprivation on top of everything else. While I waited for the drugs to kick in, I dried my clean hair till it was impeccably straight, and fussed over what I would wear tomorrow.” O.O So this book also condones drug use, if it’s for an important reason, like looking really pretty the next day. Thank God Bella is naturally skinny, otherwise we might get ‘I threw up dinner’ or ‘I didn’t eat for three days’.<br /><br />“I woke early, having slept soundly and dreamlessly thanks to my gratuitous drug use.” And she just keeps hammering away that it was totally okay for her to take drugs in a manner inconsistent with their directions.<br /><br />“He wasn't smiling at first — his face was somber.” Good morning, Bella. I’ve come to kill you. Do you mind if we drive to the coast, so I can throw your corpse into the sea?<br /><br />“"Good morning," he chuckled.<br />"What's wrong?" I glanced down to make sure I hadn't forgotten anything important, like shoes, or pants.” So she knows that he only laughs <span style="font-style: italic;">at</span> people.<br /><br />“"We match." He laughed again.” I have an uncomfortable feeling that he did that on purpose while she was sleeping her drugged sleep.<br /><br />“I laughed with him, hiding a secret twinge of regret — why did he have to look like a runway model when I couldn't?” It’s all about looks.<br /><br />“He waited by the passenger door with a martyred expression that was easy to understand.” No, it’s really not. You’ve never been shown as anything but a good driver, so why is it such a sacrifice? It’s just because he can’t control your movements.<br /><br />“"We're hiking?" Thank goodness I'd worn tennis shoes.<br />"Is that a problem?" He sounded as if he'd expected as much.” Because Bella’s no good unless she’s being carried around like a child.<br /><br />“We drove in silence for a while as I contemplated the coming horror.” Bella is a whining baby, blah blah, you know the rest.<br /><br />“"What are you thinking?" he asked impatiently after a few moments.” I can’t stand five seconds of silence!<br /><br />“"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" He seemed cheered by the idea.<br />"No, I told her you canceled on me — which is true."<br />"No one knows you're with me?" Angrily, now.” Well, for once he has a bit of a right to be angry… except the whole forcing his presence on her when he should have the cojones to stay away.<br /><br />“"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" he demanded when I ignored him.<br />"You said it might cause trouble for you… us being together publicly," I reminded him.<br />"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause me — <span style="font-style: italic;">if you</span> don't come <span style="font-style: italic;">home</span>?" His voice was still angry, and bitingly sarcastic.” I haven’t threatened to murder you enough times this morning! Really, Edward is the only person in this book more selfish than Bella. Also, the italics are really weird there.<br /><br />“We were silent for the rest of the drive. I could feel the waves of infuriated disapproval rolling off of him, and I could think of nothing to say.” He has no right to disapprove. If he wanted, he could call anyone and tell them where you are, because I can’t imagine that he doesn’t have a cell phone. But instead, he’s mad that he might actually have to make a conscious decision <span style="font-style: italic;">not</span> to murder her (trust me, I have a lot of sympathy for that urge), instead of just not murdering her because someone would be sure to know it was him.<br /><br />“afraid because he was angry with me and I didn't have driving as an excuse not to look at him.” You should never be afraid of your SO.<br /><br />“"I won't let you get lost." He turned then, with a mocking smile, and I stifled a gasp.” Edward appears half-naked in front of her, so that she’d follow him to the ends of the earth, because she is the most sexually frustrated girl alive.<br /><br />“It wasn't as hard as I had feared.” Nothing ever is.<br /><br />“I tried to keep my eyes away from his perfection as much as possible, but I slipped often. Each time, his beauty pierced me through with sadness.” If Edward knew as much about human nature as he claims, he would know that all girls feel ugly at some points. There isn’t a girl alive who is 100% secure in her appearance all the time, and standing next to a nearly shirtless supermodel probably doesn’t help.<br /><br />“He asked about my birthdays, my grade school teachers, my childhood pets — and I had to admit that after killing three fish in a row, I'd given up on the whole institution. He laughed at that, louder than I was used to — bell-like echoes bouncing back to us from the empty woods.” The death of helpless animals is funny! Also, why her grade school teachers? WHY? It makes no sense.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-16708004248723462462009-09-01T16:43:00.000-07:002009-09-01T16:56:33.920-07:00Chapter 11: Wherein Bella Must Make Her Own Drama to Get Any<p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><br />“And then, as the room went black, I was suddenly hyperaware that Edward was sitting less than an inch from me.” Like, OMG! I guess this is good in that teenage girls really do get awkward when their crushes are sitting really close to them, but since her devotion to Edward borders on the slavish, this seems sort of creepy.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“A crazy impulse to reach over and touch him, to stroke his perfect face just once in the darkness, nearly overwhelmed me.” Why is it crazy? He said about two hours ago that you two are dating. Are you afraid that he’ll eat your hand? If so, here’s Meta-Bella being her sensible self again.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I crossed my arms tightly across my chest, my hands balling into fists.” If I didn’t do this, I would have both hands and possibly my textbook in my panties.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I was losing my mind.” … Too easy.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“The opening credits began, lighting the room by a token amount.” A token amount? I guess it’s sort of correct, since it can mean small, but this just sounds so incredibly awkward in the context of room lighting. You pay a token amount, you don’t light it. By the way, I’ve just quoted over a whole sequential paragraph of bad lines.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He grinned back, his eyes somehow managing to smolder, even in the dark.” The sexy grinning smolder? Who is this kid, Fabio?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I looked away before I could start hyperventilating.” … and here, yet again, she perfectly describes mental illness. The last time a man made me hyperventilate, it was because he had previously threatened me with grievous bodily harm, and I was alone in the same room with him. Which is Bella’s situation too, when you think about it, but instead of making her frightened, it’s making her horny. Fun challenge for those of you playing the home game: Diagnose Bella!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“It was absolutely ridiculous that I should feel dizzy.” So, what mental illness attracts one strongly to danger, causes obsession that actually crosses the line into physical illness, and yet leaves the subject rational enough to realize that all is not right in the state of <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">Denmark</st1:place></st1:country-region>? Appearance of Meta-Bella… again, for those playing the home game, around now is when you should take a shot.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“The overpowering craving to touch him also refused to fade, and I crushed my fists safely against my ribs until my fingers were aching with the effort.” He’s already said he’s your boyfriend. Why are you so afraid to touch him? Beyond that you have suddenly grown a brain and realized that you are a hors d'oeuvre to him.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Edward chuckled beside me.” It’s funny when you hurt yourself! Seriously, we do not have one instance of his laugh where he is not laughing at someone. Great sense of humor, my cat’s fluffy white butt.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“His voice was dark and his eyes were cautious.” He’s just so gol darn [i]mysterious[/i], ain’t he?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I stood with care, worried my balance might have been affected by the strange new intensity between us.” Any new diagnoses?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“His face startled me — his expression was torn, almost pained, and so fiercely beautiful that the ache to touch him flared as strong as before.” If I leave you alone for thirty seconds, you will surely be decapitated by a piece of loose leaf. I hate not carrying you around on my back like a baby.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I drifted to the locker room, changing in a trancelike state, only vaguely aware that there were other people surrounding me.” And Edward has roofies in his fingertips. Of course.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Mercifully, some vestiges of Mike's chivalry still survived; he came to stand beside me.” Um, why wouldn’t they survive? He’s been shown as nothing but a really nice guy, who may be interested romantically, but is willing to be a friend. THE HORROR!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Sometimes it was so easy to like Mike.” And the rest of the time he was a hateful little worm, because he’s only human-attractive.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You and Cullen, huh?" he asked, his tone rebellious.” Rebellious? Princess Speshul Snowflake Alert! First Lauren was insolent and now Mike is rebellious? Also, this makes no sense in it’s abruptness. Here we are, having a good time and now ‘OH YOU WHORISH WHORE!’. Quoi?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I don't like it," he muttered anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"You don't have to," I snapped.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"He looks at you like… like you're something to eat," he continued, ignoring me.”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Oh GAWD. Here’s this stupid [i]mundane[/i] trying to tell me my new squishybuns doesn’t seem right. Obviously, it’s jealousy. This would be funnier if every person I know who had gotten involved with an abuser hadn’t have done exactly the same thing. We weren’t concerned because there was something [i]wrong[/i] with their partner, we were [i]jealous[/i]!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I dressed quickly, something stronger than butterflies battering recklessly against the walls of my stomach, my argument with Mike already a distant memory. I was wondering if Edward would be waiting, or if I should meet him at his car.” Hum-de-dum, my friend just told me my new cuddly-poo was shooting me raep faces and he was worried for me. I wonder whether I should wear panties on our next date, or if I should go ahead and take some date rape drugs first.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Was I supposed to know that they knew that I knew, or not?” Que?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“His eyes slid back to mine, still tight. "<st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Newton</st1:City></st1:place>'s getting on my nerves."” It’s not that I don’t trust you, baby, but I just don’t want anything else with testicles ever looking at you.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You weren't listening again?" I was horror-struck. All traces of my sudden good humor vanished.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"How's your head?" he asked innocently.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"You're unbelievable!" I turned, stomping away in the general direction of the parking lot, though I hadn't ruled out walking at this point.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"You were the one who mentioned how I'd never seen you in Gym — it made me<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">curious." He didn't sound repentant, so I ignored him.” Go, Meta-Bella! And kick him in the sparkly nuts for good measure! <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Maybe… if you mean it. </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">And </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">if you promise not to do it again," I insisted.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">His eyes were suddenly shrewd. "How about if I mean it, </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">and </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">I agree to let you drive Saturday?" he countered my conditions.” I can’t promise not to spy on you every second of your life, but you can drive once in awhile. At least if I say so.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I considered, and decided it was probably the best offer I would get. "Deal," I agreed.” And Meta-Bella disappears under a mountain of hormonal stupidity. The best offer you should get is exactly what you asked – your privacy is not something to be bargained with. This is like ‘Well, I won’t promise I won’t hit you again, but I’ll give you a big cookie this time!’<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Then I'm very sorry I upset you."” Oh, thank you [i]soooo[/i] much. He’s not at all sorry that he’s completely invading her privacy, he’s just toying with her because she’s so darn cute when she’s upset.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“His smile was condescending now.” Is it ever not?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“It was easier to ride with him if I only looked when it was over.” He just loves me so much that he doesn’t mind that I almost have a heart attack every time he drives me somewhere.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Did I frighten you?" Yes, there was definitely humor there.” Scaring the shit out of the human I claim to love makes me larf. Har har sparkle.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“It wasn't until my head started to swim that I realized I wasn't breathing.” SOOPER HYPNOTISM!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I opened the door, and the arctic draft that burst into the car helped clear my head.” Wait, what month is it again? It was warm enough a week or so ago (maybe two weeks?) to go to the beach and fall asleep in the backyard, but now it’s freezing cold again, because SMeyer’s time sense sucks.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I smiled as I walked to the house. It was clear he was planning to see me tomorrow, if nothing else.” He just told you a minute ago that nothing in the world would be easier than eating you, then stopped your breath with his eyes. And now you’re going all gooey because he’s going to see you tomorrow? Someone please apply a clue-by-four to this girl’s thick head.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“It thrilled with the same electricity that had charged the afternoon, and I tossed and turned restlessly, waking often.” Oh boy, a description of Bella’s wet dreams.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I pulled on my brown turtleneck and the inescapable jeans, sighing as I daydreamed of spaghetti straps and shorts.” Oh boo hoo hoo. Buy some khakis, you big baby.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"That was the plan." I grimaced, wishing he hadn't brought it up so I wouldn't have to compose careful half-truths.” At this rate, he won’t have to organize a statewide hunt for my remains! How dare he?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I'm not going to the dance, Dad." I glared.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"Didn't anyone ask you?" he asked, trying to hide his concern by focusing on rinsing the plate.” Good God, why does this ungrateful little bitch treat her father so badly? He’s worried about her fitting in, and he’s upset to think she’s not going to the dance because no one asked. All he’s ever shown doing is being thoughtful of her and she acts like he beats her with a rawhide whip.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I sympathized with him.” No, you didn’t, because after this “so mature” little insight, you go back to treating him like garbage.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“When I heard the cruiser pull away, I could only wait a few seconds before I had to peek out of my window. The silver car was already there, waiting in Charlie's spot on the driveway.” You know, a lie by omission is still a lie, and this book is promoting dangerous behavior as being “romantic”. Guess what, girls? If a guy had said with all sincerity that he would like to eat your sweet, sweet flesh and drink your blood, then tells you you’re going out on Saturday for a “date” and don’t tell your parents, it’s a bad idea to do as he says.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I never wanted it to end.” Too bad in the real world, it would end with you dead in a ditch.