Monday, May 4, 2009

Chapter 8: Wangst material without any wangst

“We listened to whiny rock songs while Jessica jabbered on about the boys we hung out with.” Bella continues to prove herself to be a very bad friend. She said one sentence ago that she got a rush from the whole ‘Girl’s Night’ thing, but now she’s classifying Jessica’s conversation as ‘jabbering’.

“"People ask you out here," she reminded me, "and you tell them no." So someone has noticed that Bella has some major contradictions going on. She was never noticed in her old town, but now she’s the town darling.

“"Tyler told everyone he's taking you to prom," Jessica informed me with suspicious eyes.” This doesn’t make any sense given the context of the scene. Why would Jessica think that Bella is going to the prom with Tyler when she’s just pointed out that Bella turns down every guy who asks her out? That’s just lazy writing.

“"He said what ?" I sounded like I was choking.” Bad writing- what’s wrong with ‘“He said what?” I choked out’?

“The girls'-night high was wearing off in the wake of my annoyance at Tyler, leaving room for the gloom to move back in.” What high? You’ve been a sad sack the entire trip, like always. It really makes no sense why anyone would like Bella – that girl could out-mope Eeyore.

Typo, page 74: a pair of pinkstrappy heels

Angela has answered “quietly” twice in two pages. Do you think she’s quiet?

“I was beginning to really like Angela.” Bella now has three classes of people she likes: really rude, really easily used, and really quiet, so she doesn’t have to actually have conversations. Human interaction is so overrated anyway.

“they didn't know how preoccupied I could get when surrounded by books;” I have a hard time believing this. Bella is rarely mentioned reading and does not seem to get anything out of reading.

“I decided that was one conversation I could skip. There had to be a normal bookstore in town.” I’m so judgmental it hurts sometimes.

“I was wrestling with despair.” Back to being Big Ole Miss Sad Sack. I don’t believe Bella has ever experienced a negative emotion deeper than mild chagrin, which is why she categorizes all her minor emotions as gigantic, life-ending things.

“But a small, frightened voice in the back of my mind warned me that they might be something worse than thieves.” Honestly, this just seems like yet another thing to confirm that Bella is the speshulest most beautiful girl in the world. She can’t even walk around a town without people attempting to rape her.

“I was sure to trip and go sprawling if I tried to go any faster.” Adoraklutz strikes! Seriously, does Bella have a major inner ear problem that makes her so clumsy? The clumsiest people I know don’t fall down every five minutes like she claims to do.

“"Get in," a furious voice commanded.” “Furious” What right does he have to be furious? Especially since I get the feeling that that fury is going to be directed at her, not the potential rapists.

“"Put on your seat belt," he commanded,” Who the hell does he think he is, giving orders like that?

“blowing through several stop signs without a pause.” Dude, you’re in a car, and even if you weren’t, you could rip those guys to pieces. Why are you endangering innocent lives?

“until it occurred to me that his expression was murderously angry.” If he was angry at the rapists, this would be kind of sweet. But if he’s angry at her, it’s as if almost getting raped was her fault. You never can be too sure with Edward.

“"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down," he clarified,” The word “prattle” is very telling… it establishes that he doesn’t really think what she says is important or valuable.

Typo, page 78: he think sprom

“Edward's voice was low, but full of authority.” Spank me, Daddy-man!

“She bit her lip, trying to figure out from my expression whether that was what I wanted.” Again, Jessica is being an ideal friend. She may talk too much, but her heart is totally in the right place. But of course, SMeyer ret-cons her into Queen Bitch.

“Obviously, there would be no further discussion.” Why does she let him boss her around like this? If I had just had a traumatic experience like a gang-rape attempt, the last thing I would want to do would be to eat. I’d be a quivering, crying mass, not grinning and winking and docilely following orders. Bella has no imagination and no depth to not realize that a horrible thing just happened.

“"Do I dazzle you ?"” *snerk* Maybe it’s because I’m a big fan of the X-men, but that line makes me think of Edward in a silver jumpsuit and roller skates.

“she assured him with another unnecessary smile.” I’ve worked as a waitress. We’re supposed to smile at customers. What are these girls supposed to do, glower at Mr. Sparklepants?

“"Drink," he ordered.” He never suggests, does he? It’s always a direct order. Living with him would be like living with R. Lee Ermey.

“I sipped at my soda obediently,” Maybe she’s just a natural submissive?

“He was removing a light beige leather jacket now; underneath he wore an ivory turtleneck sweater. It fit him snugly, emphasizing how muscular his chest was.” More *snerk*. His clothes are ridiculously camp, and people who are dead white can not wear white.

“"That color blue looks lovely with your skin,"” Wait, what? What blue?

Typo page 81: “She sat them down.” It should be “set”.

“"Only you could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know." Bella Sue needs some wangst, or people might think she gets everything too easily. Of course, nothing happened, so it’s the best of both worlds.

“I wondered if it should bother me that he was following me; instead I felt a strange surge of pleasure.” Meta-Bella almost realizes again that he’s a creep.

“I felt a spasm of fear at his words,” Abusive action alert – he just threatened her with death.

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