“"Thank you for joining us, Miss Swan," Mr. Mason said in a disparaging tone.” Disparaging just sounds really odd there. It’s like she used the thesaurus on ‘sarcastic’, and just went with the biggest word that came up. Then again, ‘disparaging’ and ‘sarcastic’ don’t really mean the same thing- that’s a sarcastic statement, not a disparaging one.
“But he and Eric both met me at the door as usual, so I figured I wasn't totally unforgiven.” How’s that for not being verbose? ‘I figured they were at least beginning to forgive me’ sounds a lot better.
“That seemed more probable than that I really appealed to him on any level.” I am so totally bowled over by his looks that it doesn’t matter that I’m supposed to be smart. Why would he like a smart girl, when he could have a hot one? Oh wait, there aren’t any pretty girls at this school, which is why the boys made a mad rush on Bella. Because she’s a BYOOTIFUL SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE!!!
“Jessica babbled on and on about her dance plans — Lauren and Angela had asked the other boys and they were all going together — completely unaware of my inattention.” God, why does this girl think I care about her stupid plans? I want to drool over Edward some more! Stop trying to be my friend, it makes this whole misunderstood thing much harder to pull off.
“Disappointment flooded through me as my eyes unerringly focused on his table.” That sentence is terrible, and I can’t believe a reasonably awake editor let it through.
“"Does he mean you ?" Jessica asked with insulting astonishment in her voice.” Yeah, like you’re a princess of a friend. You characterize her excitement over finally going out with the boy she likes as ‘babbling’. Edward has been treating you like garbage, and she warned you on the first day of school that he was a rude snob. I think she’d be astonished if he asked anyone to sit with him.
“It was hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be real.” Who needs a good personality when they’re awesomely hot?
“"I may not give you back, though," he said with a wicked glint in his eyes.” First hint on how he’s disgustingly possessive. And he laughs at her for the sixth time.
“"Yes — giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." His smile faded as he explained, and a hard edge crept into his voice.” It’s hard for me to be good, so I’m going to do what I want. I’m going to scare you, and I really, really want to eat you. Here’s a question: Twilighters say it’s okay that Edward killed people in the past, because he was confused. How about if Edward was a normal guy with supreme beauty- but instead of killing someone, he raped someone? Follow me on this. He raped a girl and got away with it. He regrets it morally, but he really, really enjoyed doing it. And now he finds a girl who is perfectly his type who would let him get away with it. He is not putting himself out there for true love, he is just a weak-willed, selfish brat.
“He grinned. "Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you." Behind his smile, the warning was real.” I am going to continue to say one thing and do another. Because that’s totally perfect in relationships. I am tempted to hurt you every moment, and I would like nothing better than to drink your blood. But I’m going to keep hanging around you, because I can’t read your thoughts and sneer at you like I do with everyone else. I need to ask some questions before I can sneer at you.
“"I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too." My eyes narrowed.” So you know he called you stupid. Why are you still trying to be friends?
“"No," I disagreed quickly, my eyes narrowing, "I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all — just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now, why would that be frustrating?"
"Or better," I continued, the pent-up annoyance flowing freely now, "say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things — from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be very non-frustrating." META-BELLA!!! Too bad I know you’re going to go away in a moment, because your actual personality melts under Edward’s physical beauty.
“"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"” That knocked the smug smile off his face. Of course, weak woman things shouldn’t fight with big strong men. That’s unmaidenly.
Laughs at her for the seventh time when she makes the very reasonable request that he stop treating her like a mound of garbage.
“"Please tell me just one little theory." His eyes still smoldered at me.” Smoldered? When I say move, you MOVE!
“"You're dangerous?" I guessed, my pulse quickening as I intuitively realized the truth of my own words.” And that turns me on!
Their fifth conversation, he is mentioned smiling, laughing, chuckling, grinning, or snickering 16 times. Why was this not caught by the editor? They sort of fought, kind of, since he’s being jerky.
“Mike looked resentful; Angela looked surprised, and slightly awed.” Like OHMIGOD, Edward Cullen talked to you! You’re obviously the most special person in the history of the world!
“He grabbed Mike's hand and jabbed the spike into the tip of Mike's middle finger.” … what kind of school is this? I guess this is SMeyer’s impression of “primitive” small towns, where teachers are allowed to assault students with sharp objects.