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"How are you today?" His eyes roamed over my face, as if his question was something more than simple courtesy.” As if he didn’t know, considering that he spent last night camping out in her bedroom, and the whole morning listening to her father’s thoughts.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Neither could I," he teased as he started the engine.” Wait a minute – his “deal” for her forgiving his unforgivable breaches of her privacy was that she could drive. Will that ever be mentioned again?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I was sure the roar of my truck would scare me, whenever I got to drive it again.” Because women are frail, helpless little things… and when is she going to drive again?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"So what did you do last night?" I asked.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">He chuckled. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."” See, without prior knowledge, we could assume that this is one instance of Edward not laughing <i style="">at</i> her. Since we already know he spent last night rifling through her possessions, he’s definitely laughing at her again.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He snorted, dropping his serious expression. "Brown?" he asked skeptically.” Gawd, here I thought you would say ‘Edward’ is your favorite color. Jesus Christ with a great axe, is this guy ever not a total douche?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Sure. Brown is warm. I </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">miss </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown — tree trunks, rocks, dirt — is all covered up with squashy green stuff here," I complained.<o:p></o:p><br />He seemed fascinated by my little rant.” I would be too, because it’s clearly the ramblings of a diseased mind.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Debussy to this?" He raised an eyebrow.<o:p></o:p><br />It was the same CD.” What CD? She mentions the CD and then we don’t find out what it is. I’m going to pretend that it’s Type O Negative’s <i style="">Bloody Kisses. </i>Why? Because we already know Bella is a pretentious twat, and having her getting pretentious over goth rock amuses me. Also, now I have to wonder if Edward stole that from her, or just bought exact copies of everything she owns.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“While he walked me to English, when he met me after Spanish, all through the lunch hour, he questioned me relentlessly about every insignificant detail of my existence.” That’s not romance. That’s sick. No one even reasonably sane would want to know <i style="">everything</i> about their squishy-buns.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Movies I'd liked and hated, the few places I'd been and the many places I wanted to go, and books — endlessly books.” But she’ll never tell us what books. That’s the thing… we’re told Bella is a huge reader, but we’ve seen her reading twice, and once she was reading geocities sites on vampires. She never references books, ever. I do not know a single reader who only references books they’ve read by their titles. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He'd been flinging questions at me with such speed that I felt like I was taking one of those psychiatric tests where you answer with the first word that comes to mind.” And where were you on the night of January the 12<sup>th</sup>? Were you in anyway involved with the murder of the English language? You can continue to deny it, but we have ways of making you talk. Seriously, guys, interrogations =/= sexy.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Tell me," he finally commanded after persuasion failed” And when commanding and persuading fail, what then? Hitting?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I worried it would provoke the strange anger that flared whenever I slipped and revealed too clearly how obsessed I was.” So… she’s already scared of his rages.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <br /> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I sighed in relief, and continued with the psychoanalysis.” Psychoanalysis? He’d be psychoanalyzing if he was going in depth with anything, but instead, this seems to be a collection of random neural firings. There is nothing “deep” or “mysterious”, or any real knowledge to be gained by knowing all of her likes and dislikes, unless he thinks that by knowing that she prefers lilies to carnations, she’s more devoted to her virginity and not maternal. I have no idea if she does, and that’s one of those deceptive surface readings that a manipulator like Edward could easily make.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I didn't look at him, afraid that if he was looking at me, it would only make self-control that much harder.” Oh, I see, the darkness makes you think of fucking him!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Somewhere, in a corner of my mind, I felt bad about that. But I couldn't concentrate on him.” After all, he’s just a mundane and I can’t spare feelings for him acting the gentleman in comparison to my panty-melting sociopath.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“The pressure made me more clumsy than usual, but eventually I made it out the door, feeling the same release when I saw him standing there, a wide smile automatically spreading across my face.” One raise of those eyebrows, and I experience spontaneous orgasm.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">This next section could have added some weight to her future sacrifice. She loves the sun, and to be with Edward, she would have to give it up. Except by that point, he’s got such a stranglehold over her that she doesn’t care.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Charlie!" I suddenly recalled his existence, and sighed.” Damn my stupid father for being alive!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"It’s twilight," Edward murmured, looking at the western horizon, obscured as it was with clouds.” *eye-roll*<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"<o:p></o:p><br />"Certainly not!" His face was teasingly outraged. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"” So… he’s just being controlling again. He calls all the shots, and she obeys. Also, we were just told they had this epic conversation, but we saw no interaction at all. He just grilled her about likes and dislikes, and only interjected to ask another question or tell her to keep going. I think the thing that strikes me the most about Edward and Bella is how unaccountably boring they both are. They don’t care about or like anything, really.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He glanced at me for a brief second. "Another complication," he said glumly.<o:p></o:p><br />He flung the door open in one swift movement, and then moved, almost cringed, swiftly away from me.” Um… what?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Charlie's around the corner," he warned, staring through the downpour at the other vehicle.” You know, I think this is more their desperate desire for disapproval, so they can feel like they’re doing something illicit. Charlie praised the Cullens in the highest terms possible, and sneered at anyone who wouldn’t think they were just the salt of the earth as jealous and close-minded. So… wouldn’t he be thrilled that his daughter is getting close to this young man he thinks so highly of?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <br /> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“His expression was a strange mix of frustration and defiance.” … Oh, my aching adjectives!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“And the surprisingly familiar eyes, black eyes that seemed at the same time both too young and too ancient for the broad face they were set in.” I’ll bet a single tear also courses down from those eyes when he sees pollution.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <br /> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Could he really believe the impossible legends his son had scoffed at?<o:p></o:p> The answer was clear in Billy's eyes. Yes. Yes, he could.” Geez, now someone is going to tell me I shouldn’t date an undead sucker of human blood. MY LIFE IS SO HARD!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></p>jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-20674611537913128222009-07-05T19:44:00.000-07:002009-07-05T19:45:53.817-07:00Chapter 10: Violent Mood Swings and Stalking Mean ‘I Love You’ in Vampire<p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“It was very hard, in the morning, to argue with the part of me that was sure last night was a dream.” Wow… and people praise SMeyer for her amazing turn of phrase…<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><span style=""> </span>“Logic wasn't on my side, or common sense.” You got that right, sister.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“The mist was ice cold where it clung to the exposed skin on my face and neck.” And we continue with the extremely foggy timeline. It’s winter but it’s also spring, but wait! It’s winter again!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“It was such a thick fog that I was a few feet down the driveway before I realized there was a car in it: a silver car.” Because almost causing an accident and scaring the shit out of a girl is fun!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I didn't see where he came from, but suddenly he was there, pulling the door open for me.” Him opening the door for you suggests that you were expecting him, not that he popped out of the mist like the Phantom of the Opera and told you to get out of your car.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He was really giving me a choice — I was free to refuse, and part of him hoped for that.” No need to sound so surprised.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“It was a colossal tribute to his face that it kept my eyes away from his body.” -_-<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I pulled the jacket onto my lap, pushing my arms through the too-long sleeves, curious to see if the scent could possibly be as good as I remembered. It was better.” But what does it smell like? We don’t really get good descriptions of anything except for clothes. His smell is “heavenly”, but what does it smell like? I still maintain that he smells like iodine (treating all the split bruises) and roses (I’m so sorry, baby, I didn’t mean to).<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Aren't you?" he contradicted in a voice so low I wasn't sure if he meant for me to hear.” Because women are weak and delicate things that need to be driven everywhere (women can’t drive) and need men to provide them with jackets, lest they catch la grippe. This is one of those things that makes the fangirls melt, but is actually very creepy. It’s sweet for a guy to give a girl his jacket because he notices she’s cold, but quite another for a guy to bring a girl a jacket and tell her to wear it because he thinks she should be cold. Remember all those times your mother felt a chill and told you to go put on a sweater? Same concept.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“We drove through the fog-shrouded streets, always too fast, feeling awkward.” Edward still doesn’t care that his too-fast driving scares her. He knows best, after all.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"No, that's the problem. You take everything so coolly — it's unnatural. It makes me wonder what you're really thinking."” That’s because Bella has no higher thought processes. All she can think about is how gorgeous Edward is and whether his penis is as cold as the rest of him. Bella is incurious, and therefore, stupid. She’s curious enough to try to find out what Edward is, but she has no curiosity as to what that entails.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You don't want to hear it," I mumbled, almost whispered. As soon as the words were out, I regretted them. The pain in my voice was very faint; I could only hope he hadn't noticed it.” What pain? The only thoughts you don’t tell him are the ones where you want to ride that sparkly ass like Seabiscuit.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He didn't respond, and I wondered if I had ruined the mood.” Because it’s always your fault.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Like I said, it's ostentatious. We </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">try </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">to blend in."” No, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t be driving your big shiny car, you would be wearing normal clothes, and you would talk to people.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“My heart spluttered hyperactively.” Are you sure it didn’t splutter softly or delicately or slowly?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Three people walking in the door stopped to stare at me.” Has SMeyer ever actually been to a small town? High schools have a lot of gossip, yeah, but Bella and her doings being the be-all, end-all of Forks High social life makes no sense.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“agonized over whether Edward would really be listening to what I said through the medium of Jess's thoughts. How very inconvenient his little talent could be” The fact that he does not respect anyone’s privacy makes him such a naughty <i style="">scamp!<o:p></o:p></i></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><i style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></i></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I reluctantly went to sit by her, trying to convince myself it would be better to get it over with as soon as possible.” Gawd, I hate it when people try to talk to me and stuff and actually show interest in my life.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Typo, page 97: "He offered to drive me to <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Seattle</st1:City></st1:place> Saturday because he thinks [b]toy[/b] truck isn't up to it — does that count?" MY truck, not toy truck.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him," I admitted.” I doubt that’s what she was talking about when she said he was intimidating and scary.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Oh well. He </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">is </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">unbelievably gorgeous." Jessica shrugged as if this excused any flaws. Which, in her book, it probably did.” You hypocritical bitch. Name one thing about Edward that is good besides his looks.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“She didn't get a chance to start on the subject again during class, and as soon as the bell rang, I took evasive action.” Poor poor Bella. People trying to be her friend and such.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“But outside the door to our Spanish class, leaning against the wall — looking more like a Greek god than anyone had a right to — Edward was waiting for me.” Bad sentence structure! BAD! No cookie!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“His voice was amused and irritated at the same time. He had been listening, it was obvious.” I really couldn’t care less that he eavesdrops on me and pries into my friend’s minds. It’s pretty sexy how he always has to keep tabs on me.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He stepped up to the counter and filled a tray with food.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"What are you doing?" I objected. "You're not getting all that for me?"” Good God, he’s even in control of what she <i style="">eats</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I did once… on a dare," I admitted. "It wasn't so bad."<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">He laughed. "I suppose I'm not surprised."” Because you have about as much spine as a jellyfish and will do anything any other person tells you.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Typo page 99: "I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. You know what they say about <span style="font-weight: bold;">eavesdropners</span>," I reminded him.” Though good point.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You did," he agreed, but his voice was still rough. "You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking — everything. I just wish… that you wouldn't be thinking some things."” I hate it when you think things I don’t want you to think!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Yes, you are going to answer, or yes, you really think that?" He was irritated again.” I’m so annoyed that my hot and cold running manipulations have not convinced you totally of my undying love!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“As I searched for the words, I could see him getting impatient; frustrated by my silence, he started to scowl.” The fact that it angers me when you take a whole minute to answer my questions obviously proves that I love you more!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“That was the best I could sum up the sensation of anguish that his words triggered in me at times.” Oh God. Read some Emily Dickinson, you overdramatizing nitwit. