“that was nattering” That word… it doesn’t mean what you think it means. And God, Bella, can you be any more of a bitch about “ugly” people? What’s wrong with Eric, besides the fact that he looks like he plays chess? She’s awfully anti-intellectual for someone so “smart”
“It was worse because Edward wasn’t in school”. You shallow, superficial little girl. Why do you want him around? He’s proven himself to be a total dickweed. He’s the OMG HAWTEST GUY IN SKOOL!!!11, but he’s mean. He’s a snob and a jerk, and acts like you’re covered in garbage. So why are you mooning about him? Did you read the book jacket first and realize that you’re supposed to fall in love with him?
Typo- page 16. The terminator isn’t capitalized
Typo- page 16 Golden Retriever is a proper name
So, you don’t want attention, but you do want people to fawn over you? You look down on Mike for being a nice guy and showing you around, while wondering where the guy who was mean to you could possibly be. There’s an empowering message for young girls- ignore the nice guy, the jerk’s better!
“Overly friendly”? She’s already making plans on how to blow off the person trying the hardest to make friends with her. This after complaining that no one was going to like her- she was going to have no friends, she never fit in anywhere, she was in for a lonely time. I can see why she didn’t have any friends in her old school: Bella is self-centered and self-absorbed, besides being rude. She doesn’t want anyone to be friendly and she certainly makes no effort to be friendly, so how exactly was she expecting to make friends?
So far I know how ugly everyone besides Edward is, and how Mike isn’t too ugly, but she still doesn’t want to be around him, but he’s too good-looking for all the other ugly people in this town. She goes on and on about how ugly people are- proving herself to be the ugliest one of all. It’s the Holden Caulfield of shallow teenage girls.
“pleased to find that I had successfully evaded my retriever friend for the moment.” And she says she wants to have friends? Really, this just reinforces what I was saying before: Bella does not want friends.
“So I requested that I be assigned kitchen detail for the duration of my stay. He was willing enough to hand over the keys to the banquet hall.” More unreliable narrator. She’s told us she isn’t “verbose”.
“I gunned my deafening engine to life” She’s going to kill that engine doing that
“It didn’t look as if it had bought them any acceptance here” MAYBE BECAUSE THEY’RE CLIQUISH SNOBS!?!
“I couldn’t imagine any door that wouldn’t be opened by that degree of beauty” and then slammed shut when people realize that the Cullen kids are snobby and mean
“I unloaded all the groceries, stuffing them in wherever I could find an open space.” She said earlier that there was no food in the kitchen. Minor, but consistency, please?
Further establishing her mother as a nitwit- she can’t imagine that her daughter wouldn’t immediately check her e-mail (though it was rather inconsiderate of Bella not to call when she landed safely) and then she can’t remember where her own shirt is. I suppose this is supposed to establish Bella as “mature” and “level-headed”, but it doesn’t make her look more competent when she’s being contrasted with a bubble-brained moron.
Page 18, first mention of Bella actually reading a book. She’s told us she has, but she has yet to show anything that would suggest she has. Then again, she’s hardly spoken to anyone, near as I can figure, which makes me wonder why everyone is still so desperate to be friends.
“Who else, I thought to myself” Why does she act like her father’s an idiot? Can’t this girl have been given one iota of respect for either of her parents?
Her mother being an imaginative cook- "I was surprised, and sad, that he could remember that far back". Not all of us have the attention spans of goldfish, Princess
Minor inconsistency: on page 17 she said she was marinating “a steak”. On page 18, she’s cooking “steaks”. Yeah, it’s nitpicking, but it just seems lazy that no one noticed that.
“A lot of the nurses at the hospital have a hard time concentrating on their work with him around." Um… aren’t there any female doctors? How about male nurses?
“Edward Cullen didn't come back to school.” How does he manage not to get in trouble for truancy? Hell, I got in trouble for truancy after officially transferring to homeschool, so how does he get off just leaving school for weeks at a time? Is it because he’s so goddamned sexy that every woman in the school just winks at his absences? Actually… I don’t think a woman has been mentioned in school, aside from the secretary. There are no female teachers.
“I was invited, and I had agreed to go, more out of politeness than desire” Bella doesn’t want friends: she lied to us right off.
“I did drive to the library Saturday, but it was so poorly stocked that I didn't bother to get a card; I would have to make a date to visit Olympia or Seattle soon and find a good bookstore.” Unless that library had no books at all, then there’s really no excuse not to get a card. In a more self-aware book, this would be good showing. It’s showing us that Bella is pessimistic, unwilling to make an effort, and unwilling to try new things. It shows she is disdainful of “small town hicks” who would be satisfied with a small library, and her longing to go to a big town.