“"The Red Cross is having a blood drive in
“"You look awful," he told me, grinning.” Your discomfort amuses Edward, weak woman thing.
“"So you faint at the sight of blood?" he asked. This seemed to entertain him. […] "And not even your own blood," he continued, enjoying himself.” It really is hilarious that you are such a weak, fragile little flower that needs a big strong man to protect you at all times.
“He muffled a snicker.” Edward should really be required to wear a sign reading ‘I’m a douchebag’.
Also, finally, women in the school! A receptionist and a grandmother who is the nurse. Why aren’t there any women teachers?
“Edward coughed to hide another laugh.” He has now laughed at her seven times in 48 pages.
Page 48, yet another “get” improperly italicized. Did SMeyer just search the word ‘get’ and replace every instance with italics?
“"People can't smell blood," he contradicted.” Okay, Mr. I’ve-Been-To-Med-School-and-Still-Don’t-Know-That-Humans-Can-Smell-Blood -_-
“"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" Ms. Cope fluttered. Why couldn't I do that?” Because lonely middle aged women are easily bowled over by a pretty young boy.
“"No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won't mind."” One female teacher in the school… and it’s hinted that she is also bowled over by Edward’s prettiness.
“I couldn't picture him loading up to carpool with the rest of the kids from school; he didn't belong in the same world. But just hoping that he might gave me the first twinge of enthusiasm I'd felt for the outing.” Because his unearthly beauty makes him better than them. And I still don’t see why you are so eager to spend time with someone who you fight with half the time.
“"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." His eyes danced; he was enjoying the idea more than he should.” I love the idea of you crushing another boy’s heart.
Page 50, ‘I’ is improperly italicized. “I liked it more than I should.” Though maybe that I refers to Meta-Bella, who is attempting to escape again!
“Something caught my jacket, yanking me back.
"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, outraged. He was gripping a fistful of my jacket in one hand.” HOW DARE YOU DO SOMETHING WITHOUT MY EXPRESS PERMISSION!
“"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" His voice was still indignant.” Do you think you have the right to tell me what to do, boy who isn’t even my friend?
“"What condition? And what about my truck?" I complained.” ‘Complained’ is a very telling word on SMeyer’s part. She thinks Edward is being sweet and Bella is being irrational. Not that Edward is being ridiculously controlling and Bella is rightly reacting to it.
"Let go!" I insisted. He ignored me. I staggered along sideways across the wet sidewalk until we reached the Volvo. Then he finally freed me — I stumbled against the passenger door.” And how is this not counted as abuse? He treats her like she’s a naughty two-year-old, does not listen to her direct orders concerning herself, and is being physically forceful.
“"You are so pushy !" I grumbled.” Here’s SMeyer showing her true colors again. She thinks that Edward forcing Bella into his car is sweet and that Bella is being the irrational one.
“I was mentally calculating my chances of reaching the truck before he could catch me. I had to admit, they weren't good.
"I'll just drag you back," he threatened, guessing my plan.” Oh. My. God. Bella should be screaming right now, tell her father the minute she gets home, and file a restraining order against him. HE HAS JUST THREATENED HER PHYSICALLY! I don’t care if it’s because he thinks he knows what’s best for her- it’s abuse!
“"I have too much Charlie in me. She's more outgoing than I am, and braver. She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend." I stopped.” And I hate my father because he’s kind and responsible. I hate kind, responsible people, they keep me from wangsting.
“"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." I laughed, and then sighed. "Well, someone has to be the adult."” This doesn’t make any sense. Bella has shown that she is weak-willed, wishy-washy, rude, self-centered, and easily won over by a pretty face, despite actions. I’d say she’s very much a teenager.
“I was surprised he would remember the name; I'd mentioned it just once, almost two months ago.” According to your own narration, it’s been three weeks.
“The attraction was a mystery to me.” Now, if you could just realize that your attraction to Edward is based solely on his looks…
“"No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."” How do they manage to not get kicked out of school?
Six conversations, with some random fighting. Meta-Bella does seem to realize it’s only Edwards looks, and be concerned that his mood changes from laughing to scary in a moment. Canon-Bella is thrilled by this. Another great message for young girls: a man with mercurial moods who scares you is the perfect mate.