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I'll admit you're dead-on about the bad things," he chuckled blackly, "but you didn't hear what every human male in this school was thinking on your first day."” PRINCESS SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE ALERT!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I don't believe it…" I mumbled to myself.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"Trust me just this once — you are the opposite of ordinary."” Considering that her description of how plain she is was given in terms of glowing beauty…<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I care the most, because if I can do it" —" I wasn’t aware that love was a competition.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“— "if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe."” Suicide is romantic!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I glared. "And you don't think I would do the same?"” Really, really romantic! We’ve talked a grand total of seven times, and already we would kill ourselves for the other.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Abruptly, his unpredictable mood shifted again; a mischievous, devastating smile rearranged his features. "Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presence."” Oh, that’s not creepy at all.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“That idea would definitely get me in trouble.” Trouble? He’s not your father.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Typo page 101: "Do you really need to go to <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Seattle</st1:City></st1:place> this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to [i]</span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">get[/i] </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">out of saying no to all your admirers?" Once again with the improper italics.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me — I just really wanted to watch your face," he chuckled,” Every single time Edward is mentioned laughing, he’s laughing [i]<i style="">at[/i]</i> someone.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"That wouldn't be a problem." He was very confident. "It's all in the leading." He could see that I was about to protest, and he cut me off.” O_O There should be a siren going off in her head right about now.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Can I drive?"<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">He frowned. "Why?"” Why would weak woman thing want to drive? Cars are for big manly men to drive.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"With Charlie, less is always more." I was definite about that.” Why? He’s been an ideal father. Or do you just want to make sure he has to take a long time to search for your body?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Again, he was leaving the choice up to me.” No, he’s not. This is something called ‘the illusion of choice’. He gave you no choice about <st1:city st="on">Seattle</st1:City>, and now he’s giving you no choice about not <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Seattle</st1:place></st1:City>. He knows that you would slice your own head off if he told you to.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I know," he sighed, brooding. "You should tell Charlie, though."<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"Why in the world would I do that?"<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">His eyes were suddenly fierce. "To give me some small incentive to bring you back."<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">I gulped. But, after a moment of thought, I was sure. "I think I'll take my chances."<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">He exhaled angrily, and looked away.” Date rape/death threats are so sexy!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <br /> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Typo page 102: “I looked away swiftly, back to him, and <st1:place st="on">I.</st1:place> asked the first thing that came to mind.”<br /> <!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br /> <!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He raised an eyebrow and the corners of his mouth turned down in disapproval.” How dare you ask me questions!?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting. We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators — ranging as far away as we need.” SMeyer’s research fail yet again. <st1:country-region st="on"><st1:place st="on">America</st1:place></st1:country-region> is definitely not running a surfeit of predators.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Oh, we have weapons." He flashed his bright teeth in a brief, threatening smile.” I just like to remind you that I want to eat you like a cheeseburger.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“The thick bands of muscle that wrapped his arms and torso were somehow even more menacing now.” Oh, now you get it.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Absolutely not!" His face turned even whiter than usual, and his eyes were suddenly furious. I leaned back, stunned and — though I'd never admit it to him — frightened by his reaction.” There’s that sexy violent temper again!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><br /></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Too scary for me?" I asked when I could control my voice again.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"If that were it, I would take you out tonight," he said, his voice cutting.” I know what’s best for you, and scaring is what’s best for you!<o:p></o:p></span></p>jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-89463186365842868672009-06-24T21:20:00.000-07:002009-06-24T21:22:28.451-07:00<p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Chapter 9: Love is Psychotic<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," I grumbled.” Again establishing that Bella is a petulant child and Edward is a big, strong grown-up. Also, I know he has super-senses and such, but other drivers don’t. I know it would scare the hell out of me to see a giant silver Volvo bearing down on me at Warp Speed, only to swerve aside at the last moment before collision. How many heart attacks has Edward caused by driving like the Fast and the Fabulous?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Fine, then. I followed your scent." He looked at the road, giving me time to compose my face. I couldn't think of an acceptable response to that, but I filed it carefully away for future study. I tried to refocus. I wasn't ready to let him be finished, now that he was finally explaining things.” I admit it. My jaw dropped a little in sheer awe that a paragraph that awkward made it past an editor… though my sojourn into Twilight hell has convinced me that there never was an editor. Or if there was… Good God, can you imagine what this looked like before? This guy has just admitted to her that he tracked her like some sort of demented bloodhound, and instead of thinking “How can he smell me? Why am I in the car with a nut who thinks he can follow me by my scent? This whole thing reminds me of that guy in <i style="">Silence of the Lambs</i> who Lecter got to kill himself because he said he could smell Clarice’s lady bits…” she starts thinking “Oh, GAWD! He’s so dreamy! I hope he answers all of my questions, most of which would revolve around his penis if I weren’t in a book written by a Mormon housewife!”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">This whole scene is just… Edward is an asshole. I understand he’s keeping a whoo-scary secret, but he forces himself into this chick’s life, and when she displays the bare minimum amount of curiosity to suggest that she has a functioning brain, he gets all snippy with her. What kind of mind-reader is he that he thinks he can just save people from car smashing, track them by scent, read minds, and drive like a lunatic without ever having an accident or getting pulled over and then expects them not to be in the least bit curious as to how he pulls off these amazing feats? I guess Edward is also pretty gosh darn stupid, or just monstrously unobservant.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Most of the time I tune it all out — it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">normal" </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">— he frowned as he said the word — "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words." Red card! Improper use of separating dashes!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He looked at me, his eyes enigmatic.” *facepalm* You know, I’m only one page into this chapter. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" The words bothered me more than they should — probably because his speculation hit home. I'd always suspected as much, and it embarrassed me to have it confirmed.” Wait, what? Bella’s so convinced that she’s hot shit, why is she insecure all of a sudden? The only person she hasn’t made her superiority over abundantly clear is Edward.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Also, SMeyer is very inconsistent. When Edward finishes speaking, his sentences should end with a comma and a lower case ‘he’. About ¾ of the time, you get a period followed by a capitalized ‘He’, as if Edward were Jesus. Then you get it done properly. Once again, EDIT FAIL!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" he reminded me softly.” Except when <i style="">I </i>want to be evasive!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Relax, Bella." He rolled his eyes, still not slowing.” Yeah, there’s a real winner of a guy. She just made it abundantly clear that he’s scaring the shit out of her, and his response is to roll his eyes and say he always drives that way. “Stop being such a big baby, I <i style="">always </i>chain my girlfriends to a wall in the basement and whip them!”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Probably," he agreed with a short, hard laugh. "But you can't."” After her comment that he could walk away from a horrific car crash. Way to remind her that she’s a weak, delicate flower.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I hate driving slow," he muttered.<o:p></o:p><br />"This is slow?"<o:p></o:p><br />"Enough commentary on my driving," he snapped.” YIKES! He’s driving over 100 miles an hour, scaring her, messing with her built-in compulsion to follow traffic laws, and then whines like a child when doing the “gracious” thing and slowing down a bit, followed by him getting mad when she asks him for the slight favor of <i style="">not scaring the shit out of her</i>. If Bella was at all intelligent, she would run away NOW. He likes scaring her and he whines when he doesn’t get his way, then gets mad. Perfect guy, my ass.<o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He looked down at me, his honey eyes unexpectedly gentle.” My moods turn on a dime, but I’m a delight! Really!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I edited all my scheming out of the story” Can’t let Eddie know what a manipulative bitch I am!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">And SMeyer is still doing the incorrectly punctuated sentences. <o:p></o:p></span><br /><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Correct:</span><br /><o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I just came from the store,” I/he/she said.<o:p></o:p></span><br /><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Incorrect:</span><o:p></o:p></span><br /><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I just came from the store.” I/He/She said.<o:p></o:p><br />Are we clear? Dandy.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I'd like to have seen that." He chuckled darkly. "And you accused me of dazzling people — poor Jacob Black."” It’s so funny when you break other boy’s hearts. It makes me larf.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"No," I said softly. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."” Just keep being a very pretty asshole! Don’t change a thing, especially not the scaring me and yelling at me and the whining and the breaking into my house and the calling me stupid and laughing at me.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“A hard, mocking edge entered his voice. "You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">human </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">!" Oh, Eddie-kins, you are a monster, but not the kind you think.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“The golden eyes held mine, and I lost my train of thought.” Gawd, how am I expected to <i style="">think </i>when there’s a pair of pretty eyes not watching the road?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"This is a mistake?" I heard the sadness in my voice, but I didn't know if he could as well.” How stupid can you get?! He just told you he <i style="">drinks human blood! You may be Princess Speshul Snowflake, but you’re still a human! </i><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“His words hinted at an end, and I recoiled from the idea. I couldn't waste one minute I had with him.” Not until he eats me, anyway.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Tell me more," I asked desperately, not caring what he said, just so I could hear his voice again.” Bella needs to have an orgasm. I don’t care how crude that sounds, but she does, preferably by herself without fantasies of Edward. But we know she never reaches sexual self-discovery, because her happiness is 100% dependent on being glued to Edward.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people," I suggested, my voice still tinged with desperation. I realized my eyes were wet, and I fought against the grief that was trying to overpower me.” It’s probably just SMeyer’s rotten turn of phrase, but it sounds like she’s getting weepy that he might not think she’s tasty enough to eat.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Typo page 89: “But it <i style="">keens</i> us strong enough to resist.” I think you mean “keeps”.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He chuckled. "You are observant, aren't you?"” No, she’s really not, or she would remember the names of the characters in her “favorite” book and she would notice that you throw up red flags like a state highway project.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I didn't answer; I just listened to the sound of his laugh, committing it to memory.” I guess she’s taking that learn to masturbate advice….<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you.” Oh, this is just textbook. “Baby, I need to keep you close to me because you get hurt when I don’t tell you what to do. I’m not being <span style="font-style: italic;">controlling</span>, I’m<i style=""> protecting</i> you.”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Then why weren't any of you in school?" I was frustrated, almost angry as I thought of how much disappointment I had suffered because of his absence.” Dammit, if I can’t obsess over you, what can I do? Be an intelligent, independent human being?<o:p><br /></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved." He turned his anguished eyes to the road, his words flowing almost too fast for me to understand. "I don't want to hear that you feel that way." His voice was low but urgent. His words cut me. "It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella — please, grasp that."” Oh. My. God. Edward can read minds, so he knows that every woman and quite a few men who so much as glance at him instantly want to jump his pallid, undead bones. He continues forcing himself into Bella’s life, then just barely pulling back with “Oh, aren’t I mysterious and tortured?”, which is a guaranteed panty-melter for most women. And he’s <i style="">surprised</i> that she’s as obsessed with him as he is with her?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"No." I tried very hard not to look like a sulky child.<o:p></o:p><br />"I'm serious," he growled.<o:p></o:p><br />"So am I. I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."<o:p></o:p><br />His voice whipped out, low and harsh. "Never say that."” SMeyer shows her true colors again: Bella is always the unreasonable one, Edward is always right. And his little displays of temper are sexy.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Are you crying?" He sounded appalled.” That often happens when guys yell at girls for no reason, especially girls they’ve led on mercilessly.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You were going to fight them?" This upset him.” The weak woman thing show a hint of backbone!? We can’t have that! I’ll bet women who carry guns make Edward Cullen’s penis cry.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I pulled his jacket off, taking one last whiff.” He smells like iodine and roses.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“It was the same exquisite scent that clung to his jacket, but in a more concentrated form.” *vomit* He pulls her in, blows in her face like she’s a dog he’s trying to tease, and she gets all swoony.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I thought I heard him chuckle, but the sound was too quiet for me to be certain.” You can be certain that no matter what, Edward will laugh at you.