"Ew." Snow. There went my good day.” Bella is awfully closed to new experiences. Maybe that’s why she wants to glue herself as an unchanging corpse to Edward Cullen’s side for eternity- then she would never have to face any sort of change.
"Besides, I thought it was supposed to come down in flakes — you know, each one unique and all that. These just look like the ends of Q-tips." BUT NOT EVERYONE CAN BE A SPESHUL SNOWFLAKE LIKE YOU, BELLA!!!
Typo, page 20: “appatently”
Second typo, page 20: “I waited for them to get their food”. Why is get italicized? Are they supposed to be understanding their food through meaningful conversation?
“Twice Mike asked, with unnecessary concern, how I was feeling.” Yeah, how dare he assume that my sudden change in mood and my announcement that I felt sick means I feel sick? Who does he think he is, my friend or something?
“only they looked more like a scene from a movie than the rest of us.” Get it? Because everyone else is ugly and they're really, really, ridiculously good-looking.
“I raised my head enough to make sure that she did, contemplating violence if she resisted.” Resisted? Who the hell do you think you are, giving orders like that? You aren’t the goddamn Batman, Sweet Cheeks.
“pulled my hood up, secretly pleased.” This is more dopey than anything. If it’s cold enough to snow and that snow to pile up fast enough in one morning to have snowball fights all day, that’s not rain. That’s sleet, and driving is going to be hellish.
“even so, he looked like he'd just finished shooting a commercial for hair gel. His dazzling face was friendly, open, a slight smile on his flawless lips.” Again with the description of how insanely beautiful she is. She was scared to death of him 10 minutes ago because he was so mean to her. She was considering skipping class to not have to sit next to this jerk. And here she is describing his beauty. Not shallow at all.
"Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive." Say what, now? Even in small towns, that doesn’t happen. I’m surprised SMeyer didn’t say that the town held a parade in her honor.
"But I think Charlie — I mean my dad — must call me Isabella behind my back” Well, not like you have a right to complain about the behind-the-back-name-calling. Also, did she not clarify during her first roll that she prefers ‘Bella’?
“I looked up to see him smiling a crooked smile so beautiful that I could only stare at him like an idiot.” *sigh* So completely based on his wonderful personality!
"Do you mind if I look?" he asked as I began to remove the slide. His hand caught mine, to stop me, as he asked” I see that as being kind of sexist on his part. He’s assuming that she has no idea what she’s looking at- if he thought she was right, he’d just ask if he could look too, not grab at her.
“His fingers were ice-cold, like he'd been holding them in a snowdrift before class” He’s a corpse. He should be room temperature.
“glanced at it cursorily” That last word… couldn’t she have found a better one? Why not say ‘briefly’?
“I would have written it while he looked, but his clear, elegant script intimidated me. I didn't want to spoil the page with my clumsy scrawl.” Early establishment- EDWARD IS BETTER THAN ME!!!
Also, this scene where they finish labeling slides really fast does not show that Bella is good in school or smart. She’s already studied this material. So has Edward. It shows that they don’t have lousy memories, but it doesn’t show that they’re smart.
“a strange ocher, darker than butterscotch, but with the same golden tone.” Those are all different colors. Pick one.
“Or maybe Forks was making me crazy in the literal sense of the word” What have you had to complain about? Everyone in school adores you!
“Mr. Banner looked at me now; his expression was skeptical.” Because girls aren’t good at science. According to SMeyer, this guy wants to jump Bella too.
"Well," he said after a moment, "I guess it's good you two are lab partners." Don’t most teachers like pairing up a weaker student with a stronger one, so they can both learn something?
“"Why did you come here, then?"
No one had asked me that — not straight out like he did, demanding.” Establishing dominance early in the relationship.
"And you don't like him," Edward surmised, his tone still kind.
"And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him." He said it as an assumption again, not a question.” Edward likes telling, not talking. It’s clear he’s being thrown off by getting even a detail wrong.
"You put on a good show," he said slowly. "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see.” Suffering? What does this coddled brat know about suffering?
"I didn't think so," he murmured smugly.” I’m in charge here, after all.
"Am I annoying you?" he asked. He sounded amused.” Yeah, it’s funny to make all kinds of assumptions about a girl you’ve never spoken to and annoy her.
“But my thoughts were unmanageable.” What?
“Mike skipped quickly to my side and picked up my books for me. I imagined him with a wagging tail.” How dare he be nice? He’s not GORGEOUS!
“stung by his assumption.” So, it’s okay for Edward to think that you can’t do the work, but not for Mike?
“I stared straight ahead as I passed the Volvo, but from a peripheral peek, I would swear I saw him laughing.” Watching you nearly kill other students with your clumsiness is funny!
In chapter 2, Edward and Bella have one conversation. I'm keeping a tally.