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You made it home?" Her voice was relieved… and surprised.” I was actually calling to tell your Dad I thought you had been kidnapped, because a creepy guy from school was acting really, really controlling towards you. After all, despite you treating me like Bitchy McHateful, I’m an ideal friend.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">And over the rest of the page, Bella describes a psychotic breakdown. Seriously, her movements, feelings, and sensations are all familiar to the day that I realized my eating disorder was absolutely out of control and that I was enslaved to it. It was the worst moment of my life, and I felt exactly like that, the hot and cold, the ache, the shivers, the nagging fear for my life mixed with apathy for the danger I knew I was in…<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.” </span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">That is not love. That is psychosis. Get yourself some help.</span><o:p></o:p></span></p>jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-24109567714800583552009-05-18T16:38:00.001-07:002009-05-18T16:45:28.340-07:00Not from book 1<span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;font-size:100%;" >This is from another entry on twilightsucks.com, but proof that "imprinting" is explicitly sexual. For those who don't know, </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;font-family:Benguiat Bk BT;font-size:100%;" >SMeyer has her werewolves "imprint" - when they see their soulmate, they become obsessed with her</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;font-size:100%;" ><span style="font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;font-size:12;" >.</span></span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;font-family:Benguiat Bk BT;font-size:100%;" >One falls for a girl who rejects him (he's her cousin's fiance), so he brutalizes her and she accepts. One guy falls for the girl who adored him, but who he never gave the time of day. And two imprint on children: a two-year-old and an infant</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;font-family:Benguiat Bk BT;font-size:100%;" >. The ones who fall in love with children become constant fixtures in those little girl's lives, with the expectation of one day having a sexual relationship with them</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;font-size:100%;" >, </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 128, 192);font-family:Benguiat Bk BT;font-size:100%;" ><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">While SMeyer says, 'Oh, they're just big brothers.... until the girls are old enough!' Imprinting is explicitly sexual because SMeyer is an awful writer. She tells us it's not sexual, but shows very plainly that it is. Proof that imprinting is sexual, even on the babies:</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"He'll just have to be patient for a few decades." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Eclipse</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 121. Why would he have to be patient if he just wanted to be her big brother? He can be big brother her entire life.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"And then, when she's grown up, they'll be as happy as Emily and Sam." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Eclipse</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 121. How can that be if Quil (and everyone else) does not expect a sexual relationship? Jacob says that it isn't romantic, but it obviously is, because he's waiting on her to grow up, so they can be "as happy as Sam and Emily". (Sam is the one who ripped Emily's face off, causing her to realize she loves him)</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"But why wouldn't she choose him, in the end?" </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Eclipse</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 121. Jacob does not understand that obsession is not necessarily reciprocated. Also, no matter how much he states to the contrary, he is expecting this to become a sexual relationship. He is not expecting Quil to simply worship the object of his affections to the end of his days, like he should if imprinting is not sexual. But because it is, Quil is just waiting for Claire to get old enough before telling her that he wants to hit that good.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">“Cwaire pway wid Qwil aaaawl day. Cwaire nebber gowin home.” </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 97. If that doesn't set off your creep alarm...</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"No matter what stage they were in—about to tie the knot like Sam or just a much-abused nanny like Quil—the peace and certainty they always radiated was downright puke-inducing." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 97. Quil is certain that Claire will choose him when he decides to make his move. The idea that she might say no never occurs to him.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"You never saw a real parent so jazzed to play whatever stupid kiddie sport their rugrat could think up." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 98. Because Quil has to be perfect, or Claire won't sleep with him.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"Though I did think it sucked that he had a good fourteen years of monkitude ahead of him until Claire was his age—for Quil, at least, it was a good thing werewolves didn’t get older." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 98. The monkitude. Jacob knows that this is sexual, no matter how much he pretends otherwise. Monks are celibate. Jacob says Quil is going to wait to end his celibacy until Claire's 17 or so.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"He was worse than any paranoid, overprotective mother." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 99. Because no mother is waiting for her child to grow old enough to have sex with.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"His hands flew up to touch Claire, as if making sure she was still there." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 99. CREEEEEEEPY!</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"I tugged lightly against his hold on Renesmee, and he just stepped closer to me." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn,</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;"> page 289. Jacob just can't let go of his sex object.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"Staring at her like… like he was a blind man seeing the sun for the very first time." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 289. But no, that's not sexual, especially not for a grown man looking at an infant.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">“You stupid mutt! How could you? My baby!” </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 289. Why would Bella be so upset if she didn't know perfectly well it was sexual? If he was just going to be big brother to her little monster, why would she care?</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">“I can share,” he said pleadingly as he retreated across the lawn." </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 290. Generous of him, considering that he's talking to the baby's mother.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"“You think you’ll be part of my family as my son-in-law!”" </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 290. Because there's no way he's not going to marry her someday.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"“You’re going to stay away from her,” I hissed up at Jacob.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">“I can’t do that!”" </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 290. Proof that imprinting is about the imprinter, not the imprintee. He only cares about being around her, not what she or her family wants.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"“He was watching Nessie sleep, his mouth hanging open like the moron he is," </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 315. He is sexually fascinated by this infant.</span><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">"“I’m not going to think about that for approximately six and a half more years.”</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Edward laughed and then sighed. “Of course, it looks like he’ll have some competition to worry about when the time comes.” </span><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">Breaking Dawn</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: georgia;">, page 474. Yes, because letting your best friend bang your daughter is so much better at 7 than at 6 months. But still, they're admiring Jacob's restraint in not banging her until she looks grown up.</span><br /><br /><br /><br /></span>jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-25121650191617328652009-05-04T17:45:00.000-07:002009-05-04T17:46:58.224-07:00Chapter 8: Wangst material without any wangst“We listened to whiny rock songs while Jessica jabbered on about the boys we hung out with.” Bella continues to prove herself to be a very bad friend. She said one sentence ago that she got a rush from the whole ‘Girl’s Night’ thing, but now she’s classifying Jessica’s conversation as ‘jabbering’.<br /><br />“"People ask you out here," she reminded me, "and you tell them no." So someone has noticed that Bella has some major contradictions going on. She was never noticed in her old town, but now she’s the town darling.<br /><br />“"Tyler told everyone he's taking you to prom," Jessica informed me with suspicious eyes.” This doesn’t make any sense given the context of the scene. Why would Jessica think that Bella is going to the prom with Tyler when she’s just pointed out that Bella turns down every guy who asks her out? That’s just lazy writing.<br /><br />“"He said <span style="font-style: italic;">what</span> ?" I sounded like I was choking.” Bad writing- what’s wrong with ‘“He said <span style="font-style: italic;">what</span>?” I choked out’?<br /><br />“The girls'-night high was wearing off in the wake of my annoyance at Tyler, leaving room for the gloom to move back in.” What high? You’ve been a sad sack the entire trip, like always. It really makes no sense why anyone would like Bella – that girl could out-mope Eeyore.<br /><br />Typo, page 74: a pair of pinkstrappy heels<br /><br />Angela has answered “quietly” twice in two pages. Do you think she’s quiet?<br /><br />“I was beginning to really like Angela.” Bella now has three classes of people she likes: really rude, really easily used, and really quiet, so she doesn’t have to actually have conversations. Human interaction is so overrated anyway.<br /><br />“they didn't know how preoccupied I could get when surrounded by books;” I have a hard time believing this. Bella is rarely mentioned reading and does not seem to get anything out of reading.<br /><br />“I decided that was one conversation I could skip. There had to be a normal bookstore in town.” I’m so judgmental it hurts sometimes.<br /><br />“I was wrestling with despair.” Back to being Big Ole Miss Sad Sack. I don’t believe Bella has ever experienced a negative emotion deeper than mild chagrin, which is why she categorizes all her minor emotions as gigantic, life-ending things.<br /><br />“But a small, frightened voice in the back of my mind warned me that they might be something worse than thieves.” Honestly, this just seems like yet another thing to confirm that Bella is the speshulest most beautiful girl in the world. She can’t even walk around a town without people attempting to rape her.<br /><br />“I was sure to trip and go sprawling if I tried to go any faster.” Adoraklutz strikes! Seriously, does Bella have a major inner ear problem that makes her so clumsy? The clumsiest people I know don’t fall down every five minutes like she claims to do.<br /><br />“"Get in," a furious voice commanded.” “Furious” What right does he have to be furious? Especially since I get the feeling that that fury is going to be directed at her, not the potential rapists.<br /><br />“"Put on your seat belt," he commanded,” Who the hell does he think he is, giving orders like that?<br /><br />“blowing through several stop signs without a pause.” Dude, you’re in a car, and even if you weren’t, you could rip those guys to pieces. Why are you endangering innocent lives?<br /><br />“until it occurred to me that his expression was murderously angry.” If he was angry at the rapists, this would be kind of sweet. But if he’s angry at her, it’s as if almost getting raped was her fault. You never can be too sure with Edward.<br /><br />“"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down," he clarified,” The word “prattle” is very telling… it establishes that he doesn’t really think what she says is important or valuable.<br /><br />Typo, page 78: he think <span style="font-style: italic;">sprom</span><br /><br />“Edward's voice was low, but full of authority.” Spank me, Daddy-man!<br /><br />“She bit her lip, trying to figure out from my expression whether that was what I wanted.” Again, Jessica is being an ideal friend. She may talk too much, but her heart is totally in the right place. But of course, SMeyer ret-cons her into Queen Bitch.<br /><br />“Obviously, there would be no further discussion.” Why does she let him boss her around like this? If I had just had a traumatic experience like a gang-rape attempt, the last thing I would want to do would be to eat. I’d be a quivering, crying mass, not grinning and winking and docilely following orders. Bella has no imagination and no depth to not realize that a horrible thing just happened.<br /><br />“"Do I dazzle <span style="font-style: italic;">you</span> ?"” *snerk* Maybe it’s because I’m a big fan of the X-men, but that line makes me think of Edward in a silver jumpsuit and roller skates.<br /><br />“she assured him with another unnecessary smile.” I’ve worked as a waitress. We’re supposed to smile at customers. What are these girls supposed to do, glower at Mr. Sparklepants?<br /><br />“"Drink," he ordered.” He never suggests, does he? It’s always a direct order. Living with him would be like living with R. Lee Ermey.<br /><br />“I sipped at my soda obediently,” Maybe she’s just a natural submissive?<br /><br />“He was removing a light beige leather jacket now; underneath he wore an ivory turtleneck sweater. It fit him snugly, emphasizing how muscular his chest was.” More *snerk*. His clothes are ridiculously camp, and people who are dead white can not wear white.<br /><br />“"That color blue looks lovely with your skin,"” Wait, what? What blue?<br /><br />Typo page 81: “She sat them down.” It should be “set”.<br /><br />“"Only you could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know." Bella Sue needs some wangst, or people might think she gets everything too easily. Of course, nothing happened, so it’s the best of both worlds.<br /><br />“I wondered if it should bother me that he was following me; instead I felt a strange surge of pleasure.” Meta-Bella almost realizes again that he’s a creep.<br /><br />“I felt a spasm of fear at his words,” Abusive action alert – he just threatened her with death.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-60032928745857027202009-04-13T20:49:00.000-07:002009-04-13T20:50:14.922-07:00Chapter 7: Perhaps the only appropriately named chapter I’d make a comment on why can’t Bella enjoy a basketball game, but Adoraklutz totally hates all sports for a reason beyond that sports aren’t “feminine”.<br /><br />“desperate now to find the sun.” And here goes Smeyer, beating away with the symbolism stick. Edward is the sun. Every thing else is blackness and darkness. Geddit?<br /><br />“In his place was a large red-brown wolf with black eyes.” Because Native Americans are just like wolves. More clumsy foreshadowing.<br /><br />“Fishing again.” I don’t know why she assumes this… he is the Chief of Police. Then again, she doesn’t seem in the least bit interested in his comings and goings.<br /><br />The following is 208 words that do nothing to advance the plot. I get it- dial-up is slow. I remember from my own days using dial-up. But this scene has the same dramatic pacing as bridge construction, to quote Dave Barry.<br /><br />Another typo, page 64: Throughout the vast shadowy world of ghosts and demons there is no figure so terrible, no figure so dreaded and abhorred, yet dight with such fearful fascination,<br /><br />Well, she actually gets the myth of the Danag correct… which is surprising, given how she completely screws up the much more important mythology of the Quileute.<br /><br />And she’s back to making things up. While the myth of the “Charitable Witch Doctor” (the actual translation of Stregoni benefici [why is only the first word italicized?]) isn’t too bad, it makes no sense that it would be applied to a vampire. It seems more like something that fought against vampires would be classified as something else- see Abraham van Helsing.<br /><br />“I decided that most of the blame belonged on the doorstep of the town of Forks — and the entire sodden Olympic Peninsula, for that matter.” Yes, that’s the only reason anyone in the world looks up vampires. God forbid she have an interest in something.<br /><br />“My sense of direction was hopeless; I could get lost in much less helpful surroundings.” I’m kind of torn on this. On one hand, it makes Bella into a totally helpless female yet again. On the other, I also have a terrible sense of direction. I guess I’ll take this as another token attempt at making her flawed.<br /><br />“There were many I didn't know, and others I couldn't be sure about because they were so covered in green parasites.” Parasites? What on God’s green earth is she talking about? Moss? Or leaves? Also, I doubt that Bella is the kind of good Junior Chipmunk who can identify different trees by their bark.<br /><br />Typos again, page 66: And the way be [paragraph break] sometimes spoke.<br /><br />“with unfamiliar cadences and phrases that better fit the style of a turn-of-the-century novel than that of a twenty-first-century classroom.” There’s no evidence of this. His inflections may sound old-fashioned, but his speech definitely does not. The only “turn-of-the-century phrase” I can think of would be that he called her “absurd” instead of “stupid”.<br /><br />Also, minor quibble, but she was talking about the collective traits of the Cullens, then switches to Edward in particular, then continues with the collective traits of the Cullens without specifying which is just him and which are all of them.<br /><br />“Something outside the possibility of rational justification was taking place in front of my incredulous eyes.” This just sounds… fake. Like she wrote down: “I couldn’t believe what was happening- the ridiculous things playing out in front of my own eyes”, then shook her head, decided it wasn’t pretentious enough, and re-wrote it.<br /><br />Just wanted to mention the abuse of dashes. She could have used commas about six times, but used giant dashes instead.<br /><br />“I was gripped in a sudden agony of despair as I considered that alternative.” *tuts* Oh, Meta-Bella, where have you gone? Edward has been nothing but bad news to you. Why would it be agony to dose him with his own medicine? Why are you so weak?<br /><br />“After all, if he was something… sinister, he'd done nothing to hurt me so far.” There should be an ‘even’ before the ‘if’. Otherwise it makes no sense grammatically.<br /><br />“I didn't know if there ever was a choice, really. I was already in too deep.” This is clichéd as well as being totally untrue. She can easily walk away and tell Edward to get stuffed. She won’t, though, because she sees his obnoxious, disrespectful behavior hides a fluffy frightened bunny rabbit of a man… except it doesn’t.<br /><br />“Sometimes the relief was tainted by despair, like my decision to come to Forks.” It’s been almost 3 pages since I’ve reminded you readers that Forks sucks big time.<br /><br />“I opened the window — surprised when it opened silently, without sticking, not having opened it in who knows how many years — and sucked in the relatively dry air.” Foreshadowing that Edward has been most creepily stalking her, and being such an abysmal excuse for a man that he would put the woman he loves in mortal danger for his own gratification.<br /><br />Typo page 68: “watching the dust moats stirring in the sunlight that streamed in<br />the back window.” Do they have little castles too?<br /><br />“With a sigh, I folded it over my arm and stepped out into the brightest light I'd seen in months.” Can anyone figure out this timeline? She arrives in Forks on a Saturday or maybe a Sunday. She starts school on Monday, meets Edward, he disappears. By Friday (mentioned on page 19) she recognizes the people at school. The La Push trip- that first Friday - is two weeks away. Edward returns on a Monday or a Tuesday after her first weekend in Forks. According to this chapter, she went to the beach the day before yesterday. She has been there for three weeks… and the weather has gone from perma-chill that requires a parka to tropical rainforest. What time of year is this supposed to be?<br /><br />I heard someone call, and it sounded like Mike. I looked around to realize that the school had become populated while I'd been sitting there, absentminded.” I’m not verbose, I’m just overly wordy.<br /><br />“Everyone was in t-shirts, some even in shorts though the temperature couldn't be over sixty.” And yet, two weeks ago, there was a foot of snow on the ground.<br /><br />“He was so delighted to see me, I couldn't help but feel gratified.” Yeah, I totally believe he’s a huge jerk who’s just trying to get into Bella’s pants. Why is it that SMeyer has to ret-con everyone into worse than Edward?<br /><br />“His tone was just a bit too proprietary.” Holy Thesaurus Abuse, Batman! Also, why does she go all melty when Edward talks to her like property?<br /><br />“"Whether Shakespeare's treatment of the female characters is misogynistic."” So she does know that such a thing exists.<br /><br />“I was far too lost in my own frenzy of anticipation to notice much of what she said.” Bella = Worst. Friend. Ever.<br /><br />“I shambled along behind Jessica, not bothering to pretend to listen anymore.” If I can’t ogle pretty people, your chatter is worth nothing. I don’t care if this hurts your feelings.<br /><br />“Angela asked a few quiet questions about the Macbeth paper, which I answered as naturally as I could while spiraling downward in misery.” Um… Edward disappeared from school for an entire week. It’s not like this is unusual behavior, and it’s certainly not healthy that you get so totally fixated on seeing someone who is unfailingly rude and demeaning towards you that your entire emotional equilibrium is thrown.<br /><br />“In Gym, we had a lecture on the rules of badminton, the next torture they had lined up for me.” Yes, Princess, it’s all about you. Your teachers had a conference and said ‘How can we make Princess Special Snowflake miserable?’. Badminton they decided.<br /><br />“Never mind that the day after they would arm me with a racket before unleashing me on the rest of the class.” Wow, she’s really not listening. At worst, there will be one other person on the court with her for her to whack with the racket. She makes it sound like she’s going to run amuck, beating everyone with the racket before she’s finally taken down by tranquilizers, rather than she’ll just swing wildly and fall down. That would be far more entertaining, actually.<br /><br />“I was glad to leave campus, so I would be free to pout and mope before I went out tonight with Jessica and company.” Oh, you’re aware that you’re behaving like a two-year-old?<br /><br />Establishing her mother as a clinging twit. Although, why couldn’t Bella just communicate with her mother from time to time. This is an extra sore spot with me, as I don’t have a mother to communicate with… and Bella claims her mother is her “best friend”. Then again, considering Bella ignores her “best friends” or thinks snarky thoughts on how ugly they are, I guess it’s par for the course.<br /><br />Typo, page 71: only to remember after I began three that the hero of the story happened to be named Edward.<br /><br />“I snapped the book shut, annoyed, and rolled over onto my back.” I have a hard time believing she gets anything out of reading, if she forgets the names of the lead characters of her “favorite” novels. That definitely points to a major lack of reading comprehension. Then again, the fact that she thinks her and Edward’s relationship mirrors Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy’s also speaks to a major lack of reading comprehension…<br /><br />“I looked around, muddled, with the sudden feeling that I wasn't alone.” Now that I’ve spent hours staring at you napping in your backyard, I’ll be back tonight to continue the watching game.<br /><br />“And it felt good, despite my depression, to make him happy.” You’re not depressed, you overdramatizing brat.<br /><br />“I sighed as I gave him the details.” God, there he goes again. Wanting to know about the people I spend time with, as if he were my actual father.<br /><br />“"I don't know how you survived," I muttered,” I hate being reminded that one of my parents isn’t an overgrown infant.<br /><br />“I vowed to myself that I would be in a good mood tonight and not ruin Angela's or Jessica's enjoyment in the dress hunting.” Bella makes an effort to be a good friend. That wasn’t so bad, was it?<br /><br />“I left a note for Charlie on the table, explaining again where to find dinner,” Again, I hate being reminded that one of my parents isn’t totally dependent on me. Having real adults around makes me look as immature as I really am.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-39827485041255391672009-03-14T20:49:00.000-07:002009-03-14T20:50:16.126-07:00Chapter 6: Heap Big Chief WolfMan Provides Pale-Face Squaw With-um Heap Big Backstory. Ug.“it more than lived up to my non-expectations.” No real comment- that’s a terrible sentence.<br /><br />“I guessed she'd been hoping to hear something that would make a good story for her to pass on.” You know, Jessica has been characterized as nothing but nice, so I don’t know where Bella gets off assuming she’s this uber-gossipy bitch. Of course, she’s not pretty, so she can’t be a good person.<br /><br />“And I couldn't stop the gloom that engulfed me as I realized I didn't know how long I would have to wait before I saw him again.” More establishing that this is an unhealthy obsession based only on looks. *sigh* I wish she’d get a new schtick- I’m only getting so much to work with.<br /><br />“At my usual table, everyone was full of our plans for the next day.” Bad grammar, and contradictory, because you’ve done nothing but whine about how you really don’t want to go, but you’ll suck it up and deal because you have nothing better to do/couldn’t think of an excuse not to hang out with those losers.<br /><br />“But it was warmer today — almost sixty.” Wow, Stephenie Meyer said she didn’t do any research, and it’s really showing. It’s been three weeks according to the narrative, and it was the middle of winter when this started. Only not, because everything was still lush and verdant, but it was, because there was a huge snow. I’m trying my damndest to figure out when the story starts, and the only thing that would make even a lick of sense is that it begins in April and the snow was late, but everyone seemed to expect it and so it takes place during winter! It’s Fawining! All the seasons but summer, because everyone knows the Pacific Northwest doesn’t have a summer.<br /><br />“Maybe the outing wouldn't be completely miserable.” Maybe you could try not to be a bionic bitch for a minute.<br /><br />“I'd never noticed what an unpleasant, nasal voice she had,” Because everyone who doesn’t adore Bella is ugly in some way.<br /><br />“I wondered if he would approve of my plan to ride to Seattle with Edward Cullen. Not that I was going to tell him.” Good life lesson for the little girls reading this series. Daddy doesn’t need to know about your dangerous boyfriend, it’ll just worry the poor soul. When the guy who makes you feel creeped out and physically forces you into car kills you and dumps your body in the woods, Daddoo will figure it out eventually.<br /><br />There’s some generic surprise at seeing the sun. I know it’s rainy up there, but it can’t possibly be that rainy.<br /><br />“hoping I wouldn't get caught in the lie. But also wishing that a miracle would occur, and Edward would appear.” Bad grammar again. You know, I tutor English, and one of my students asked me if reading this book would help her with her development. I told her no- she’s already having trouble, she doesn’t need to learn large words used incorrectly and she doesn’t need any more bad grammar habits. I’m sure once I get my license, I’ll have a bevy of girls who learned their SAT words from ‘Twilight’… and thus learned the wrong way of using them.<br /><br />“He smiled blissfully. It was so easy to make Mike happy.” And that’s a total turn-off. Who wants a guy who likes me for me and enjoys life?<br /><br />“I hid my chagrin.” First use of the dreaded word. From the dictionary: –noun 1. a feeling of vexation, marked by disappointment or humiliation.<br />It is not interchangeable with ‘embarrassment’. Thesaurus raep fail.<br /><br />“It was still breathtaking.” Last week you were complaining that it wasn’t a proper beach and was stupid and ugly and you didn’t want to go. Either Bella has a split personality, or the most violent case of SAD ever recorded.<br /><br />Okay, I have to give Stephenie Meyer some props here. She described a picture of the beach more than adequately. She doesn’t give a good sense of being there at all, but you can tell that she’s seen some lovely pictures.<br /><br />“It reminded me of Edward's request — that I not fall into the ocean.” Everything reminds me of Edward. I’m going to deny myself a pleasure because Edward wouldn’t approve.<br /><br />“Lauren was the one who made my decision for me.” But because I’m a spineless little coward, instead of confronting the girl who’s being a bitch for no reason, I’m going to skulk off and let her gossip about me in peace.<br /><br /><br />“I was completely absorbed, except for one small part of my mind that wondered what Edward was doing now, and trying to imagine what he would be saying if he were here with me.” *sigh* I’m sooooo obsessed with him that every time I blow my nose, the tissue reminds me of Edward’s perfect skin.<br /><br />“I knew exactly what caused the difference, and it disturbed me.” Meta-Bella, I weep for you. You have to share a body with a ridiculously shallow, self-absorbed brat who becomes obsessed with the first pretty face she sees. It must be hard for you.<br /><br />“However, my positive opinion of his looks was damaged by the first words out of his mouth.” At least she acknowledges that she judges a person as someone she’ll like or dislike based on their looks. Of course, she’s such a brat that she’ll dislike someone for trying to introduce themselves to her- why can’t he tell that she’s Princess Special Snowflake?<br /><br />“Of course, I'd kicked up enough tantrums to end the fishing trips by the time I was eleven.” You say that like you’re proud of it. I guess being forced to hang out with Indians is icky.<br /><br />Typo page 58: "I was so <strong>relived</strong> when Charlie bought it”<br /><br />“Lauren asked — in what I imagined was an insolent tone — from across the fire.” Insolent? Seriously,<i> insolent</i>?! Does Smeyer even know what that means? I assume not, unless she’s trying to further underline that Bella is Princess Special Snowflake.<br /><br />“I hoped that young Jacob was as yet inexperienced around girls, so that he wouldn't see through my sure-<strong>tobe</strong>-pitiful attempts at flirting.” Typo, page 59. Also, good establishing that Bella is going to be the world’s biggest bitch to Jacob and is going to jerk his poor fuzzy heart around just so she can be close to Edward.<br /><br />Okay, this scene is actually pretty well-written, but Bella is being a truly nasty person, and she doesn’t seem to realize it.<br /><br />“Jacob strolled to a nearby driftwood tree that had its roots sticking out like the attenuated legs of a huge, pale spider.” Shame on the person who gave Smeyer a thesaurus without a dictionary.<br /><br />“I asked, not faking my intrigue now.” And again. ‘Intrigue’ is technically correct, but it reads badly.<br /><br />“If they would promise to stay off our lands, we wouldn't expose them to the pale-faces." And me-um Heap Big Chief-um tribeman. Ug.<br /><br />“I felt guilty as I said this, knowing that I'd used him. But I really did like Jacob. He was someone I could easily be friends with.” At least she knows that she’s used him. Then again, that seems to a pre-requisite to be friends with her- easily used.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-4243633447128757522009-02-11T10:40:00.000-08:002009-02-11T10:43:37.508-08:00Chapter 5: Unpredictable and Violent Means Sexy<p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"Thank you for joining us, Miss Swan," Mr. Mason said in a disparaging tone.” Disparaging just sounds really odd there. It’s like she used the thesaurus on ‘sarcastic’, and just went with the biggest word that came up. Then again, ‘disparaging’ and ‘sarcastic’ don’t really mean the same thing- that’s a sarcastic statement, not a disparaging one.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“But he and Eric both met me at the door as usual, so I figured I wasn't totally unforgiven.” How’s that for not being verbose? ‘I figured they were at least beginning to forgive me’ sounds a lot better.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“That seemed more probable than that I really appealed to him on any level.” I am so totally bowled over by his looks that it doesn’t matter that I’m supposed to be smart. Why would he like a smart girl, when he could have a hot one? Oh wait, there aren’t any pretty girls at this school, which is why the boys made a mad rush on Bella. Because she’s a BYOOTIFUL SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE!!!<o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“Jessica babbled on and on about her dance plans — Lauren and Angela had asked the other boys and they were all going together — completely unaware of my inattention.” God, why does this girl think I <i style="">care</i> about her stupid plans? I want to drool over Edward some more! Stop trying to be my friend, it makes this whole misunderstood thing much harder to pull off.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“Disappointment flooded through me as my eyes unerringly focused on his table.” That sentence is terrible, and I can’t believe a reasonably awake editor let it through.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"Does he mean </span><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">you </span></i><span style="font-weight: normal;">?" Jessica asked with insulting astonishment in her voice.” Yeah, like you’re a princess of a friend. You characterize her excitement over finally going out with the boy she likes as ‘babbling’. Edward has been treating you like garbage, and she warned you on the first day of school that he was a rude snob. I think she’d be astonished if he asked anyone to sit with him.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“It was hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real.” Who needs a good personality when they’re awesomely hot?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"I may not give you back, though," he said with a wicked glint in his eyes.” First hint on how he’s disgustingly possessive. And he laughs at her for the sixth time.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"Yes — giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." His smile faded as he explained, and a hard edge crept into his voice.” It’s hard for me to be good, so I’m going to do what I want. I’m going to scare you, and I really, really want to eat you. Here’s a question: Twilighters say it’s okay that Edward killed people in the past, because he was confused. How about if Edward was a normal guy with supreme beauty- but instead of killing someone, he raped someone? Follow me on this. He raped a girl and got away with it. He regrets it morally, but he really, really enjoyed doing it. And now he finds a girl who is perfectly his type who would let him get away with it. He is not putting himself out there for true love, he is just a weak-willed, selfish brat.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“He grinned. "Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you." Behind his smile, the warning was real.” I am going to continue to say one thing and do another. Because that’s totally perfect in relationships. I am tempted to hurt you every moment, and I would like nothing better than to drink your blood. But I’m going to keep hanging around you, because I can’t read your thoughts and sneer at you like I do with everyone else. I need to ask some questions before I can sneer at you.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too." My eyes narrowed.” So you know he called you stupid. Why are you still trying to be friends?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"No," I disagreed quickly, my eyes narrowing, "I can't </span><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">imagine </span></i><span style="font-weight: normal;">why that would be frustrating at all — just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating?"<o:p></o:p><br />He grimaced.<o:p></o:p><br />"Or better," I continued, the pent-up annoyance flowing freely now, "say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things — from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be </span><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">very </span></i><span style="font-weight: normal;">non-frustrating." META-BELLA!!! Too bad I know you’re going to go away in a moment, because your actual personality melts under Edward’s physical beauty.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"” That knocked the smug smile off his face. Of course, weak woman things shouldn’t fight with big strong men. That’s unmaidenly.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Laughs at her for the seventh time when she makes the very reasonable request that he stop treating her like a mound of garbage.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"Please tell me just one little theory." His eyes still smoldered at me.” Smoldered? When I say move, you MOVE!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"You're dangerous?" I guessed, my pulse quickening as I intuitively realized the truth of my own words.” And that turns me on!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Their fifth conversation, he is mentioned smiling, laughing, chuckling, grinning, or snickering 16 times. Why was this not caught by the editor? They sort of fought, kind of, since he’s being jerky.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“Mike looked resentful; Angela looked surprised, and slightly awed.” Like OHMIGOD, Edward Cullen <i style="">talked </i>to you! You’re obviously the most special person in the history of the world!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“He grabbed Mike's hand and jabbed the spike into the tip of Mike's middle finger.” … what kind of school is this? I guess this is SMeyer’s impression of “primitive” small towns, where teachers are allowed to assault students with sharp objects.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"The Red Cross is having a blood drive in <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Port Angeles</st1:place></st1:City> next weekend, so I thought you should all know your blood type." He sounded proud of himself. "Those of you who aren't eighteen yet will need a parent's permission — I have slips at my desk."” Oh, gross, how can he be <i style="">proud</i> of encouraging students to selflessly <i style="">save lives!?! </i><o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p> </o:p>“Suddenly the sidewalk disappeared from beneath me. My eyes flew open in shock. Edward had scooped me up in his arms, as easily as if I weighed ten pounds instead of a hundred and ten.” Drama queen. Also, why would Edward move a girl who is obviously about to puke? He should have let her sit in the fresh air for a few minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"You look awful," he told me, grinning.” Your discomfort amuses Edward, weak woman thing.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"So you faint at the sight of blood?" he asked. This seemed to entertain him. […] "And not even your own blood," he continued, enjoying himself.” It really is hilarious that you are such a weak, fragile little flower that needs a big strong man to protect you at all times.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“He muffled a snicker.” Edward should really be required to wear a sign reading ‘I’m a douchebag’.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Also, finally, women in the school! A receptionist and a grandmother who is the nurse. Why aren’t there any women teachers?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“Edward coughed to hide another laugh.” He has now laughed at her seven times in 48 pages.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-weight: normal;">Page 48, yet another “get” improperly italicized. Did SMeyer just search the word ‘get’ and replace every instance with italics?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-weight: normal;">“</span><span style="font-weight: normal;">"People can't smell blood," he contradicted.” Okay, Mr. I’ve-Been-To-Med-School-and-Still-Don’t-Know-That-Humans-Can-Smell-Blood -_-<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" Ms. Cope fluttered. Why couldn't I do that?” Because lonely middle aged women are easily bowled over by a pretty young boy.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won't mind."” One female teacher in the school… and it’s hinted that she is also bowled over by Edward’s prettiness.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“I couldn't picture him loading up to carpool with the rest of the kids from school; he didn't belong in the same world. But just hoping that he might gave me the first twinge of enthusiasm I'd felt for the outing.” Because his unearthly beauty makes him better than them. And I still don’t see why you are so eager to spend time with someone who you fight with half the time.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." His eyes danced; he was enjoying the idea more than he should.” I love the idea of you crushing another boy’s heart.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">Page 50, ‘I’ is improperly italicized. “I liked it more than </span><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">I </span></i><span style="font-weight: normal;">should.” Though maybe that <i style="">I</i> refers to Meta-Bella, who is attempting to escape again!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“Something caught my jacket, yanking me back.<o:p></o:p><br />"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, outraged. He was gripping a fistful of my jacket in one hand.” HOW DARE YOU DO SOMETHING WITHOUT MY EXPRESS PERMISSION!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" His voice was still indignant.” Do you think you have the right to tell me what to do, boy who isn’t even my friend?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"What condition? And what about my truck?" I complained.” ‘Complained’ is a very telling word on SMeyer’s part. She thinks Edward is being sweet and Bella is being irrational. Not that Edward is being ridiculously controlling and Bella is rightly reacting to it.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"I'll have <st1:place st="on"><st1:city st="on">Alice</st1:City></st1:place> drop it off after school." He was towing me toward his car now, pulling me by my jacket. It was all I could do to keep from falling backward. He'd probably just drag me along anyway if I did.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">"Let go!" I insisted. He ignored me. I staggered along sideways across the wet sidewalk until we reached the Volvo. Then he finally freed me — I stumbled against the passenger door.” And how is this not counted as abuse? He treats her like she’s a naughty two-year-old, does not listen to her direct orders concerning herself, and is being physically forceful.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"You are so </span><i><span style="font-weight: normal;">pushy </span></i><span style="font-weight: normal;">!" I grumbled.” Here’s SMeyer showing her true colors again. She thinks that Edward forcing Bella into his car is sweet and that Bella is being the irrational one. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“I was mentally calculating my chances of reaching the truck before he could catch me. I had to admit, they weren't good.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">"I'll just drag you back," he threatened, guessing my plan.” Oh. My. God. Bella should be screaming right now, tell her father the minute she gets home, and file a restraining order against him. HE HAS JUST THREATENED HER PHYSICALLY! I don’t care if it’s because he thinks he knows what’s best for her- it’s abuse!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"I have too much Charlie in me. She's more outgoing than I am, and braver. She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend." I stopped.” And I hate my father because he’s kind and responsible. I hate kind, responsible people, they keep me from wangsting.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." I laughed, and then sighed. "Well, someone has to be the adult."” This doesn’t make any sense. Bella has shown that she is weak-willed, wishy-washy, rude, self-centered, and easily won over by a pretty face, despite actions. I’d say she’s very much a teenager.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“I was surprised he would remember the name; I'd mentioned it just once, almost two months ago.” According to your own narration, it’s been three weeks.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-weight: normal;">“The attraction was a mystery to me.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-weight: normal;">” Now, if you could just realize that your attraction to Edward is based solely on his looks…<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-weight: normal;">“</span><span style="font-weight: normal;">"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."” How do they manage to not get kicked out of school?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: georgia; font-weight: normal;">Six conversations, with some random fighting. Meta-Bella does seem to realize it’s only Edwards looks, and be concerned that his mood changes from laughing to scary in a moment. Canon-Bella is thrilled by this. Another great message for young girls: a man with mercurial moods who scares you is the perfect mate.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-15654775640611390192009-02-08T20:15:00.000-08:002009-02-08T20:18:17.218-08:00Chapter 4: Why Characters Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Read the Book Jacket<p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“After that, he was in my dreams nearly every night, but always on the periphery, never within reach.” Okay, the symbolism is about as subtle as a boot to the head, but since we’ve read the book jacket we know it’s going to turn out all right. I would argue that Meta-Bella is trying to tell Canon-Bella that Edward is never going to give her emotional intimacy or be her equal, but I don’t think SMeyer is that clever. This establishes their relationship- he is the superior walking ahead of her, and she is the helpless child running behind him, begging for a little bit of his light. It’s actually pretty disturbing and suggests that Bella has an Elektra Complex.<o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“To my dismay, I found myself the center of attention for the rest of that week.” I could see this being uncomfortable, but after Bella whining about how no one liked her for her, I would think this genuine outpouring of concern would be at least a little touching. <o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Mike and Eric were even less friendly toward him than they were to each other, which made me worry that I'd gained another unwelcome fan.” Why are these young men unwelcome? You don’t really know any of them, because you refuse to give them a chance, so for all you know, they’re terrific guys and would be good boyfriends. I understand being shy, but she doesn’t want to give anyone a chance. Also telling is how she refers to these swains as ‘fans’. For all her talking about her low self-esteem, she’s awfully self-important.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“With chagrin, I realized the probable cause — no one else was as aware of Edward as I always was.” The first improper usage of the word ‘chagrin’. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“No one else watched him the way I did. How pitiful.” Yes, Meta-Bella! Realize how your obsession is unhealthy! He did save your life, and it’s nice of you to be grateful, but you know that he’s a jerk. Stay away from him, he’ll only hurt you!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Edward was never surrounded by crowds of curious bystanders eager for his firsthand account. People avoided him as usual.” Did you ever really ask why people avoid him? Oh wait, you did, were told that he was a rude snob, and decided that the girl you asked was just jealous because he was so hawt.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“And, overnight, the heat of my anger faded into awed gratitude.” WHY!?! Oh, Meta-Bella, where are you? Be grateful that he saved your life- it would make you a total bitch if you weren’t, but can’t you hold onto a little anger for how badly he treats you? Why are you so overawed by his beauty when it holds such an ugly personality?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Despite my outright lies, the tenor of my e-mails alerted Renée to my depression, and she called a few times, worried.” What’s there to be depressed about? You have three guys vying for your attention. Everyone in <st1:place st="on"><st1:placename st="on">Forks</st1:PlaceName> <st1:placetype st="on">High School</st1:PlaceType></st1:place> thinks you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread. Everyone is trying to be your friend. And all you can do is play the Sad Sack because the best-looking guy in school isn’t talking to you. You said yourself in the first chapter that no one ever paid attention to you, so why does it bug you so much that Edward doesn’t? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"It will be really fun." Her attempt to convince me was halfhearted. I suspected that Jessica enjoyed my inexplicable popularity more than my actual company.” You bitch. Really, I want to smack Bella across the mouth for this. This girl just made sure that you didn’t like the boy she likes before she asked him to the dance. That seems like a really kind thing to do, and the sort of thing a real friend would do. Of course, Jessica is ugly (she has BIG HAIR!) so SMeyer puts a bit in ‘Midnight Sun’ about how Jessica is really the bitch. -_-<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“As always, I was electrically aware of Edward sitting close enough to touch, as distant as if he were merely an invention of my imagination.” Yet another mention of this insane obsession.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I paused for a moment, hating the wave of guilt that swept through me. But I saw, from the corner of my eye, Edward's head tilt reflexively in my direction.” Even when another guy is trying to tell you he really likes you, all you can think about is Edward, even though he’s been acting like you don’t exist for at least a week.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Did Edward notice how Mike's eyes flickered in his direction?” Oh, please, oh please, Edward, notice that guys are jealous of my mad masturbatory fantasies about you!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Yeah, you're right," he mumbled, and turned, dejected, to walk back to his seat. I closed my eyes and pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to push the guilt and sympathy out of my head.” Come on, being human will make me likable. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“There was no question of me looking away. My hands started to shake.” Quoting Robert Pattinson: “Edward was so beautiful I creamed myself”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I looked down at my book as soon as his eyes released me, trying to find my place.” *ahem* Come again? Released? This is awfully patriarchal language she’s using.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I couldn't believe the rush of emotion pulsing through me — just because he'd happened to look at me for the first time in a half-dozen weeks.” Wait, what? The timeline is really fuzzy- first he glares at you, then he disappears for… a week? Then there’s the accident the day after that, and it’s been a week since that. So, according to your narration, you’ve been in Forks for three weeks, not six.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I couldn't allow him to have this level of influence over me. It was pathetic. More than pathetic, it was unhealthy.” Yes, Meta-Bella! You realize that there is nothing healthy about obsession with looks and controlling men.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“His lips twitched, fighting a smile. "No, not really," he admitted.” It’s so cute when you whine like a child. It makes me feel like a man, and really makes me want to turn you over my knee and spank you like the naughty little girl you are.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Then what do you want, Edward?" I asked, keeping my eyes closed; it was easier to talk to him coherently that way.” Well, then, you realize that it’s just his looks. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"It's better if we're not friends," he explained. "Trust me."” First warning to stay away from him, page 36. So far his actions haven’t contradicted this.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You don't know anything." He was definitely mad.” I know this is supposed to be an angry retort, but it again establishes Edward as better and smarter than Bella.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Adoraklutz strikes again, page 37.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Third conversation- second fight.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">More Adoraklutz, page 37. No one is passing her the ball, so how is she continually falling down?<o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I heard a low chuckle.” Third time Edward has laughed at her.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Edward was in his car already, two spaces down, sliding out smoothly in front of me, cutting me off.” Okay, dude, now you’re just being an asshole. You’re also breaking this ‘Stay away from me’ thing, because there’s really no better way to get a girl engaged in conversation than to be a total asshole. At the very least, she should storm up to you and say ‘What the hell, man?’ Also, in his quest to be an asshole to Bella, he’s cuts off everyone else in the parking lot. What a dick.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Directly behind me, Tyler Crowley was in his recently acquired used Sentra, waving.” Yet another reminder that the people other than the Cullens are poor.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He was unquestionably shaking with laughter, as if he'd heard every word <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Tyler</st1:place></st1:City> had said.” Fourth time Edward laughs at Bella. Why is it so funny to him that other guys like her? Is it because he already knows she’s too obsessed with him to even look at another guy?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I was almost afraid to answer it, but it might be Charlie or my mom.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">” Why does she hate her parents so much? Really.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">But my head was spinning, trying to analyze every word Edward had spoken today.” I would be trying to figure out why he was going out of his way to be a dick.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“He must see how absorbed I was by him; he must not want to lead me on… so we couldn't even be friends… because he wasn't interested in me at all.” Now you know what it feels like, you standoffish bitch. I found it ironic that you referred to Lauren as ‘standoffish’ when you can barely be bothered to speak to people who aren’t Edward.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Interesting… and brilliant… and mysterious… and perfect… and beautiful… and possibly able to lift full-sized vans with one hand.” He’s an asshole. He’s mean, rude, snobby, and he laughs at you all the time. Sure, he’s physically perfect, BUT HE’S A TOTAL DICKWEED! You know nothing about anyone else in the town, because you don’t care enough to ask, so I’d say everyone else is pretty mysterious. But you only care about Edward, because A) he’s really hot, and B) you’ve read the book jacket and realize that you’re supposed to fall in love with him.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“But he was a cop, even if just a small-town cop,</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">” Could you be more disrespectful and close-minded? Seriously, try.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“</span><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">I didn't want to ask permission — it set a bad precedent — but I felt rude, so I tacked it on at the end.” A bad precedent? A non-emancipated teenager asking her legal guardian for permission? To make a road trip in the car that that guardian bought for her?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Page 39: "<st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Seattle</st1:place></st1:City> is a big city — you could </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">get </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">lost," he fretted.” Get is improperly italicized again. Does she not know what italics are for?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I tried to be crafty as I hid my horror.” Oh, ick, this man who is responsible for half my genetic makeup wants to spend time with me and make sure that I’m safe. HOW AWFUL!<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Only in a town this small would a </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">father </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">know when the high school dances were.” Because men don’t care about their children. That there be women’s work.<o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“Edward Cullen was right next to me, leaning casually against my truck.” So, you know how I told you yesterday that we should never spend any time together at all?<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">""That was for <st1:city st="on"><st1:place st="on">Tyler</st1:place></st1:City> 's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance." He snickered.” It’s so funny watching you break other guy’s hearts! I get a big kick out of making you uncomfortable… and laughing at you, which I have done five times now.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Bella, you are utterly absurd," he said, his low voice cold.” I think this is supposed to be an example of his speech being old-fashioned, but it’s not. Also, why are you so mad that she pointed out that you’re being a major league douchebag? <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me," he chuckled. He seemed to have recovered his good humor.” It’s so funny when the weak woman thing tries to do what’s best for her. He has now laughed at her six times.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You're doing it again."” Doing what again? You’re acting like a crazy person- ‘We can’t ever be friends’, ‘I’m going to be rude’, ‘I’m going to act hurt that you called me on my dickish behavior’, ‘I’m going to laugh at you again’, ‘I’m going to insult you’, ‘I’m going to be surprised that you’re mad at me’. <o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Myself, obviously." He enunciated every syllable, as if he were talking to someone mentally handicapped.” I’m much smarter than you, weak woman thing.<o:p> </o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"Honestly, Edward." I felt a thrill go through me as I said his name, and I hated it. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."” Meta-Bella, come on. For God’s sakes, he’s about as jerky as you can get without actually hickory-smoking him. Buy a vibrator or something.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."” And here he is, really. Saying one thing and doing another. Great trait in a love interest.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Page 41, two typos in two sentences. First, the closing quotation marks are misplaced, and then “so I could more easily look at <u style="font-weight: bold;">is</u> face”<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“I couldn't speak yet, so I just nodded.” Why are you so bowled over by a pretty face? Girl, I really must say it- learn how to masturbate properly, and all of this burning tension should ease up a bit.<o:p></o:p></span></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">“"You really </span><i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPS-ItalicMT; font-weight: normal;">should </span></i><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">stay away from me," he warned. "I'll see you in class."” But rather than be the good guy and control myself, I’m just going to warn you to stay away from me while pushing you to spend time with me.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style=""><span style="font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;">Four conversations, three fights.</span><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: TimesNewRomanPSMT; font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></span></p>jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-13644087003480418742009-01-30T13:11:00.000-08:002009-01-30T13:14:57.759-08:00Chapter 3: Meta-Bella Attempts a Daring Escape!“But that wasn't the worst part. All the rain from yesterday had frozen solid — coating the needles on the trees in fantastic, gorgeous patterns” Not very consistent, are you? It’s horrible and gorgeous. Maybe that’s a bit of clever foreshadowing on SMeyer’s part, but I kind of doubt it.<br /><br />Adoraklutz, page 27. Isn’t it so relatable that she’s the clumsiest creature on God’s green earth? It makes her just like me, the awkward teenage reader!<br /><br />“I threw down a quick bowl of cereal and some orange juice from the carton.” That’s a bad sentence. Bad, bad, bad sentence. Tell me that doesn’t conjure the image of Adoraklutz dropping a full bowl of cereal on the floor- a bowl of cereal with orange juice. Orange juice FROM THE CARTON!<br /><br />“I knew it wasn't the stimulating learning environment I was anticipating, or seeing my new set of friends.” Because people in small towns are dumb. Also, what friends? Are you counting the people you barely tolerate who sit next to you at lunch, while you make googily eyes at the Cullens? And how is it a new set if you’ve never had friends before?<br /><br />“If I was being honest with myself, I knew I was eager to get to school because I would see Edward Cullen. And that was very, very stupid.” Yes, Meta-Bella! Yes, you realize how dumb it is to want to see a guy who goes between rude and controlling, who laughs at you, and who throws off ‘I’m a bad dude’ signs like fireworks! You know his only attraction is how hot he is, and you’re aware it’s sick that your masturbation fodder is the only reason you want to go to school!<br /><br />“I should be avoiding him entirely after my brainless and embarrassing babbling yesterday.” -_- And there goes that happy thought.<br /><br />“I was well aware that my league and his league were spheres that did not touch.” His league? Good-looking douchebags? You start worrying about how hostile he is, and then melt at his pretty face and decide he’ll never speak to you because you’re such a beast. Healthy!<br /><br />“Clearly, today was going to be nightmarish.” Well, according to you, what day hasn’t been? Every day gets a descriptor like ‘dreadful’, ‘horrible’, ‘disappointing’… it’s not working anymore. I don’t believe you. Every day can’t be as terrible as you describe, unless you just enjoy wallowing in misery.<br /><br />“Possibly my crippling clumsiness was seen as endearing rather than pathetic, casting me as a damsel in distress.” Meta-Bella again! I kind of like her- she realizes that she’s not in good situations. Of course, SMeyer can’t have that, so immediately Bella goes back to thinking about boys. Mike is all *ew* nice and stuff, and Eric is all *ew* geeky and stuff. So obviously, no one will do but Edward.<br /><br />“My truck seemed to have no problem with the black ice that covered the roads.” You can’t see or drive on black ice -_- Research won’t kill you, Stephers.<br /><br />“Something silver caught my eye” Alert is Bella’s middle name!<br /><br />“I wasn't used to being taken care of, and Charlie's unspoken concern caught me by surprise.” He’s a wonderful guy and an ideal father. Why can’t you ever call him ‘Dad’?<br /><br />“"That's what I thought." His voice, amazingly, sounded like he was suppressing laughter.” It’s so funny you almost died! I wish I could hit you on the head again, you little scamp!<br /><br />“There was a flurry of activity around us. I tried to get up, but Edward's cold hand pushed my shoulder down.” Keep lying on the ice until I give you leave to stand up, woman!<br /><br />“"But it's cold," I complained. It surprised me when he chuckled under his breath. There was an edge to the sound.” Your discomfort amuses Edward. He hasn’t given you permission to stand up, weak woman thing, so don’t.<br /><br />“He unleashed the full, devastating power of his eyes on me, as if trying to communicate something crucial.” God, who cares that he’s being patronizing and obviously lying to me? He’s sooo hot!<br /><br />Typo, page 29: “hepleaded”<br /><br />“"Will you promise to explain everything to me later?"<br />"Fine," he snapped, abruptly exasperated.” For heaven’s sake, all I did was demand your trust when I haven’t given you even the slightest reason to trust me. How dare you question me?<br /><br />“To make matters worse, Chief Swan arrived before they could get me safely away.” Why does she treat her father so dismissively? Her attraction to controlling men suggests an Electra complex, but her relationship with her father is characterized by love and attempts at understanding on Charlie’s side, and none on hers.<br /><br />“Since no one bothered pulling the curtain around to give me some privacy, I decided I wasn't obligated to wear the stupid-looking neck brace anymore.” Who cares about safety? I WANNA LOOK PRETTY!!!<br /><br />“harassed by Tyler 's constant apologies and promises to make it up to me.” What’s with people in this town and them being nice to me? Can’t they see that I’m better than them?<br /><br />“I glared at him. It wasn't easy — it would have been more natural to ogle.” I’m so mad that all I can do is masturbate furiously.<br /><br />“I heard a chuckle, and looked over to see Edward's patronizing smile.” Edward, you’re a douchebag.<br /><br />“"Someone has to spread the good news that we survived," Edward said smugly.” More douchebaggery. He’s probably also five popped collars cool.<br />“"Actually," Dr. Cullen corrected, "most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."” Because Bella is such a SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE that a school holiday was declared when she was injured.<br /><br />“"Take some Tylenol for the pain," he suggested as he steadied me.” Product placement!<br /><br />“I was in danger of being distracted by his livid, glorious face. It was like trying to stare down a destroying angel.” …. Yes, you totally love him for his personality.<br /><br />Conversation 2, page 32.<br /><br />“"There's nothing wrong with me," I assured him sullenly. I was still aggravated, not in the mood for chitchat.<br />"What did the doctor say?"<br />"Dr. Cullen saw me, and he said I was fine and I could go home." I sighed. Mike and Jessica and Eric were all there, beginning to converge on us. "Let's go," I urged.” How dare all these people be concerned about me? All I want to do is think about how hot Edward is!<br /><br />“"Um… you'll need to call Renée." He hung his head, guilty.<br />I was appalled. "You told Mom!"<br />"Sorry."<br />I slammed the cruiser's door a little harder than necessary on my way out.” She only BORE me! How could you tell her that I was in an accident that necessitated a hospital trip and X-rays? You inconsiderate prick, it’s no wonder I hate you so much!<br /><br />“but her pleas were easier to resist than I would have thought. I was consumed by the mystery Edward presented.” Being obsessed with a guy is a perfect reason to stay in a town.<br /><br />“And more than a little obsessed by Edward himself. Stupid, stupid, stupid.” Come on, Meta-Bella. Escape! Do the right thing, and confront your idiocy!<br /><br />“I wasn't as eager to escape Forks as I should be, as any normal, sane person would be.” Very good showing- Bella thinks her opinions are the only sane ones. She is the center of the universe, and everyone should always think exactly like she does.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-79321816354675662822009-01-30T13:02:00.000-08:002009-01-30T13:11:03.988-08:00Chapter 2: A Stupidly Long Breakdown for a Stupidly Long Chapter“that was nattering” That word… it doesn’t mean what you think it means. And God, Bella, can you be any more of a bitch about “ugly” people? What’s wrong with Eric, besides the fact that he looks like he plays chess? She’s awfully anti-intellectual for someone so “smart”<br /><br />“It was worse because Edward wasn’t in school”. You shallow, superficial little girl. Why do you want him around? He’s proven himself to be a total dickweed. He’s the OMG HAWTEST GUY IN SKOOL!!!11, but he’s mean. He’s a snob and a jerk, and acts like you’re covered in garbage. So why are you mooning about him? Did you read the book jacket first and realize that you’re supposed to fall in love with him?<br /><br />Typo- page 16. The terminator isn’t capitalized<br />Typo- page 16 Golden Retriever is a proper name<br /><br />So, you don’t want attention, but you do want people to fawn over you? You look down on Mike for being a nice guy and showing you around, while wondering where the guy who was mean to you could possibly be. There’s an empowering message for young girls- ignore the nice guy, the jerk’s better!<br /><br />“Overly friendly”? She’s already making plans on how to blow off the person trying the hardest to make friends with her. This after complaining that no one was going to like her- she was going to have no friends, she never fit in anywhere, she was in for a lonely time. I can see why she didn’t have any friends in her old school: Bella is self-centered and self-absorbed, besides being rude. She doesn’t want anyone to be friendly and she certainly makes no effort to be friendly, so how exactly was she expecting to make friends?<br /><br />So far I know how ugly everyone besides Edward is, and how Mike isn’t too ugly, but she still doesn’t want to be around him, but he’s too good-looking for all the other ugly people in this town. She goes on and on about how ugly people are- proving herself to be the ugliest one of all. It’s the Holden Caulfield of shallow teenage girls.<br /><br />“pleased to find that I had successfully evaded my retriever friend for the moment.” And she says she wants to have friends? Really, this just reinforces what I was saying before: Bella does not want friends.<br /><br />“So I requested that I be assigned kitchen detail for the duration of my stay. He was willing enough to hand over the keys to the banquet hall.” More unreliable narrator. She’s told us she isn’t “verbose”.<br /><br />“I gunned my deafening engine to life” She’s going to kill that engine doing that<br /><br />“It didn’t look as if it had bought them any acceptance here” MAYBE BECAUSE THEY’RE CLIQUISH SNOBS!?!<br /><br />“I couldn’t imagine any door that wouldn’t be opened by that degree of beauty” and then slammed shut when people realize that the Cullen kids are snobby and mean<br /><br />“I unloaded all the groceries, stuffing them in wherever I could find an open space.” She said earlier that there was no food in the kitchen. Minor, but consistency, please?<br /><br />Further establishing her mother as a nitwit- she can’t imagine that her daughter wouldn’t immediately check her e-mail (though it was rather inconsiderate of Bella not to call when she landed safely) and then she can’t remember where her own shirt is. I suppose this is supposed to establish Bella as “mature” and “level-headed”, but it doesn’t make her look more competent when she’s being contrasted with a bubble-brained moron.<br /><br />Page 18, first mention of Bella actually reading a book. She’s told us she has, but she has yet to show anything that would suggest she has. Then again, she’s hardly spoken to anyone, near as I can figure, which makes me wonder why everyone is still so desperate to be friends.<br /><br />“Who else, I thought to myself” Why does she act like her father’s an idiot? Can’t this girl have been given one iota of respect for either of her parents?<br /><br />Her mother being an imaginative cook- "I was surprised, and sad, that he could remember that far back". Not all of us have the attention spans of goldfish, Princess<br /><br />Minor inconsistency: on page 17 she said she was marinating “a steak”. On page 18, she’s cooking “steaks”. Yeah, it’s nitpicking, but it just seems lazy that no one noticed that.<br /><br />“A lot of the nurses at the hospital have a hard time concentrating on their work with him around." Um… aren’t there any female <i>doctors</i>? How about male nurses?<br /><br />“Edward Cullen didn't come back to school.” How does he manage not to get in trouble for truancy? Hell, I got in trouble for truancy after officially transferring to homeschool, so how does he get off just leaving school for weeks at a time? Is it because he’s so goddamned sexy that every woman in the school just winks at his absences? Actually… I don’t think a woman has been mentioned in school, aside from the secretary. There are no female teachers.<br /><br />“I was invited, and I had agreed to go, more out of politeness than desire” Bella doesn’t want friends: she lied to us right off.<br /><br />“I did drive to the library Saturday, but it was so poorly stocked that I didn't bother to get a card; I would have to make a date to visit Olympia or Seattle soon and find a good bookstore.” Unless that library had no books at all, then there’s really no excuse not to get a card. In a more self-aware book, this would be good showing. It’s showing us that Bella is pessimistic, unwilling to make an effort, and unwilling to try new things. It shows she is disdainful of “small town hicks” who would be satisfied with a small library, and her longing to go to a big town.<br /><br />"Ew." Snow. There went my good day.” Bella is awfully closed to new experiences. Maybe that’s why she wants to glue herself as an unchanging corpse to Edward Cullen’s side for eternity- then she would never have to face any sort of change.<br /><br />"Besides, I thought it was supposed to come down in flakes — you know, each one unique and all that. These just look like the ends of Q-tips." BUT NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE LIKE YOU, BELLA!!!<br /><br />Typo, page 20: “appatently”<br />Second typo, page 20: “I waited for them to<i> get</i> their food”. Why is get italicized? Are they supposed to be understanding their food through meaningful conversation?<br /><br />“Twice Mike asked, with unnecessary concern, how I was feeling.” Yeah, how dare he assume that my sudden change in mood and my announcement that I felt sick means I feel sick? Who does he think he is, my friend or something?<br /><br />“only they looked more like a scene from a movie than the rest of us.” Get it? Because everyone else is ugly and they're really, really, ridiculously good-looking.<br /><br />“I raised my head enough to make sure that she did, contemplating violence if she resisted.” Resisted? Who the hell do you think you are, giving orders like that? You aren’t the goddamn Batman, Sweet Cheeks.<br /><br />“pulled my hood up, secretly pleased.” This is more dopey than anything. If it’s cold enough to snow and that snow to pile up fast enough in one morning to have snowball fights all day, that’s not rain. That’s sleet, and driving is going to be hellish.<br /><br />“even so, he looked like he'd just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel. His dazzling face was friendly, open, a slight smile on his flawless lips.” Again with the description of how insanely beautiful she is. She was scared to death of him 10 minutes ago because he was so mean to her. She was considering skipping class to not have to sit next to this jerk. And here she is describing his beauty. Not shallow at all.<br /><br />"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive." Say what, now? Even in small towns, that doesn’t happen. I’m surprised SMeyer didn’t say that the town held a parade in her honor.<br /><br />"But I think Charlie — I mean my dad — must call me Isabella behind my back” Well, not like you have a right to complain about the behind-the-back-name-calling. Also, did she not clarify during her first roll that she prefers ‘Bella’?<br /><br />“I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at him like an idiot.” *sigh* So completely based on his wonderful personality!<br /><br />"Do you mind if I look?" he asked as I began to remove the slide. His hand caught mine, to stop me, as he asked” I see that as being kind of sexist on his part. He’s assuming that she has no idea what she’s looking at- if he thought she was right, he’d just ask if he could look too, not grab at her.<br /><br />“His fingers were ice-cold, like he'd been holding them in a snowdrift before class” He’s a corpse. He should be room temperature.<br /><br />“glanced at it cursorily” That last word… couldn’t she have found a better one? Why not say ‘briefly’?<br /><br />“I would have written it while he looked, but his clear, elegant script intimidated me. I didn't want to spoil the page with my clumsy scrawl.” Early establishment- EDWARD IS BETTER THAN ME!!!<br />Also, this scene where they finish labeling slides really fast does not show that Bella is good in school or smart. She’s already studied this material. So has Edward. It shows that they don’t have lousy memories, but it doesn’t show that they’re smart.<br /><br />“a strange ocher, darker than butterscotch, but with the same golden tone.” Those are all different colors. Pick one.<br /><br />“Or maybe Forks was making me crazy in the literal sense of the word” What have you had to complain about? Everyone in school adores you!<br /><br />“Mr. Banner looked at me now; his expression was skeptical.” Because girls aren’t good at science. According to SMeyer, this guy wants to jump Bella too.<br /><br />"Well," he said after a moment, "I guess it's good you two are lab partners." Don’t most teachers like pairing up a weaker student with a stronger one, so they can both learn something?<br /><br />“"Why did you come here, then?"<br />No one had asked me that — not straight out like he did, demanding.” Establishing dominance early in the relationship.<br /><br />"And you don't like him," Edward surmised, his tone still kind.<br />"And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him." He said it as an assumption again, not a question.” Edward likes telling, not talking. It’s clear he’s being thrown off by getting even a detail wrong.<br /><br />"You put on a good show," he said slowly. "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see.” Suffering? What does this coddled brat know about suffering?<br /><br />"I didn't think so," he murmured smugly.” <i>I’m</i> in charge here, after all.<br /><br />"Am I annoying you?" he asked. He sounded amused.” Yeah, it’s funny to make all kinds of assumptions about a girl you’ve never spoken to and annoy her.<br /><br />“But my thoughts were unmanageable.” What?<br /><br />“Mike skipped quickly to my side and picked up my books for me. I imagined him with a wagging tail.” How dare he be nice? He’s not GORGEOUS!<br /><br />“stung by his assumption.” So, it’s okay for Edward to think that you can’t do the work, but not for Mike?<br /><br />“I stared straight ahead as I passed the Volvo, but from a peripheral peek, I would swear I saw him laughing.” Watching you nearly kill other students with your clumsiness is funny!<br /><br />In chapter 2, Edward and Bella have one conversation. I'm keeping a tally.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6670364789892401501.post-19489141812745722212009-01-29T18:30:00.000-08:002009-01-29T18:33:24.010-08:00For my first trick: Chapter 1: Enter the WhingingChapter 1: Enter the Whining<br />Preface: Juvenile, heavy-handed. Immature writing, telling, not showing. “I stared without breathing across the long room” 0-0<br /><br />Chapter 1:<br />Bella: is a spoiled, whining bitch. Seriously. Escaped? Oh, woe. It’s cloudy up there.<br /><br />Erratic, harebrained mother? Wide childlike eyes? How did this ditz get custody if her witless, clumsy beyond reason teenage daughter takes care of her?<br /><br />“Neither of us was what anyone would call verbose”- oh, Bella, you lying bitch. "Talkative" and "verbose" do not mean the same thing. If the only sentence I said all day was "The rancorous insufflation of Boreas is markedly gelid this forenoon", I would not be talkative, but I would be verbose.<br /><br />“Charlie, to his face”- disrespectful little punk. What's Charlie ever done to her, beyond living in a small town? Oh, right, that's a sin, because Bella needs to be a princess in a sunny castle.<br /><br />“My clothes were too permeable”- Unless she's talking about her Hazmat suit or her deep sea diving equipment, how about “My clothes were too light”? How’s that for not being verbose?<br /><br />“Blocking painful, unnecessary things”- because hanging out with Indians is soooo icky. Almost like getting raped.<br /><br />“Wow. Free.”- I can hear your enthusiasm, you little snot. Your father is bending over backwards for you, and all you can do is complain that there's too much greenery about.<br /><br />Typo page 6- Conversation capitalized incorrectly<br /><br />“Now my horrific day tomorrow would be just that much less dreadful”- Drama queen. I was a pessimist at 16 too, but honestly? She’s laying it on way too thick.<br /><br />“I tried not to dwell too much on that fact”- because sharing a bathroom is much like being sent to work in the salt mines.<br /><br />“Ivory-skinned, slender, but soft”- yeah, right, you’re an ugly hag. A girl who really thought she was ugly would have said ‘fish-belly white’, 'scrawny', or ‘flabby’<br /><br />“Never in harmony with me”- okay, that would be good telling in a more self-aware book. Bella is the center of the universe: she is a grade A speshul snowflake, and she thinks everyone needs to conform to her.<br /><br />How dare my own father display pictures of me! A whole mantel full of pictures of his only child, like he was *EW!* related to me or something!<br /><br />“Jacket, biohazard suit” *eyeroll*<br /><br />Grammar mistakes on describing the school<br /><br />Yes, Bella, everyone in town is talking about you, because you’re so speshul<br /><br />“She brought several sheets to the counter to show roe” ???<br /><br />“No one was going to bite me” I see what you did thar<br /><br />Ugh, how dare this boy be friendly!? He’s all ugly and stuff. There's actually a bit of good description of him physically- "hair like an oil slick". That's good- you can see that it's black and get the feeling that it's also greasy. But good God, does she have to judge him on what he looks like the second she meets him? SMeyer keeps telling us that Bella's so mature, but then contradicts herself constantly.<br /><br />What sense of humor? That wasn’t being sarcastic, that was being bitchy (She makes a crack about being half albino, because she's so unnaturally pale)<br /><br />And Adoraklutz strikes! On page 10, where she shows herself to be a close-minded bitch again. Yawn, English is boring. Man, I hate math and anyone who teaches it.<br /><br />God, how come these people are so pushy? They keep trying to talk to me! And ew, they’re all ugly. I mean, this girl has BIG HAIR!<br /><br />And the Cullens sit there, totally ignoring everything, looking as sullen and rebellious and James-Dean-like as possible<br /><br />“Unpopular names”? Seriously?<br /><br />“Jealousy” because everyone is jealous and spiteful towards pretty people. It has nothing to do with them being mean and snobbish. You totally understand that, because you're totally the hot shit in this school, despite being so ugly and woefully misunderstood.<br /><br />“A clear case of sour grapes” Yeah, nothing to do with them being snobs<br /><br />Adoraklutz, page 12<br /><br />Typo page 13 “The phra seif”<br /><br />Oh, he’s thrilled, anyone would be to walk next to YOU!<br /><br />“Forks was literally my personal hell on Earth”<br /><br />“He didn’t appear to notice the sound of my entrance”. How about "He didn't seem to hear me come in". Man, Bella, you take verbose to new levels.<br /><br />“He argued in a low, attractive voice” -_-<br /><br />Random insert on how crazy handsome he is and how is voice is like velvet. His personality has already made him ugly<br /><br />Current counter: Three mentions of how hot Edward is, average 1 typo per five pages. Zero conversations.jenniferjoyjohnsonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08382057035309772366noreply@blogger.com2